A Dreadful Flight

At 9:57 p.m. on August 29, 1966—this very moment, sixty years ago—the final note of “Long Tall Sally” rang out across Candlestick Park. The Beatles bolted. In an instant, the four men sprinted off the stage, racing across the cold San Francisco night toward a waiting armored car. Security guards formed a moving wall around them as they ran—a precaution shaped by the riot at Dodger Stadium the night before, when they had been trapped in a locker room for two hours. This time, there would be no locker room, no delay. The armored truck’s doors slammed shut, and the vehicle lurched forward, carrying the Beatles out of the stadium and straight to the airport.

Only once their chartered plane was in the air—once the adrenaline of the escape began to fade—did Paul McCartney walk down the aisle to press officer Tony Barrow’s seat. Leaning over him, eager and smiling, Paul asked: “Did you get anything on tape?” Barrow had recorded the show on a handheld cassette machine, just as Paul had requested. But because he hadn’t flipped the thirty minute tape, the recording cut off in the middle of the set’s last song, Little Richard’s “Long Tall Sally”—which Paul had been singing with the same boisterous, ecstatic force he’d brought to it since 1957, when he first performed it with The Quarrymen.

Upon reflection, the moment feels like a metaphor. Paul’s own “tape” was about to run out in the middle—at twenty four, with so much music still left in him, with so much of his life unwritten. The recording ended abruptly, just as his existence would. Paul didn’t know that. He was thrilled with the keepsake.

The Beatles would never perform another live ticketed concert. Not because of security concerns, because they were bored, because they couldn’t hear themselves play, or because their music had become too complex to replicate onstage. They stopped touring—or even stepping onto a stage together in front of a live audience—because Paul was dead.

And what makes the Candlestick Park concert so astonishing—so eerie in retrospect—is that it happened at all. In the eight weeks leading up to that night, Paul had survived multiple assassination setups, across several cities, the most recent of which had occurred just hours before, on the Beatles’ flight from Los Angeles to San Francisco. The fact that Paul made it to the stage is a miracle of timing, defiance, and sheer luck.

This post explores three assassination scenarios—in San Francisco, Manila, and New York City—that defined the final months of Paul McCartney’s life as a touring musician.

San Francisco: Easy Target

August 29, 1966

A Day of Anomalies

Before anything overt happened on August 29, 1966, the day was already behaving strangely. The Beatles’ final ticketed concert began with a series of logistical irregularities that were so atypical, so out of character for the band’s touring patterns, that they deserve attention on their own terms. These anomalies form the atmospheric prelude to everything that followed.

Brian’s Absence. The first anomaly was the most personal. Brian Epstein—the Beatles’ manager, logistical anchor, and constant presence—did not accompany the band to San Francisco. From 1962 onward, Brian had been at nearly every Beatles concert, including every stop on the 1966 world tour: Germany, Japan, the Philippines, and every North American city. Even in Manila, where the state had forcibly separated him from the band for twelve hours, he still managed to reunite with them before the concerts. His absence at Candlestick Park was unprecedented.

And it wasn’t because Brian was disengaged. The night before, at Dodger Stadium, he had been fully active: counting gate receipts, coordinating security, and helping manage the chaos when 45,000 fans overwhelmed the meager security force, trapping the Beatles in their dressing room for two hours. Yet on August 29, Brian explicitly chose not to board the plane for the final show of the tour.

The Delayed Departure. The second anomaly occurred at LAX. While their chartered American Flyers Airlines Lockheed Electra sat delayed on the tarmac, the Beatles waited in a standard passenger gate (an open-access holding area) without a police perimeter, without private security, without a VIP lounge. This was highly unusual, especially given the death threats they had received across their North American tour, following John’s “more popular than Jesus” comment five months earlier.

The Isolated Touchdown. When the plane finally landed in San Francisco, at 5:25 p.m., it didn’t taxi anywhere near the commercial gates. Instead, the pilot was ordered to park at the old Pan‑American terminal—a remote, disused corner of the airfield more than a mile from the main terminal, completely out of sight and totally unreachable for any waiting fans. The arrival zone was controlled, secluded, and entirely off the grid. The only real activity was the rapid movement of the Beatles, the Ronettes (an opening act), and their crew hurrying down the air steps and immediately boarding a chartered bus.

Denial of Entry. A fourth anomaly emerged when the band and their entourage reached Candlestick Park, to find the back gate locked—despite multiple dry runs earlier in the day. The driver became lost in the surrounding streets. This odd detour will be explored more fully in an upcoming section; but even here, it stands out as part of the day’s accumulating strangeness.

The Early Arrival. The Beatles arrived at Candlestick Park extremely early, around 5:45 p.m. Joined by Joan Baez and others, they were cooped up backstage for nearly four hours before finally going onstage at 9:27 p.m. They spent the time smoking, drinking tea, and scribbling on a white linen tablecloth provided by Simpson’s Catering. The tablecloth would later become a pop‑culture artifact—stolen, lost for decades, rediscovered, authenticated, and ultimately sold at auction, in 2022, for over $88,000—but on that night, it was simply a sign of how long the bored band had been waiting.

The Missing Press Conference. The final anomaly was the absence of a press conference. Every city on the 1966 North American tour hosted at least one—often multiple—question-and-answer sessions for the press. San Francisco was the lone exception. Despite having ample time before the show, no press conference was held. This removed a layer of public visibility and documentation that had been standard throughout the tour.

***

These anomalies were strange enough on their own, but they were hardly the strangest things to happen that day. In the next section, we’ll explore a situation you won’t find documented in the historical record—except in images freely available online.

Two Pauls on a Plane

On August 29, 1966, the Beatles boarded a chartered flight from Los Angeles to San Francisco. What photographic evidence makes clear is that two men dressed exactly alike—the real Paul McCartney and his future replacement, William—were both on that aircraft. They were photographed separately, never in the same frame, which allows skeptics to dismiss the evidence as “just Paul.” But when the photos are examined together, the circumstantial proof becomes overwhelming: two distinct men, wearing identical clothing, behaving differently, and interacting with the entourage in ways that reveal who belonged—and who didn’t.

Photo 1

Photo 1: Paul boarding in Los Angeles. Paul lags behind the other Beatles on the staircase, wearing a vivid red jacket that pops against the more muted tones around him. He holds his camera as if about to take a picture but instead smiles warmly at a man photographing him. His posture is relaxed, familiar, unmistakably Paul.

Photo 2

Photo 2: Paul ascending the stairs. This image offers a closer look at Paul’s outfit: the red jacket, a red‑and‑white striped shirt with red piping at the neck, camera still in hand. His expression is gentle, open, unguarded—the face of someone entirely at ease among friends.

Photo 3

Photo 3: Paul and a friend on the plane. Inside the cabin, Paul sits with a young woman from the tour entourage. Their chemistry is effortless: Paul’s arm draped naturally over her shoulder, her body leaning fully into his chest, both smoking, both smiling with radiant authenticity. This is the intimacy of a tight tour family.

Photo 4

Photo 4: William and Estelle Bennett. Here the contrast begins. William, dressed in what appears to be the exact same striped shirt, sits beside Estelle Bennett of The Ronettes (an opening act). His fingers curl inward—a classic tension tell—and Estelle leans slightly away, her posture guarded. The warmth seen in photo 3 is absent. This is performed closeness, not lived closeness.

Photo 5

Photo 5: John, Estelle Bennett, George, Nedra Talley. This group shot detonates any claim that the Ronettes were distant acquaintances. Estelle is tucked comfortably between John and George, shoulders overlapping, grinning with the same tour‑family ease seen with Paul. Compared to photo 4, Estelle’s reserve with William becomes glaring.

Photo 6

Photo 6: William deplaning in San Francisco. William descends the stairs with John, George, and Ringo—wearing Paul’s exact outfit. In color, the match is undeniable. William’s height is carefully managed: Ringo stands behind him, minimizing the height discrepancy that would be obvious beside John or George. William hides behind an exaggerated expression, preventing a clean facial comparison. Paul never deplaned like this. The mugging feels strategic—a way to obscure bone structure and avoid scrutiny.

Photo 7

Photo 7: William deplaning, with camera. William hides behind a camera, preventing a clean facial comparison.

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Photo 8: Paul boarding, William deplaning. The striking similarity of setting, pose, and even prop between these two images—Paul boarding in Los Angeles (left), William deplaning in San Francisco (right)—allows for a very fair comparison.

***

These eight photos raise unavoidable questions. Why was William—the man who would replace Paul three months later—on the plane with him? Why did William deplane with the band? And if Paul was indisposed, why didn’t the Beatles wait for him?

The In-Flight Poisoning

By the time the Beatles’ American Flyers Electra lifted off from Los Angeles on August 29, 1966, the pieces of an assassination scenario were already in motion. The photographic record shows two men dressed identically in a red jacket and red and white striped shirt: Paul McCartney, and the man who would later replace him in the Beatles (and in life). William’s presence on the plane—in Paul’s clothes, in Paul’s entourage—only makes sense if he was positioned as an immediate stand in. The flight was the transition window.

Why William Was on the Plane. William was not a casual guest. He was dressed exactly like Paul because he needed to be able to step into Paul’s place instantly if the operation succeeded. Identical clothing is not coincidence; it is operational camouflage. In any scenario involving a target and a double, the double must be indistinguishable at a glance. William’s presence on the LAX→SFO flight is itself evidence of a planned transition—and the enclosed, relaxed environment of a chartered plane offered the perfect setting for a covert attempt.

Why Paul Didn’t Deplane. When the plane landed at San Francisco, William deplaned with John, George, and Ringo. Paul did not. The band did not wait for him, even though they were extremely early for the show and had hours to spare. Time was not a factor. The only plausible explanation is that Paul was indisposed or being held back—a hinge point that makes the poisoning hypothesis necessary to consider.

