Today is Mother’s Day, and I hope my mother will like my latest song (listen below!). No one has heard this ditty yet, but I have anticipated the feedback (conjectured below), and it isn’t great.

You might think of “Silver Bracelet” as an imagining of the romance between Hamlet and Ophelia. If you look (not that) hard, Hamlet does not appear to be a very good boyfriend. “I did love you once,” he says, but in the next breath: “I never loved thee.” Then: “Get thee to a nunnery.” Also: “Thou shalt not escape calumny.” (Calumny just sounds bad, doesn’t it? It means slander.)

Apologies for the song’s somber-sounding final line (“I’ll wear this silver bracelet when I’m dead”), but Ophelia drowns in the end, after all. When she attempts to hang floral wreaths on a willow tree growing over a brook, the branch she is grasping breaks, and she falls into the water. As she sinks, she chants “snatches of old tunes,” perhaps one like this, about her rotten (in the state of Denmark) boyfriend.

Speaking of Shakespeare, in the last line of the third verse, I lifted the phrase “winged Cupid” from A Midsummer Night’s Dream. A modern-day song probably shouldn’t require footnotes, but I want to explain another reference in that line. It is said, perhaps in classical mythology or perhaps by a random individual with a fertile imagination and Internet access, that Cupid has two arrows: a barbed, gold-tipped one to make people fall in love, and a blunted, silver-tipped one to make people fall out of love. This information will serve you as you listen to “Silver Bracelet” but probably never again.

I was attracted to the idea of writing a song about a silver bracelet for the perverse reason that nothing rhymes with silver. Or with bracelet, for that matter, but that didn’t stop me from providing off rhymes for it. (An off rhyme, or near rhyme, is a rhyme in which the words sound the same but do not rhyme perfectly. Example: “bracelet”/“chase it.”) Because I couldn’t rhyme anything with silver, I decided to repeat the word until it lost all meaning. In fact, it appears in every line of every verse, in the same position (beats 6 and 7), as well as in the chorus. (Let’s just say you won’t be wondering what this song is about!)

A sound effect appears in the recording of “Silver Bracelet,” and I am honor-bound to credit the source. Thank you, Zapsplat.com.

Silver Bracelet

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Title:
“Silver Bracelet”

Number:
8

Length:
3:05

Vibe/inspiration:
Dolly Parton

Key:
C major

What I imagine people might say:

• “What’s with all the references to Shakespeare? Is it 1622?”
• “This is her eighth song? Maybe she should have stopped at seven.”
• “Cupid makes people fall in love, not out. Dumb.”
• “Good Lord! If I never hear the word silver again, it will be too soon.”
• “I have a silver bracelet, and this song has ruined it.”

NEW! What people have actually said, now that people have actually heard it:

• “Very clever, fun.”
• “Cool!”
• “I love it!”
• “Never been a fan of breakup songs, but this is a good one.”
• “I loved it! I definitely heard the Dolly influence and think she would love it.”
• “I played it in the car and it’s so catchy, I found myself happily singing along.”
• “I LOVE THIS! (And there’s no such thing as too many Shakespeare references, IMHO.)”
• “Bravo!! Brilliant all around.”
• “This could be a Dolly Parton song for sure! I’m always so impressed by your clever lyrics!”
• “I love the double-dubbing of your voice. Very effective. And I love the song.”
• “OMG, OMG. Dolly, Shakespeare, fun, tristesse, all at once. More, more!” [I had to look up tristesse, and it’s the perfect word; it means “a state of melancholy sadness.”]
• “Another great song!“
• “You have a good country sound to your voice!”
• “Got a lil Dolly happening here!”

Lyrics:

I used to think this silver bracelet meant that you were mine
The day you placed that silver chain on me I felt so fine
We kissed beneath a silver moon, away from all the crowd
I missed that every silver lining has to have a cloud

Silver bracelet
Why’d I chase it
Right into your hands?
Silver bracelet—
Try to face it—
Won’t become two bands
This silver bracelet won’t become two bands

I guess I thought this silver bracelet meant you’d be around
You’ve got me on a silver platter, but you can’t be found
I sit and fret each silver letter etching out my name
Unstrung by when your silver tongue is whispering the same (Ophelia)

Silver bracelet
Why’d I chase it
Right into your arms?
Silver bracelet—
Count the ways it
Hooks me with your charms
This silver bracelet hooks me with your charms

[Instrumental verse]

Silver bracelet
Why’d I chase it
Right into your hands?
Silver bracelet—
Try to face it—
Won’t become two bands
This silver bracelet won’t become two bands

And now I know this silver bracelet means that I am yours
You’ve thrown away the silver key that opens up the doors
Alone behind your silver bars, I call to one above:
Winged Cupid, with your silver arrow, fall me out of love! 

Silver bracelet
Why’d I chase it
Right into your bed?
Silver bracelet—
Can’t erase it—
Wear it ’til I’m dead
This silver bracelet, wear it ’til I’m dead (oh-oh)
I’ll wear this silver bracelet when I’m dead