Photo 9

The Lapel Pin Problem. Paul boarded the plane without a pin. Yet mid‑flight (seemingly shortly after take-off, since he is still bucked in), he is photographed wearing a bold, cartoonish lapel pin—a mop‑top caricature with a grinning face (photo 9). The pin appears only in the cabin, suggesting it was added after boarding. In an assassination scenario involving two identically dressed men, a marker is essential. A handler or operative cannot rely on facial recognition alone, especially if unfamiliar with the Beatles. (And think about it: fans and even rock historians can’t seem to tell them apart.) A simple instruction—the one with the pin is the target—would eliminate the risk of killing the double. The pin does not appear in any backstage photos later that day. Paul may have removed it after becoming ill.

How Poisoning Could Have Occurred. Cold War intelligence operations routinely employed toxins that mimicked sudden illness or heart attacks. Soviet operatives were trained in administering untraceable poisons through food or drink. A tainted beverage could produce violent nausea, vomiting, collapse, or cardiac distress. The Beatles were relaxed on the plane: smoking, drinking, chatting. If Paul tasted something “off” and stopped drinking after a sip or two, the dosage may have sickened him without killing him. To witnesses, he would appear suddenly, violently ill—not murdered.

***

Paul McCartney was a very friendly person who conversed easily with others. He would have been curious about the unfamiliar “security person” in the Beatles’ entourage that day. I strongly suspect that Paul chatted up his would-be assassin, and the information he gleaned about the assassin’s origins in the Soviet Union informed the lyrics of “Back in the U.S.S.R.”

Song for an Assassin

If Paul McCartney became violently ill on the LAX→SFO flight, and if he spent part of that flight chatting with the man who had been sent to kill him, then “Back in the U.S.S.R.” becomes something far stranger than a clever Beatles pastiche. It becomes testimony. The song is usually described as a parody of the Beach Boys and a twist on Chuck Berry. Those influences are real, but they are only the scaffolding. The Soviet imagery and the geographic specificity point to something more intimate—something learned in conversation, something Paul could not have known unless someone told him.

The Musical Blueprint. Paul built “Back in the U.S.S.R.” on two existing templates:

  • Chuck Berry’s “Back in the U.S.A.”: Berry’s song opens with a plane landing and celebrates returning home. Paul mimics the premise but flips the geography entirely. Instead of celebrating America after an international flight, he celebrates returning to the Soviet Union.
  • The Beach Boys’ “California Girls”: The backing vocals in “Back in the U.S.S.R.” adopt the Beach Boys’ high pitched harmonies. The structure mirrors the Beach Boys’ catalog of regional beauties—except Paul replaces California’s sun drenched optimism with Soviet locales.

These musical references give the song its surface identity. But beneath them lies a different story.

The “Paper Bag” and the “Dreadful Flight.” Two lines in the song are not metaphorical. They are literal descriptions of physical distress:“On the way, the paper bag was on my knee / Man, I had a dreadful flight.”A paper bag on one’s knee is a euphemism for vomiting—or for being close enough to vomiting that the bag must remain at the ready. The “dreadful flight” line underscores the severity of the illness.These lines align precisely with the poisoning scenario: sudden nausea, violent sickness, collapse. They are the textual echo of what happened on the plane.

The Soviet Imagery: A Taboo Topic. In the mid‑1960s, Soviet imagery was almost nonexistent in Western rock music. The USSR was framed as the enemy—a gray, frozen landscape of nuclear threat and totalitarian control. The Beatles’ music was banned behind the Iron Curtain.Paul’s sudden pivot to Soviet imagery is therefore deeply unusual. It suggests the imagery was not random. It was personal.

The Georgian Connection. Based on “Back in the U.S.S.R.,” I strongly suspect Paul’s would-be assassin hailed from the Soviet Republic of Georgia. The third verse is too geographically precise to be a coincidence. The details match the Soviet Republic of Georgia perfectly, as illustrated by these lyrics:

  • “Oh, show me ’round your snow-peaked mountains way down South”: Georgia sits at the southern frontier of the former U.S.S.R. and is defined by the Greater and Lesser Caucasus mountain ranges—some peaks permanently snow capped.
  • “Take me to your daddy’s farm”: Georgia had unique semi private farmland, unlike most of the U.S.S.R. Georgian farmers were wealthier than typical Soviet citizens.

These details are not stereotypes. They are not Western media tropes. They are specific, accurate, and culturally grounded. They read like information learned in conversation—not invented.

In fact, Paul mentions Georgia in the song’s Beach Boys–inspired bridge. The line “That Georgia’s always on my mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind” is a multi layered pun: a nod to Ray Charles’s “Georgia on My Mind” and a possible echo of the operative’s homesickness or family ties.

The Balalaika: A Songwriter’s Hybrid. The third verse of “Back in the U.S.S.R.” includes the line: “Let me hear your balalaikas ringing out.” The balalaika is a traditional Russian stringed instrument with a distinct, triangular wooden body. In my imagination, Paul asked the assassin: “Do you have guitars where you’re from?” And the assassin told him about Georgia’s panduri and chonguri. When Paul didn’t recognize either instrument, the assassin added: “But surely you have heard of the Russian balalaika.” Yes! Paul could sell the balalaika to Western listeners in a song about the Soviet Union, without seriously compromising the Georgian specificity of the verse.

The Spontaneous Kiss and the Bridge. In rock photographer Jim Marshall’s photographs from the flight to San Francisco, Paul and his friend are clearly engaged with a third person standing in the aisle—an unseen conversationalist, perhaps the Georgian assassin. Here’s where my imagination goes:

PAUL: “What do you like about America?”

ASSASSIN: “The women. Better than where I come from.”

PAUL (offended on their behalf): “Now, I’ve been all over the world, and the women everywhere are lovely.”

ASSASSIN (clarifying): “The women in America are free, compared to the women back home.”

Photo 10

At this point, Paul’s friend playfully leans his seat back and pretends to kiss him or really does—a mischievous and spontaneous demonstration of the liberation of Western women (photo 10). To a Soviet man accustomed to scarcity, rationing, and conservative domestic norms, this moment would look like the pinnacle of American social freedom. And the whole exchange inspires Paul to honor the girls of the Soviet Union in the song’s Beach Boys–style bridge: “Well, the Ukraine girls really knock me out / They leave the West behind / And Moscow girls make me sing and shout…”

Logistical Echoes. Multiple alignments between real life and “Back in the U.S.S.R.” support the idea that the song was inspired by Paul’s experience on the Beatles’ flight from Los Angeles to San Francisco and of returning home to England very shortly thereafter. These are the most compelling:

  • The lyric “Didn’t get to bed last night” lines up with the Beatles’ two hours trapped backstage after the show at Dodger Stadium on August 28, 1966, the night before the flight from LAX to SFO.
  • After the Beatles stepped off the plane at London Heathrow to screaming fans, on August 31, 1966, a journalist asked Paul: “What are you planning to do today?” Paul replied, “Sleep. Sleep.” This aligns with the song’s “Leave it ’til tomorrow to unpack my case / Honey, disconnect the phone.” Paul’s “honey,” by the way, was Jane Asher; I have made a case, elsewhere on this blog, that the two were engaged at the time of his death.

These are not abstract lyrics. They are lived details.

Dodging Bullets

This section is speculative, and I want to be clear about that. What follows is an interpretation of a piece of Beatles lore that has floated through the historical record for decades. But when placed alongside the events of August 29, 1966, the lore takes on a new and unsettling resonance: Paul McCartney might have narrowly escaped being shot to death.

Photo 11

A Speculative Scenario. If Paul became violently ill on the LAX→SFO flight, he may have rushed to the lavatory. In an operational scenario, the next step would be to isolate the target. The simplest way to do that would be to clear the plane. A directive of “Everybody off” would protect the entourage and crew from witnessing violence and create a window in which Paul, emerging alone, could be taken out quickly and quietly.A posed photo of William, Ringo, John, and George on the airplane stairs—with a flight attendant and several others behind them—supports the idea of a mass deplaning (photo 11).

Outfit as Target. Paul’s ensemble that day—a shirt with broad red and white stripes, under a red jacket—resembled a literal target. The visual analogy is sickening but operationally sound. Bold visual markers are used to identify targets instantly. John, Paul, and George were nearly identical in height and hairstyle in 1966. From a distance, their silhouettes were extremely similar. In a chaotic environment, a high‑contrast marker would help prevent killing the wrong Beatle.

“Bullet Holes in the Plane” Lore. In his memoir I Me Mine (1980), George Harrison recounts that he was approached by a man on a flight from New York to Los Angeles in 1972 or 1973. The man introduced himself: “I was the pilot of the Electra that you rented for the Beatle tours, from American Flyers Airlines.” He continued: “’You’d never believe that plane we had, with bullet holes, and how close we came…” George asked the man to wait until they landed to give him the full story. As George reports:

So later he told me what had happened. He said that when we had finished the tour, the plane, its tail, it wings were full of bullet holes, and he said: “These crazy guys…they were at the end of the runway trying to pot us off.” Jealous boyfriends had come down with pistols and rifles trying to kill us.

The plane described—a Lockheed Electra chartered from American Flyers—matches the aircraft used to transport the Beatles from Los Angeles to San Francisco on August 29, 1966. The pilot said the bullet holes were discovered at the end of a tour, and the LAX→SFO flight was the second‑to‑last flight of the 1966 tour. The return flight to LAX was the last. The pilot didn’t specify the year of the tour, but it very well might have been 1966. The only other options are 1964 and 1965.

If Paul was shot at as he attempted to deplane in San Francisco, the bullets could have struck the aircraft instead. George theorized that jealous boyfriends had tried to kill them. But does it seem likely that the armed sweethearts of members of the band’s thirteen- to seventeen-year-old fan base would have gotten close enough to shoot up the Beatles’ chartered plane, parked at a hidden terminal? Or does the scenario suggest something more organized?

Locked Gate, Lost Bus

After the operation on the plane failed, the next opportunity to assassinate Paul McCartney might have come at Candlestick Park—if only the Beatles could make their way inside.

Photo 12
Photo 13
Photo 14

Two Pauls on a Bus? Instead of transferring into their usual limousines, the band and their entourage boarded an M&M Charter Lines bus parked directly beside the aircraft. As seen in photo 12, Paul sits at the front of the bus, smiling sweetly through the window at a fan—who only has eyes for Ringo! (See photo 13 for a detail of Paul, in his seat.) A man resembling Paul’s replacement, William, sits toward the back of the bus, though the identification is uncertain (photo 14). His hand covering his chin, this man appears deflated—perhaps baffled that Paul McCartney continues to defy attempts on his life.

The Locked Gate Problem. When the bus carrying the Beatles reached the back entrance of Candlestick Park, the gate was bolted shut and padlocked. This should have been impossible. The concert promoter, Tempo Productions, had conducted multiple trials earlier that day to ensure a smooth arrival. The drivers knew the route. The timing was rehearsed. The entry point was confirmed. And yet the gate was locked.

Sonnie Sims, the American Airlines flight attendant pictured in photo 11, who had worked the LAX→SFO flight and was now sitting beside Paul on the bus, later recalled:

We got to the stadium and the gate was locked, and the Beatles couldn’t get in. We were driving around Candlestick Park trying to find a way in. The bus drivers were going, “We had three dry runs today to make sure this would not happen!”

With fans converging on the vehicle, the driver couldn’t remain idle. He circled the stadium. Panicking, he pulled away entirely and sped into the surrounding residential streets, where he became lost. The most famous band in the world was wandering a public neighborhood in an unarmored bus. The Beatles themselves apparently found the situation hysterical. An escorting police officer radioed San Francisco police dispatch—who tracked down a stadium official at the San Francisco Giants’ executive headquarters, got the key, and rushed it to the locked gate.

A Coordinated Containment Protocol. When you step back from the minute‑by‑minute chaos of August 29, 1966, a larger pattern emerges. Multiple logistical anomalies occurred in rapid succession; taken together, they form a sequence of decisions that make perfect sense if the day’s plan had been built around the expectation of Paul’s death. They are not proof, but they are a pattern. And they align disturbingly well with the operational logic of an assassination scenario that nearly succeeded.

First, instead of landing at a standard commercial gate surrounded by fans and reporters, the Beatles’ plane was directed to a deactivated terminal—a blind spot on the airfield. If Paul had succumbed to poisoning mid‑flight (or to gunfire upon deplaning), this isolated arrival zone would have allowed handlers to manage the emergency privately and transition William into Paul’s place without a single uncontrolled photograph.

Then there was the locked gate. Was Candlestick Park sealed up because the Beatles were never really expected to make it there—on account of the secret passing of their bassist? Or perhaps after Paul survived the flight, the gate was locked intentionally, to keep him out of the secure interior of the stadium—thereby extending the window during which a secondary attempt might be made.

Further, the absence of a press conference was a glaring aberration, whether a session was canceled or never scheduled. If 250 media personnel—reporters, photographers, camera crews—had been gathered at Candlestick Park, waiting for the Beatles, who never showed (because Paul was secretly dead), word would have spread. If Paul survived but looked ill, reporters might notice his condition or capture footage that revealed something amiss.

***

Once the Beatles finally entered Candlestick Park, the oddities didn’t subside. As on the plane and possibly the bus, Paul McCartney had a doppelgänger backstage.

Two Pauls Backstage

If Paul survived the poisoning and the shooting, as well as the irregular sojourn in an unarmored bus, the assassination scenario would have shifted to Candlestick Park. The backstage area at the stadium provides a sustained, four hour window in which Paul and William occupied the same building, the same converted locker room, and the same pre show timeline. The photographic record splits cleanly into two parallel realities unfolding side by side.

The Backstage Environment. Candlestick Park had no proper backstage facilities. The Beatles were placed in the San Francisco Giants’ locker room, hastily transformed into a makeshift dressing area. The room was crowded, warm, and chaotic, with musicians, local celebrities, and staff all moving about.A local caterer from Clement Street, Simpson’s Catering, was hired to turn the baseball clubhouse into a dining space, serving the band roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, and tea. To pass the time, the band transformed a white linen tablecloth into a collaborative graffiti canvas. They smoked, doodled, and chatted with visitors, including some celebrities. Local DJ “Emperor” Gene Nelson recalled the room as a raucous, convivial party.

Photo 15
Photo 16
Photo 17

Paul in the Creative Core. In every backstage photo of Paul, he is exactly where he belongs: at the center of the Beatles’ social and creative orbit. In one image (photo 15), Paul sits with John, George, and Ringo around the graffiti‑covered tablecloth; he is smiling and relaxed. In another (photo 16), he sits directly beside Joan Baez, as they both draw on the tablecloth. In yet another (photo 17), Paul stands close to George Harrison, singing as George rehearses on guitar. These images show Paul animated, expressive, and socially integrated—fully present with his bandmates and peers.

Photo 18

William in Isolation. I have found only one image of William backstage at Candlestick Park (photo 18), and it is nothing like the photos of Paul. William sits at the end of a long table, dining with caterers and local staff rather than with the Beatles. He is physically separated from John, Paul, George, and Ringo. He is not part of the creative core, not part of the social warmth, not part of the pre‑show camaraderie. He appears subdued, withdrawn, and peripheral.

And then comes a compelling forensic detail: William is holding his knife in his right hand.

Paul McCartney was the most famous left-handed bass player in music history. He was famously, fiercely left‑handed—not just in performance but in daily life. Photo 16, for example, shows him drawing with his left hand. Eating is one of the most revealing contexts for handedness. A right-handed double might mimic left‑handedness while performing or posing but revert to natural habits during private, unguarded moments—as William appears to have done backstage at Candlestick Park. (Note that the silverware placement suggests the image isn’t flipped.) I must acknowledge, however, that this evidence isn’t conclusive; a lefty might choose to cut right-handed. I couldn’t find a photo of Paul using cutlery, for a baseline reference; he appeared to eat only finger foods from 1962 to 1966.

The Photographic Divide. The contrast between the images is stark:

  • Paul is surrounded by his bandmates, celebrities, and trusted collaborators. William is alone, dining among strangers.
  • Paul is engaged, expressive, and socially integrated. William is quiet, tense, and isolated.
  • Paul is photographed repeatedly by Jim Marshall. William appears only once in Marshall’s images, at least those available online.

These two realities unfold simultaneously in the same locker room—two men dressed identically, living parallel but separate backstage lives.

***

William was staged in a separate zone, fed and kept ready, suggesting the operation was still active. But I am happy to report that it was really Paul McCartney who performed at Candlestick Park on August 29, 1966, with his Beatle brothers—their final concert together, sixty years ago today.

Don’t Be Long

This is the most speculative section of the San Francisco movement, and it needs to begin with that acknowledgment. What follows is presented neither as fact nor as a claim of historical certainty. It’s a reconstruction of what might have occurred on the night of August 29, 1966, going into the early morning hours, based on circumstantial clues. It fits the operational logic of the day, even if it can never be proven.

A Third Attempt. If the poisoning on the plane had failed, and the subsequent shooting had also failed, the operatives may have sought one last opportunity to eliminate Paul McCartney before the Beatles went home to England the following day. They needed a private, controlled environment in Los Angeles. Brian Epstein, who had stayed behind from the Candlestick Park gig, would have been the one asked to secure a location.He borrowed the house at 1567 Blue Jay Way from the Beatles’ West Coast attorney, Robert Fitzpatrick.

You’re Not Coming with Us. After the Beatles finished their concert at Candlestick Park, they flew directly back to Los Angeles, arriving around 1:00 a.m. John, George, and Ringo returned to 7655 Curson Terrace, in the Hollywood Hills, which had served as their home base for five days. But Paul was dropped off alone at a second house, 3.5 miles away, in the Bird Streets—an enclave of steep roads, modern architecture, and panoramic views stretching from the Los Angeles basin to the Pacific Ocean.This separation, undocumented in official histories, would have been highly unusual.Paul was told the others would join him soon.

The Bird Streets as a Stage. The Bird Streets are unique in Los Angeles for their avian theme. Almost every road is named after a bird—Nightingale Drive, Mockingbird Place, Oriole Lane, Blue Jay Way. The hills rise sharply, from 400 to over 1,700 feet above sea level. At night, the marine layer (a dense blanket of low-altitude stratus clouds over the L.A. basin) slams into the slopes. Drive up far enough, and you cross the cloud base. Then you stand inside the fog.It is quiet there. Isolated. Perfect for a private meeting—or an ambush.

Assassin as Reporter. Paul was told that a reporter from the Los Angeles Times would be interviewing him at the house. He waited. Fog settled over the hills. The house was silent.Then the “reporter” arrived. She was not a reporter at all, but an assassin—a paid operative sent to finish the job. Paul welcomed her in, unaware of her purpose. He “neutralized” her nonviolently. She left, unable to complete the assignment. Through personal charm, Paul had survived again.

Photo 19

The Song as Testimony. Exhausted, alone, and probably growing quite worried for himself (isolated) and his bandmates (missing), Paul reached for the nearest piece of paper—a sheet of Robert Fitzpatrick’s stationery—and began to write (photo 19). The lyrics of “Blue Jay Way” read like a barely coded rendering of the scene:

  • “There’s a fog upon L.A.” (edited by Paul from “There’s a fog on Blue Jay Way”) – the literal fog of the Hollywood Hills
  • “My friends have lost their way” – the other Beatles were supposed to join him
  • “We’ll be over soon, they said” – a reassurance that never materialized
  • “Please don’t be long or else I’ll be asleep” – fatigue, fear, vulnerability
  • “I’d really like to go” – the situation is uncomfortable
  • “Now it’s past my bed,” “Soon will be the break of day” – the time, around 4 to 5 a.m.

The lyrics bear Paul’s “songwriting fingerprint,” exemplifying his characteristic use of metrical (rhythmic) regularity and a formal rhyme scheme.

The Cover Story. According to the official origin story of “Blue Jay Way,” George Harrison and his wife, Pattie, were staying at 1567 Blue Jay Way on August 1, 1967. Derek Taylor, the Beatles’ former press officer who was living in California and working as an independent publicist, was planning to visit them but called to say he was running late. To pass the time, George wrote a song about waiting for Derek at Blue Jay Way. I am skeptical that George, who was reportedly jet-lagged, would wait up until almost sunrise, or that Derek would show up so early on a Wednesday morning (unless he brought coffee and donuts). Also, “Blue Jay Way” refers to the anticipated arrival of “friends” (plural) who have lost “their way,” “they said”—and Derek was only one person. Otherwise, the account is tidy, charming, and plausible.

Photo 20

But it doesn’t preclude the possibility that Paul was in the same house a year earlier, wondering when John, George, and Ringo were going to join him there. Consider the manifold lies told by the surviving Beatles (and William) about why they wrote this song or that song that Paul had left behind. Probably my favorite (or least favorite) example is the deception surrounding “Dear Prudence,” the second track on The White Album after “Back in the U.S.S.R.” Paul wrote “Dear Prudence” on the set of A Hard Day’s Night, in March 1964, for fellow cast member Prudence Bury (photo 20); but John Lennon claimed to have written it for Prudence Farrow, in India, in February 1968.

***

If true, this would have been the final attempt on Paul’s life before he returned to London—where his luck would finally run out.

Brian Epstein’s Briefcase

This is one of the strangest puzzle pieces in the San Francisco assassination scenario. The briefcase incident is real; the details are tangled; the sources are few. What follows is not meant as a lurid detour but as a sober attempt to understand how Brian Epstein—already fragile, already overburdened—may have been forced into compliance with a plot to murder and replace Paul McCartney.

The Theft in Los Angeles. On the morning of August 24 or 25, 1966—just a day or two after the Beatles’ concert at Shea Stadium, and four or five days before Candlestick—Brian Epstein woke up in a suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel to find his monogrammed Samsonite briefcase gone. The attaché case of his friend and attorney Nat Weiss was missing, too. The culprit: John “Dizz” Gillespie, an American drifter and sometime actor from Ohio, with whom Brian had been dangerously infatuated for roughly eighteen months.

Gillespie had not been invited on tour as part of the official entourage. Rather, he tracked Brian down in Los Angeles, insinuated himself back into Brian’s good graces for one night, and then vanished, along with both briefcases.

We know what was inside Brian’s case because two insiders eventually talked: Peter Brown, Brian’s assistant, in his 1983 memoir; and Nat Weiss, in interviews before his death in 2013. Their accounts, later supported by documents found in Weiss’s abandoned storage locker, describe a “witches’ stew” of incriminating material: a large stash of pills, a brown paper bag of skimmed concert cash, and explicit Polaroids and love letters documenting Brian’s secret life with young men, including Gillespie himself.

In 1966, this was not just embarrassing. Homosexual acts between men were illegal in the United Kingdom. Exposure of the letters and photos could have meant arrest, public ruin, and a scandal eclipsing the controversy over John’s “more popular than Jesus” remark.

The Sting. Because the contents of the briefcase were too dangerous to expose, the theft was never reported to the Los Angeles Police Department. Instead, Weiss took charge. A blackmail note arrived, demanding $10,000 for the safe return of the briefcases and documents. Weiss hired a private investigator, arranged a sting, and confronted Gillespie’s “luckless confederate” at the handoff.

The operation half succeeded. Brian’s initials embossed briefcase was recovered. Its contents were not. The cash, pills, letters, and photos had already been removed. From that point on, Brian knew that somewhere out there, someone held the power to destroy him.

The Setup Problem. The standard narrative says Brian simply packed his secrets—the explicit photos and letters—in London and carried them across North America out of paranoia, like a man wearing his most expensive jewelry through a dozen chaotic cities because he trusts his own hands more than a safe at home. But when you look closely, that story stops making sense.

The explicit Polaroids primarily featured Brian and Gillespie together. The love letters included notes written by Brian to Gillespie—letters that, under normal circumstances, would have been in Gillespie’s possession, not Brian’s. For those letters to end up in Brian’s briefcase, either Brian had demanded them back (unlikely), or Gillespie had brought them with him.

Then there is the logistics problem. In 1966, a transatlantic flight from London (where Gillespie resided) to Los Angeles was an enormous expense, the equivalent of $4,800 to $7,700 in today’s money. Gillespie was a small time hustler who lived by sponging off Brian. It strains credulity to imagine he casually funded a last minute trip to California and then orchestrated a sophisticated blackmail scheme—with anonymous calls, ransom notes, and a local accomplice—within twenty-four hours of entering the hotel suite.

A more coherent picture emerges if you treat Gillespie not as a lone opportunist but as bait in a premeditated sting. Under this interpretation, Gillespie arrives in Los Angeles funded by deeper pockets, carrying incriminating photos and letters as weapons—which he uses to lower Brian’s guard, re establish intimacy, and gain access to the suite. Once inside, he walks out with the briefcase, leaving Brian exposed and controllable. The goal, in this reading, is not just money. It’s leverage.

The Real Blackmail. Within the arc of a plot to assassinate and replace Paul McCartney, the briefcase theft becomes the mechanism that forces Brian into direct complicity. If Brian’s protective instincts are threatening to interfere, the Los Angeles squeeze solves that problem. Once his most radioactive secrets are in someone else’s hands, Brian is no longer just a manager; he’s a hostage. He can be compelled to cooperate.

On the plane to San Francisco and backstage at Candlestick Park, Paul and his replacement were photographed wearing matching outfits; this correlation can’t be dismissed as coincidence. By 1966, the Beatles were choosing their own casual clothes for travel and press conferences. The replacement’s handlers would have had no way of knowing what unique jacket, shirt, and pants Paul would pull from his closet that morning. For the double to appear in identical clothes, someone inside the Beatles’ inner circle had to coordinate the wardrobe or provide duplicate garments. Brian, compromised and coerced, was the obvious candidate. His original management contract formally gave him veto power over the band’s entire public presentation, so he had the power to tell Paul what to wear.

***

The official histories treat Brian Epstein’s stolen briefcase as a sordid anecdote about cash, pills, and sex. But the incident is not a colorful side story. It’s the hinge that turns Brian from guardian to reluctant collaborator. With his secrets weaponized against him, he can be relied upon to dress Paul to match his double, to follow instructions without protest, and to secure locations—like the house on Blue Jay Way—where further attempts can be made.

Why Paul Was a Target: JFK

If you want to understand why Paul McCartney may have been targeted for assassination in 1966, you have to begin with another assassination—that of John F. Kennedy, in 1963.

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A Nation in Mourning. When JFK was assassinated on November 22, 1963, the United States entered a period of bereavement and profound cultural paralysis. Into this atmosphere of shock and sorrow stepped four young men from Liverpool.On February 7, 1964—just eleven weeks after the assassination—the Beatles landed at the newly renamed John F. Kennedy International Airport (photo 21). The late president’s name greeted them on the tarmac. They were terrified. No British rock group had ever broken America. They feared their irreverence would seem trivial or inappropriate.

Instead, 5,000 screaming teenagers met them at the airport fence. During their historic first press conference, they used quick-witted, self-deprecating British humor to cut right through the tension. Two days later, 73 million viewers watched the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show. Their performance was not just a television milestone; it was a mass catharsis. The Beatles brought forward‑looking energy to a country that had spent the winter documenting a national tragedy. In the eyes of many cultural historians, the Beatles helped America breathe again. They healed the public’s broken heart. Billy Joel later said:

The country had the blues… The assassination of this young, vital president who represented us… We thought he was like us. He was our guy, representing youth and progress. So, when the Beatles came, they filled that vacuum in a way: all of a sudden, they now represented us.

Legendary rock musician Tommy James of the Shondells put it even more starkly: “After the JFK assassination in 1963, the Beatles were the only thing that made 1964 bearable.”

An unbearable irony would surface two years later.

Paul’s Political Awakening. By early 1966, Paul was exploring London’s avant‑garde and political counterculture. He was reading widely. And he sought out one of the most influential thinkers of the 20th century: philosopher and anti‑war activist Bertrand Russell. Russell chaired the “Who Killed Kennedy Committee.” He was an outspoken critic of American foreign policy and a vocal skeptic of the Warren Commission’s conclusions. When Paul visited Russell at his London home, the conversation reportedly turned to Vietnam, American intelligence operations, and the inconsistencies in the official JFK narrative.

Russell’s doubts struck Paul deeply.

The Meeting with Mark Lane. Around the same time, American defense attorney Mark Lane—author of Rush to Judgment (1966), a blistering critique of the Warren Commission—was in London seeking support for an independent documentary based on his research. Lane’s work alleged that the U.S. government had actively covered up a conspiracy to assassinate President Kennedy. Paul met Lane at a small private gathering and asked to borrow the unpublished manuscript of Rush to Judgment. Lane agreed. A few days later, late at night, Lane was working when the phone rang. A voice said: “Well, he could’na done it, could he?” Lane, irritated, asked who was speaking and what he was talking about. The reply: “Sorry. Paul—Paul McCartney. We met the other night. And I meant that Oswald could not have killed President Kennedy.”

Paul had read the manuscript. And he was convinced.

The Soundtrack Offer. Paul had been playing around with tape loops, electronic music, and home recording, and he volunteered to compose an experimental instrumental soundtrack for the documentary. As Lane later wrote in his memoir Citizen Lane:

I was astonished by that generous offer and speechless for a moment. I thanked him, but then I cautioned him that the subject matter was very controversial in the United States and that he might be jeopardizing his future.

Paul was not dissuaded. He could have said, “Right, well, er…I’ll be first in line to buy a ticket.” But he had the courage of his convictions. Then again, I doubt he imagined his offer might endanger his life.

It is not lost on me that Paul McCartney, an early adopter of the greatest political conspiracy theory of all time, would later become the subject of the most famous conspiracy theory in music history. Polls taken over the decades show that a large majority of Americans—sometimes over 80 percent—do not believe the official story of the JFK assassination. I hope it’s not too late for people to start accepting the truth about Paul McCartney—that he died in 1966, was replaced by a lookalike, and had his back catalog plagiarized for decades.

The Peril of the Platform. In 1966, the Beatles were the most influential cultural force on earth. Their statements shaped youth culture globally. Their music reached millions. Their opinions mattered.If Paul McCartney—charming, diplomatic, broadly beloved—attached his name and music to a documentary alleging government misconduct in JFK’s death, it would have legitimized the assassination‑conspiracy movement, undermined domestic morale, damaged international credibility, and fueled anti‑government sentiment during the Cold War. This was not a fringe concern. It was a geopolitical nightmare.

Paul McCartney had become a potential national security threat for the United States of America.

The Silencing Motive. In February 1964, Paul had helped distract America’s youth from the trauma of JFK’s death. He helped lift the country out of its grief. He helped restore color and joy. By 1966, he was preparing to expose the wound. The same man who had soothed the nation was now picking at the scab. A rogue intelligence group might have viewed Paul’s initiative as intolerable. Neutralizing him before he could complete the soundtrack would prevent global legitimization of JFK‑conspiracy claims. It would prevent the Beatles from becoming a political force. And it would prevent Paul from using his musical talents to amplify a message the government could not control.

The Silent Film. When Rush to Judgment was released in theaters on June 2, 1967, it featured no music at all. Not a single note. The soundtrack Paul had promised never materialized. He had been dead for eight months, so he could hardly have been expected to deliver it. And if William felt himself capable of composing the sound accompaniment to the film, he would obviously have been steered away from such a dangerous political project by those who had installed him in the Beatles.

The silence speaks louder than any score could have.

***

By itself, Paul McCartney’s involvement with the JFK documentary could suffice as motivation for interested parties to assassinate him. But why replace him? For the power of having an asset imbedded in the most famous band in the world? To what end?

Why Paul Was a Target: LSD

By 1966, the Vietnam War was escalating. Anti war protests were growing. Young Americans were marching, organizing, and refusing to accept the government’s narrative. Youth activism was becoming politically effective. The same rogue intelligence group that viewed Paul McCartney as dangerous sought to redirect this energy. Could they kill two birds with one stone?

The theory was simple: If “Paul McCartney” endorsed LSD, millions of young people would follow. And if the youth were “strung out,” they would be less likely to organize, march, or resist. The real Paul McCartney was reluctant to try LSD. It is well-known that at a Los Angeles house party in August 1965, all the Beatles except Paul took LSD. But a replacement could be guided—steered toward psychedelic messaging without resistance.

The MKUltra Connection. This theory makes sense only when considered in the context of MKUltra—the CIA’s unethical human‑experimentation program that spent millions acquiring the world’s supply of LSD in the 1950s and early 1960s. Two strands of MKUltra research matter here: LSD as an incapacitating agent, with subjects becoming disorganized, unfocused, and unable to follow instructions; and LSD as a cultural disruptor. With regard to redirecting the energies of America’s young war protesters, there were two theories: LSD could fragment a population; and LSD could redirect youth away from political action and toward inward‑facing mysticism.

The Asset Value of a Replacement. Simply eliminating Paul McCartney would create a martyr. If his death looked anything but natural or accidental, his assassination might provoke a global investigation. It would destabilize the Beatles’ empire. Butreplacing Paul McCartney would achieve two goals: silencing the real Paul, whose political awakening (regarding the JFK assassination and the war in Vietnam), combined with his global platform, made him a serious threat; and repurposing the Beatles’ cultural microphone to influence the youth of America. A compliant double could be guided to promote LSD at the exact moment the agency wanted. And that’s exactly what happened.

The June 1967 Pivot. On June 19, 1967, ITN (Independent Television News) in the United Kingdom broadcast a calm, matter‑of‑fact interview in which “Paul McCartney” publicly admitted to taking LSD. It followed a Life magazine feature in which “Paul” became the first major British pop star to publicly acknowledge LSD use. The real Paul—cautious, controlled, reluctant—would never have been the first Beatle to publicly endorse LSD. But William, the replacement, was evidently guided to do so.He said LSD “opened his eyes.” He said it created “a whole new world.” He said it was “not dangerous if used properly.”

Historically, the plan backfired catastrophically on the government. Instead of pacifying the youth, LSD supercharged the anti-war movement; fueled radical political groups; and created a massive, uncontrollable anti-establishment culture that nearly tore the country apart.

So, was it worth it to erase a man’s entire existence—as if the original Paul McCartney had never died, had never been born—for a sound bite and a few pull quotes?

Paul’s Psychedelic Music. There’s one more wrinkle: Paul did eventually write psychedelic songs. If he took LSD, he possibly commemorated the experience in “Got to Get You Into My Life”:

I was alone, I took a ride
I didn’t know what I would find there
Another road where maybe I
Could see another kind of mind there

“Tomorrow Never Knows,” another song on Revolver, is regarded as the most explicitly psychedelic song the Beatles recorded. Its opening line, Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream,” was lifted almost verbatim from Timothy Leary’s book The Psychedelic Experience (1964), a guide to taking LSD based on The Tibetan Book of the Dead—picked up when John and Paul together visited Indica Books & Gallery, in London, on April 1, 1966.

Perhaps Paul’s loveliest psychedelic composition is “Oh My Love,” which appeared on John Lennon’s Imagine album in 1971, five years after Paul’s death. In the filmed recording session, John remarks: “That’s a Paul song there.” It includes lines like: “For the first time in my life / My eyes are wide open,” “For the first time in my life / My mind can feel.”

And if the iconic psychedelic imagery of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” doesn’t speak for itself, “LSD” is right there in the title. None of this is proof that Paul McCartney tried LSD. Writing psychedelic music does not require psychedelic drugs. It requires imagination, experimentation, and access to new recording techniques—all of which Paul had in abundance. Even if he had tried LSD, and found it personally enlightening or creatively productive, I doubt he would ever have been a mouthpiece for its use.

***

In the next section, we’ll look at the recording session for Paul’s song about not taking LSD, and the “masterpiece” (according to Google) it spawned.

When George Made Paul’s Guitar Gently Weep

The birth of the song “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” is usually told as a quiet moment of inspiration at George Harrison’s parents’ house, where he opened a book at random, saw the words “gently weeps,” and began writing the tune. But the lyric sheets tell a different story—one rooted in tension, exclusion, and a late night recording session that left Paul McCartney emotionally isolated from the band.

The Emotional Trigger: The LSD Party Revisited. The tension of the “She Said She Said” session, which took place on June 21, 1966, didn’t arise in a vacuum. It was the reopening of a wound from the Benedict Canyon house party that inspired the song. At this gathering the summer before, in the Santa Monica Mountains on the Westside of Los Angeles, all the Beatles except Paul took acid. John, George, and Ringo teased him for refusing. Paul felt ostracized, left behind. During the “She Said She Said” recording session, the teasing may have resurfaced—good‑natured ribbing from the others but painful for Paul, who remembered the feeling of being the odd man out. Perhaps this sentiment is reflected in the lines: “I know that I’m ready to leave / ’Cause you’re making me feel like I’ve never been born.”

What the historical record does show is that Paul and John argued fiercely over the arrangement of “She Said She Said.” Furious, Paul uttered an expletive and walked out. Most sources say he walked all the way out. But I believe he retreated to the booth, watching the others finish the track without him. He would not abandon the band, the album, or his composition. But he could not participate. So, George picked up Paul’s bass. And Paul started writing a new song.

Photo 22
Photo 23

A Song Is Born in the Studio. The earliest draft of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” is scrawled across a recording sheet (photo 22)—the same type used at EMI Studios, later Abbey Road Studios. The reverse‑side bleed‑through shows the printed header “RECORDING SHEET,” backwards; when flipped (photo 23), the form matches the EMI recording sheets used in the mid‑1960s. This places the song’s origin inside the studio. It suggests a moment of immediacy: the songwriter reaching for the nearest piece of paper—a form grabbed in frustration, in isolation, in the aftermath of a fight.

Photo 24

Paul first jotted down: “I look at you all, see the love there that’s sleeping.” Even in his despair, he knew that John, George, and Ringo were his friends, his brothers—despite their cruel words. And apparently, there were papers and cigarette butts strewn about: “I look at the floor, and I see it needs sweeping.” This is not a metaphor. It’s an observation—of someone looking down, feeling left out, and writing what he notices. (See photo 24 for a shot from the Revolver sessions showing the studio floor in such a state.)

Paul’s Pity for His Bass. Here’s the scene: As Paul scribbles lyrics, George plays Paul’s guitar—which “gently weeps” under George’s fumbling fingers. George Harrison was a deeply creative and highly influential lead guitarist. He always gave a Beatles song exactly what it needed. But here he was, trying to write a bassline and play Paul’s left-handed guitar—as Paul watched, quite possibly sneering! That must have been daunting, or at least very uncomfortable. In “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” Paul notes the imperfections in George’s performance, but with an ultimately positive attitude: “With every mistake, we must surely be learning.”

Photo 25

A Later Draft Positively IDs the Session. A later lyric sheet—no longer written on studio paper—contains three lines that anchor the song to the “She Said She Said” session with forensic precision (photo 25). Here is the third verse, which didn’t make it into the recorded song:

I look at my watch it was 1/4 to 4
Still my guitar gently weeps
The band leader said he ain’t playing no more
Still my guitar gently weeps

And there’s a crossed-out line that reads:

I look from the side [or “wings”] at the play you are staging

Let’s take the three lines one by one, starting with: “I look at my watch it was 1/4 to 4.” It is documented that the “She Said She Said” session ended at exactly 3:45 a.m., or a quarter to four (“1/4 to four”). This is not a coincidence; it’s a recollection. The next unique line is even more revealing: “The band leader said he ain’t playing no more.” This line is purely autobiographical, with Paul documenting the moment he refused to play on “She Said She Said.” He’s not dramatizing; he’s remembering. Notice that Paul positions himself as the leader of the band, as its primary songwriter; in fact, he had written every song on Revolver. Finally, “I look from the side [or “wings”] at the play you are staging.” In this context, “the side” or “the wings” is a poetic way of saying “the booth”; Paul is drawing from his physical location in the studio.

No one knew that the “She Said She Said” session would be the Beatles’ final chance to record a song together—the four of them, with Paul. Maybe if they had, things would have gone differently.

***

Buckle up, because our timeline is moving from the psychological to the geopolitical. The next movement begins not in Los Angeles or London but in the Philippines—where the first assassination scenario unfolded.

Manila: Method in Madness

July 3–5, 1966

Kidnapped on Arrival

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At 4:30 p.m. on July 3, 1966, the Beatles’ commercial flight from Hong Kong touched down at Manila International Airport. The day had already been long: they had left Tokyo mid morning, stopped in Hong Kong to switch airlines, spoken with members of the press, and even held what appears to be an in flight meeting with Brian Epstein—a moment of relative calm before the storm (photo 26).

What happened next was not a misunderstanding, not a cultural mix up, and not a case of overzealous security. Before the aircraft door had even fully opened, armed military personnel and men in civilian clothing boarded the plane. They did not wait for a gateway. They did not wait for standard passenger procedures. They moved with purpose—and with a clear target. They went straight for John, Paul, George, and Ringo.

Photo 27

The men grabbed the Beatles physically, pulling and shoving them toward the exit. Brian Epstein and the road crew were ordered to stay behind. On the steps of the aircraft, the chaos intensified. Salvador Mascardo, the airport’s collector of customs, intercepted the Beatles directly on the runway. He demanded their briefcases and bags, shouting profanities as he did so. One photograph from the moment shows a man attempting to seize George’s bag as the band tries to descend the stairs (photo 27).

Photo 28

Another image captures the surreal contrast of the scene: the Beatles holding bouquets of flowers—a ceremonial gesture—while surrounded by military personnel (photo 28). The forced smiles and stiff posture tell the real story. The Beatles were shoved into a waiting vehicle and driven away. Brian and the entourage remained trapped on the plane, frantic and helpless, with no information about where the band had been taken or why.

There is no softer phrasing for what occurred: the Beatles had been abducted by the state.

The Tense Press Conference

The Beatles were driven to the Philippine Navy Headquarters for an impromptu press conference. Nothing about the scene resembled a normal media event. The band had not been briefed. They had not been told where they were going. They had not been given time to compose themselves. They were simply deposited at a long table, under fluorescent lights, in front of a room full of local reporters and armed personnel.

Photo 29

The table was cluttered with unfamiliar local soft drinks, ashtrays, and microphones. The Beatles looked drained, unsmiling, and visibly shaken. All four smoked constantly—a nervous reflex, a way to steady their hands, to buy a moment of control in a situation where they had none. In one of the photographs, John, George, and Ringo wear dark glasses, a shield between themselves and the room. Paul, notably, does not. His eyes are exposed, scanning the room, searching for Brian or any member of the entourage who might explain what was happening (photo 29). His expression is tight, distressed, and alert—the look of someone trying to assess danger without showing fear.

Brian, meanwhile, was still trapped at the airport terminal, frantically demanding to know where his clients had been taken. He had been separated from the band without explanation and was being stonewalled by airport officials. The Beatles knew none of this. They only knew that Brian, their ever-present authority figure, was gone—and they were alone.

The press conference itself was tense, hostile, and surreal. Local reporters fired aggressive questions at the band, many of them framed as accusations rather than inquiries. The Beatles tried to remain polite, but their answers reveal the strain. When a reporter asked whether they felt safe in Manila given the overwhelming military presence, John delivered one of the most famous lines of the entire tour: “We feel safe, yeah… We’ve got our own army with us.” He said it dryly, glancing at the guards flanking the room—a joke with an edge.

Another reporter demanded to know why Brian Epstein wasn’t with them. Paul tried to keep his voice steady: “Our manager is back at the airport. We don’t really know what’s going on, we just get put in the back of cars and driven places.” It was the closest Paul could come to admitting the truth: They were not in control. They were not being protected. They were being handled.

Out to Sea Under Guard

The moment the press conference ended, the Beatles were not returned to their manager, their entourage, or even to the airport terminal. Instead, armed guards escorted them out of the building and down a pier in Manila Bay, where a private motor yacht waited under military supervision.

Photo 30

The most haunting image from this moment shows Paul walking down the wooden planks of the pier, still wearing the same outfit from earlier, his camera in his hand (photo 30). An armed officer walks beside him, directing him forward. Paul’s expression is unmistakable—eyes wide, mouth tight, on the verge of tears. He is looking toward the yacht, or perhaps toward the water beyond it, trying to understand what is happening and where he is being taken. Behind Paul, a blurred figure appears to be maritime personnel or a local official overseeing the departure. The scene is not ceremonial. It is custodial.

Photo 31
Photo 32

Other photographs show the yacht from the pier—a medium sized motor vessel, white hulled, with flags flying and crew members visible on deck (photo 31). The images were taken while it was still light out, capturing the moment before the Beatles were taken offshore. Once aboard, Paul was photographed sitting on a metal chair on the deck, still clutching his camera (photo 32). His suit jacket—worn during deplaning and along the pier—is gone. It is not draped over the chair. It is simply missing. Paul looks shaken, overheated, and shut down, staring into the middle distance with the expression of someone who senses real danger.

By the way, I am not sharing photos of just Paul because we’re focusing on him. I didn’t come across images of the other Beatles in this context.

Photo 33

Historical accounts from the few entourage members who later reconstructed the night confirm that the yacht experience was miserable. The vessel’s primitive air conditioning system failed almost immediately after leaving the pier (photo 33). The band was trapped in small, windowless, wood paneled cabins where the tropical heat and humidity became unbearable. The yacht’s crew attempted to frame the evening as a glamorous VIP welcome party. Local socialites, a few politicians, and a prominent beauty queen were brought aboard. Drinks were poured. Music was suggested.

The Beatles refused to participate. They barricaded themselves inside one of the lower cabins, drenched in sweat, terrified, and furious. They would not come up to the main deck. They would not mingle with the guests. They would not accept food or drink from an authoritarian military custody unit. They understood the risk.

Out to sea, under guard, without their manager, the Beatles spent the night in enforced isolation—the first phase of the Manila operation.

Brian’s Fury

While the Beatles were trapped on the yacht in Manila Bay, Brian Epstein was fighting a battle on land—one driven by panic, rage, and the realization that something had gone terribly wrong. The band was out at sea, under guard, unreachable by any normal means. Brian had no visual confirmation of their condition. He had no assurance of their safety. All he knew was that his clients—four of the most famous young men in the world—had been forcibly taken from him. Ringo had been held prisoner on a boat the year before, but it was only in a movie—the Beatles’ musical comedy-adventure Help!.

Brian and booking agent Vic Lewis finally managed to occupy a communications office at the harbor. Inside that small room, surrounded by maritime personnel and outdated equipment, Brian seized the only tool available to him: a high frequency maritime radio telephone. Through it, Brian patched directly into the bridge of the yacht, anchored roughly half a mile to a mile offshore. Archival accounts describe Brian as physically shaking with rage. He did not negotiate. He did not plead. He screamed into the radio, demanding the immediate return of the Beatles. He threatened to cancel the stadium concerts entirely—two shows scheduled for July 4, with a combined audience of 80,000 people. Canceling those concerts would have caused an immediate public riot against the Marcos government. The political fallout would have been catastrophic.

The threat worked. Orders were relayed to the yacht’s captain. The anchor was raised. The vessel turned back toward shore. After hours of fear, heat, and isolation, the Beatles were delivered to The Manila Hotel—sometime around 3:00 a.m. (Some accounts say 4:00a.m.)

Four Empty Chairs

On the morning of July 4, 1966, after their chaotic reception in Manila and overnight detention on the yacht, the Beatles were exhausted and dehydrated. They had two stadium concerts scheduled that day. They needed sleep. But at 8:00 a.m., only a few hours after their release, armed presidential guards and government officials arrived at The Manila Hotel demanding to collect the Beatles for a luncheon at Malacañang Palace hosted by Imelda Marcos. Everything about this was wrong.

Why the Scenario Didn’t Add Up. First, the timing made no sense. The luncheon didn’t begin until 11:00 a.m. The palace was only two miles from the hotel—a ten‑minute drive. If the Beatles had gone with the officials at 8:00 a.m., they would have been forced to sit around the palace for nearly three hours, waiting for the event to begin. No reasonable host would expect this. No reasonable manager would allow it.

Second, Brian had already declined the invitation days earlier, in writing.He adhered strictly to a “no politics / no palaces” rule to protect the Beatles’ neutral brand. The invitation had come directly from Imelda Marcos, the First Lady of the Philippines, via local promoter Ramon Ramos Jr.—not through diplomatic channels like the British Embassy. Brian’s refusal should have ended the matter.

Third, the Beatles had just been kidnapped. Brian fought for hours to get them back. How could he possibly allow them to be taken to the palace now? And he didn’t. He confronted the officials at the hotel door and refused to let them wake the band. He stood his ground, protecting the Beatles from further danger. The officials left, undoubtedly furious.

Paul’s Secret Morning Outing. Here’s a surreal twist: While the Marcos regime was trying to collect the Beatles for the palace luncheon, Paul McCartney slipped out of The Manila Hotel in disguise. Accompanied by road manager Mal Evans, he wandered into the Ermita district’s art‑gallery row on A. Mabini Street. This was typical of Paul—on tour, he often explored cities quietly, especially in places that felt “exotic” or culturally rich.

During this walk, Paul visited a small gallery and purchased an acrylic on canvas painting titled “Fishing in Sexmoan,” by a young Benedicto Cabrera—later known as BenCab, National Artist for Visual Arts. Paul paid ₱70 (Philippine pesos) for the piece. BenCab was out of the gallery at the time. Years later, when BenCab wanted to include the painting in a retrospective book published in London, he contacted “Paul McCartney’s” team. Representatives confirmed that William still owned the painting and even provided a photograph of it for the artist.

The real Paul—wandering Manila with Mal, buying art—had no idea there was quite literally a bounty on his head.

The Luncheon Begins Without the Beatles. At 11:00 a.m., the palace luncheon started as scheduled. It was a massive, televised banquet for roughly 300 guests—elite children, military families, and Imelda Marcos herself. State television cameras swept across the lavishly decorated tables, broadcasting the event live across the Philippines. And then the cameras focused on the most conspicuous detail in the room: four empty, gilded chairs, labeled for John, Paul, George, and Ringo. The Beatles were not there. They were resting at The Manila Hotel, recovering from their ordeal. They had concerts to prepare for. Their manager had declined the invitation.But to the public, watching live on television, it looked like a profound insult—Western rock stars snubbing the First Lady and the children of the nation.

Manila as an Assassination Scenario

The events of July 3–4, 1966, were chaotic, frightening, and humiliating. But when viewed through the lens of a plot to murder and replace Paul McCartney, they take on an eerie logic—a sequence of actions that look less like diplomatic mismanagement and more like the architecture of a failed operation.

The Palace as the Kill‑Site. If a rogue American agency enlisted the Marcos regime, the palace would have been the ideal location for an assassination. It was a secure environment—heavily guarded, isolated from foreign oversight, staffed by loyalists, and shielded from public visibility. It was the one place in Manila where the regime could control every variable.

The Invitation: Get Paul to the Palace. Approximately a week before the Beatles arrived in the Philippines, Imelda Marcos extended a formal invitation for the band to attend a palace luncheon. But Brian Epstein declined the invitation immediately. His refusal disrupted the plan.

The Workaround: Kidnap the Beatles on Arrival. If the palace was the intended kill-site, and Brian had declined the luncheon invitation, the state would have to gain control of the band immediately upon arrival, hold them overnight, and deliver them to the palace the next day.And that’s almost what happened.When the Beatles landed in Manila, armed military personnel physically seized them; separated them from their handlers;drove them to the Navy Headquarters; and held them offshore on a yacht, under the guise of a party. The regime successfully held the Beatles in custody until Brian secured their release—again disrupting the scheme.

The Back-up Plan: Retrieve the Band from Their Hotel. At 8:00 a.m. on July 4, armed officials arrived at The Manila Hotel to collect the Beatles for the luncheon. Brian refused; he turned the officials away. For a third time, he had obstructed the Marcos regime.

The Last-Ditch Effort: Lure the Beatles to the Palace. When the luncheon began, state television repeatedly showed four empty chairs labeled for John, Paul, George, and Ringo. This was not accidental. The optics were designed to shame, provoke, and pressure the Beatles to respond—to make them come to the palace and “correct” the insult. But the Beatles didn’t take the bait. They stayed at The Manila Hotel, preparing for their afternoon concert.

The plot to murder and replace Paul McCartney in Manila had failed.

The Case of the Gold Suit

If Manila was intended as a seamless, on‑the‑spot replacement scenario, then Paul McCartney and his lookalike, William, would have needed to be dressed identically, or nearly so. Clothing becomes a form of camouflage, a continuity device. In San Francisco, Paul and William were dressed exactly alike, down to the red-and-white-striped shirt and the cut of the red jacket. But in Manila, Brian Epstein had no idea a plot was unfolding. He obstructed every step of it. That meant the Marcos regime would have been responsible for styling William to match Paul.

This is where clothing becomes important—and the gold suit enters the story.

Paul and William Were Not the Same Size. William states explicitly in The Memoirs of Billy Shears that he was several inches taller and broader than Paul. He describes being urged by Paul’s father, Jim, to try on Paul’s clothes—a scene almost certainly invented, given that Paul was photographed and filmed at the Melody Maker Awards, with Ringo, the day after William’s supposed encounter with the McCartneys. Still, his description of the fit is revealing:

During a visit with Jim and Angie McCartney’s family on Monday, 12 September 1966, when they all took me to Paul’s St John’s Wood home for documents, the thing that won them over was that I sang for them. Then they urged me to try on Paul’s clothes. I objected, telling them that nothing of Paul’s would fit, but put on a shirt and pair of pants to make the point. He was inches shorter and had a smaller chest and waist. The cuffs went up my arms; the open pants stopped much too soon; and undershirts were out of the question. Nothing could button or snap. Paul was smaller than I thought.

The size difference between the two men matters because Paul’s clothing could not simply be removed from his body (even if it remained unsoiled during a murder) and put on William. A matching outfit would have to be custom made.

The Marcos Regime Had Time to Replicate Paul’s Outfit. By kidnapping the Beatles, holding them overnight on the yacht, and delivering them straight to the palace (according to the original plan), the Marcos regime would have had about eighteen hours to examine what Paul was wearing, photograph or describe the outfit, communicate the details to a tailor or seamstress, and fabricate a matching ensemble for William, to be ready by the luncheon. Recall that in the image of Paul on the yacht (photo 32), he is without his jacket; it isn’t draped over the chair or visible anywhere. Given the heat, Paul may have removed it. Or perhaps the jacket was removed from him and kept ashore, to be reproduced for William. When you think about it, the jacket mattered more than the shirt, because the shirt could be almost entirely concealed beneath it.

After the yacht ordeal was over, thanks to Brian’s intervention, the Marcos regime attempted to collect the Beatles at their hotel three hours before the luncheon. This timing makes perfect sense if the state needed those hours to see what Paul was wearing and replicate it for William. Brian didn’t let the Beatles go to the palace, however, so it was a moot point.

Paul’s Manila Ensemble Was Unique. When Paul arrived in Manila, he wore a striking outfit:

  • A wide‑collared, multi‑colored, floral‑print shirt with puffy sleeves
  • A gold‑colored suit
Photo 34
Photo 35

Only black‑and‑white photographs exist from Manila, but Paul wore the same ensemble (substituting dark trousers for the gold ones) the following month at the Beatles’ Warwick hotel press conference in New York City. A black-and-white closeup from the event reveals the shirt’s beautiful floral pattern (photo 34). And plentiful color images confirm the shirt’s vivid tones and the jacket’s gold hue (photo 35).

Here’s my favorite part of the story: Paul arrived in Manila wearing a singular, bespoke outfit that would have been a real headache for the regime to reproduce. As it turned out, they would largely fail on the shirt but succeed on the jacket. And how do we know that?

Photo 36
Photo 37
Photo 38

William Later Wore Clothing Matching Paul’s Manila Outfit. After Paul’s death, William was photographed wearing:

  • A floral‑print shirt in the exact style of Paul’s Manila shirt (photo 36). The pattern is different, but the cut, collar, and sleeve shape are the same. This photo was taken in August 1967, in Bangor, North Wales, where the Beatles were attending a seminar on Transcendental Meditation.
  • A gold jacket virtually indistinguishable from Paul’s (photo 37). The color, sheen, and cut closely match Paul’s Manila/New York ensemble. William is sitting behind a drum kit—probably not long after Paul’s death, since William was mustachioed during that period.
  • Gold pants matching the jacket (photo 38). This photo appears to have been taken outside Paul’s home on Cavendish Avenue.
Photo 39

In addition, William was photographed wearing a striped shirt that may be from the Francisco assassination scenario ensemble (photo 39). This photo appears to have been taken in the yard of Paul’s London home.

Skeptics will say that these are simply photos of Paul wearing his own clothes. But for those who can distinguish between Paul and William—facial structure, posture, proportions—the garments take on a different meaning. If William was larger than Paul, as he states in his memoir, he could not have worn Paul’s actual gold suit or his red-and-white striped shirt. He would have required replicas. And replicas are exactly what these garments appear to be.

***

The gold suit is a forensic clue—visual evidence of a plot that almost succeeded, a thread connecting the failed assassination scenario in Manila to the later, successful replacement.

Follow the Money

By the afternoon of July 4, 1966, it was clear that Paul McCartney wasn’t coming to Malacañang. Brian Epstein had thwarted every attempt to get the band to the palace—the invitation, the kidnapping, the early morning pick-up, even the televised lure of the four empty chairs. The Marcos regime must have been furious—at the failure of the assassination scenario, and at the humiliation Brian had unwittingly inflicted by outmaneuvering them.

But fury alone doesn’t explain what happened next—the escalating outrage, the physical assaults, the orchestrated delays. Why were the Beatles treated with such hostility after the plot failed? Something deeper was driving the regime’s behavior.

A Failed Operation Is an Expensive Operation. If a rogue American agency had promised the Marcos regime a multi‑million‑dollar payout upon completion of the “switch,” that money was no longer coming. And an operation of this scale would have required massive funding—to bribe local commanders, fuel naval vessels, pay military personnel, stage a lavish banquet, coordinate security, stage the media. If the payout evaporated, the regime would have been left with the bill. Perhaps the American agency said: “Get your money from the Beatles.” Or maybe the regime independently decided to recoup their losses through extortion.

Either way, the logic is the same: when the assassination scenario failed, the financial operation began.

Photo 40

The Concerts That Funded the Extortion. On July 4, the Beatles performed two shows at the Rizal Memorial Football Stadium, one at 4:00 p.m. and one at 8:30 p.m. The combined audience was roughly 80,000 people. It was one of the largest crowds the Beatles ever played to.Backstage before the first show, John and Paul were photographed meeting two fans (photo 40). Paul, barefoot and caught mid‑undress, holds a smiling young woman on his lap—a moment of sweetness amid the chaos.

Photo 41
Photo 42

Inside the stadium, the military presence was overwhelming (photo 41). Soldiers lined the field, aisles, entrances, and perimeter. It looked less like crowd control and more like occupation. Outside the stadium, the scene was the same—dense crowds, heavy police presence, and military personnel controlling movement (photo 42). The regime wanted the concerts to be orderly, safe, successful, and profitable. Because the money from those shows would become the regime’s consolation prize for the failed palace operation.

The Silenced Apology

A political storm appeared to be brewing over the Beatles’ “palace snub.” To the Filipino public, it looked like the Beatles had insulted the First Lady, the nation’s children, and the country itself. As the evening of July 4 came to a close, Brian Epstein realized the situation could spiral into danger. He had to act.

The Midnight Broadcast. Brian arranged for Channel 5 to send cameras directly to the hotel so he could deliver a live televised apology to the nation. It was a desperate attempt to defuse the anger and protect the band. Brian’s statement was carefully drafted, diplomatic, and heartfelt. He emphasized that the Beatles meant no disrespect to the Philippines or its children.

But the Marcos regime had no intention of letting the apology reach the public. They delayed the broadcast until midnight, ensuring that almost no one would see it live. And when Brian began reading his statement, state technicians at the broadcast tower jammed the audio and visual feeds with a wall of artificial static. The camera crew inside the hotel room gave no indication that anything was wrong; the monitors showed a clean signal. Brian believed he was being heard. He wasn’t. The regime muted him, erasing the apology in real time.

Paul’s Separate Plea. Meanwhile, Paul conducted a separate interview for the Manila Times and local radio operators. His remarks were polite, earnest, and edged with quiet pleading. He repeated how much the band loved their Filipino fans. He clarified that they hadn’t received an official directive about the palace luncheon and would never intentionally insult the First Family. (As a footnote, Brian had declined the invitation on the Beatles’ behalf; it doesn’t appear that they had any prior knowledge of it.)

Paul’s words were sincere, but the regime would control the narrative.

***

Brian went to bed that night believing he had successfully deployed a public‑relations shield around the band. He thought the danger had passed.

Isolation and Exposure

The events of July 5, 1966, are difficult to reconstruct. Accounts conflict, timelines blur, and memories diverge. But even through the contradictions, one pattern is unmistakable: the Marcos regime spent the morning systematically isolating the Beatles and exposing them to danger—not to kill them but to break Brian Epstein’s resistance and force a financial surrender.

Waking Up to Isolation. The Beatles woke up at The Manila Hotel to find room service cut off, hotel staff gone, security withdrawn, and telephone lines dead.The band was effectively sealed inside the hotel, unable to contact the British Embassy, international media, or even local authorities. The blackout ensured that Brian Epstein could not report that the Beatles were being held in a compromised situation.

The First Tax Bill. At 8:00 a.m., a man in a shiny suit carrying a brown briefcase appeared at Brian’s door. He demanded immediate payment of a massive income tax bill on the Beatles’ concert fees.Brian refused.He explained that according to the Beatles’ contract, Cavalcade, the local promoter, was responsible for all local taxes; and Brian hadn’t even received the physical cash payout yet. If he had been able to hand over the money right then—and if he had chosen to do so—the drama that followed might not have happened.

The Negative Press. Positive reviews of the Beatles’ musical showmanship were heavily colored by the morning’s political fallout. Newspapers like the Manila Times ran front-page editorials condemning the band’s “arrogant Western behavior” at the palace, accusing the Beatles of intentionally snubbing the First Lady and her children. The country had seemingly turned against them overnight.

The Cash Delivery. At some point during the morning, promoter Ramon Ramos Jr. of Cavalcade may have delivered a portion of the concert proceeds directly to Brian at The Manila Hotel.If so, the cash was now physically in Brian’s possession, and the regime surely knew it.

The Withdrawal of Secure Transportation. The band’s official police escorts and military security details vanished.This was one of the most chilling moves of the morning.By removing state protection, the regime signaled that the Beatles were now fully exposed—vulnerable to crowds, hostile actors, and whatever chaos might erupt. The psychological message was clear: You are alone. You are unprotected. You will comply.

The Plea to the British Embassy. Despite the communication blackout, Brian managed to establish contact with the British Embassy—which was already in a state of high alert. Its switchboard had been flooded with bomb threats as well as death threats directed at the Beatles.Brian begged for a diplomatic or military escort to the airport.The ambassador explained that under strict diplomatic protocols, a foreign embassy cannot deploy armed security forces onto another nation’s sovereign soil. Brian was on his own.

The Orchestrated Delay

The journey to Nichols Field (Manila International Airport) became its own operation.

Reliance on Commercial Taxis. With all official government limousines, police escorts, and security vehicles withdrawn, the band was forced to rely on ordinary Manila city taxis. The Beatles and their entourage had to haul amplifiers, guitars, and luggage by hand; scramble into small, unprotected taxis; and travel without security, guidance, or any guarantee of safety.

The Advance Run. To prevent total blindness, press officer Tony Barrow and booking agent Vic Lewis took a separate cab ahead of the band. Their job was to check in the luggage, secure the tickets, confirm the flight, and assess the situation at the terminal. Accounts from the entourage emphasize that the driver of this advance cab was fiercely loyal, determined to help the Beatles escape the city.This advance run was the only part of the Beatles’ departure from Manila that went smoothly.

The Circuitous Route. The drive from The Manila Hotel to Manila International Airport is roughly 7 miles. Under normal 1966 traffic conditions, the trip should have taken 15 to 20 minutes. Instead, the taxis carrying the Beatles pretended to get lost, took bizarre detours, and circled the airport’s perimeter. Their stalling tactics appeared engineered to give state operators time to prepare Nichols Field as one big trap for the band.

The Drop‑Off. When the taxis finally completed their deviations, they did not take the Beatles to a secure VIP entrance. Instead, they dropped them at the main commercial terminal, in full public view, with no protection and no buffer. The drivers then sped off immediately, abandoning the band and their aides on the curb—delivering them into the hands of the regime.

The Gauntlet

What happened inside the terminal was not chaos. It was a staged display of state power meant to frighten, punish, and pressure Brian Epstein into surrendering the Beatles’ concert proceeds.

Stopped Escalators. When the Beatles and their entourage rushed into the terminal, they discovered that the main escalators had been shut off. This was not a mechanical failure; it was a deliberate obstruction. The exhausted band and crew were forced to carry hundreds of pounds of VOX amplifiers, guitars, and luggage up a massive flight of concrete stairs.They bypassed the check‑in desk because Tony Barrow and Vic Lewis had already handled the formalities during the advance run.

A Tunnel of Violence. At the top of the dead escalators, the Beatles entered the departure transit lounge—a large, open waiting area. Instead of being ushered into a protective VIP area, they were funneled into a long public corridor lined with plainclothes military personnel, tax agents, and customs officials. The state actors spat on them, kicked them, punched them, and screamed insults. Various assaults and injuries were reported. Road manager Mal Evans was so shaken by blows that he recited the Lord’s Prayer as he was pushed through the crowd—a detail that appears in multiple accounts and conveys the sheer terror of the moment.

At a press conference after landing at Heathrow, Paul described the ambush:

We got to the airport, and our road managers had a lot of trouble trying to get the equipment in because the escalators had been turned off, and things. So, we got there, and we got put into the transit lounge. And we got pushed around from one corner of the lounge to another, you know.

John added:

I saw sort of five in sort of outfits [uniforms] that were doing the actual kicking and booing and shouting.

The attack was executed out in the open to prove that the state possessed total physical immunity; they could assault the world’s most famous band without consequence.

The VIP Lounge. Only after the Beatles and their entourage had been bruised, bloodied, and psychologically shattered were they finally shoved the VIP lounge. I suspect they were being held there to be offered another opportunity, in private, to satisfy the tax bill—now that Brian had been softened by fear and the spectacle of state aggression. Inside the VIP lounge, the Beatles and their entourage heard the final boarding call for their flight. It was the last possible moment to flee the country. If they missed this window, they would be trapped in Manila with no diplomatic protection. They bolted.

Band on the Run. The group surged out of the lounge doors in a panicked dash, using other passengers as human shields as they sprinted across the tarmac toward the waiting KLM Douglas DC-8. This moment—the literal act of running for their lives—became the emotional seed of Paul’s song “Band on the Run,” which William would record and release eight years later, with Wings.

According to press officer Tony Barrow, the harassment continued as they crossed the tarmac. Some of the band’s fans were also present; when they expressed sympathy for the Beatles, they, too, attracted scorn. Behind the Beatles, road managers Mal Evans and Neil Aspinall dragged the heaviest gear toward the baggage chutes. The airport handlers refused to touch it. Mal and Neil were forced to lift the crates themselves while being jeered at and shoved.

The Beatles reached the aircraft, climbed the steps, and entered the cabin. They thought they were safe.

Extortion on the Tarmac

The Beatles collapsed into their seats, shaken but relieved. But the Marcos regime wasn’t finished with them. The cabin doors remained open. The air conditioning was shut off. The plane was denied clearance for takeoff. What happened next is one of the most heavily mythologized episodes in Beatles history.

Rather than attempting to present a single “official” story, I’ll present a sampling of accounts. The contradictions themselves reveal how chaotic, opaque, and frightening the incident was.

Version 1: The Bond for 74,450 Pesos. In one widely circulated telling, armed officials boarded the aircraft and confronted Brian Epstein directly in the cabin. They demanded that he sign a bond for 74,450 Philippine pesos—roughly £6,800 or $18,000 at the time ($185,000 today). This was framed as a “tax levy,” not the full amount of the Beatles’ concert earnings, but enough to ensure that NEMS Enterprises (Brian’s music management company) suffered a definitive financial loss for the trip. Brian, exhausted and terrified, signed the bond under duress. The officials then disembarked. In this version, the extortion is bureaucratic, formal, and conducted entirely on board the aircraft.

Version 2: The 24,000‑Peso Cash Payment. Another account describes a more visceral confrontation. Armed immigration and tax officials boarded the plane and ordered Brian Epstein, Mal Evans, and assistant Peter Brown to step off the aircraft. The men refused, terrified they would be arrested or disappeared if they returned to Philippine soil. To avoid being dragged off by force, Epstein settled the dispute inside the cabin itself. He handed over 24,000 Philippine pesos in cash (approximately $6,150 at the time, or $63,400 today)—money he had frantically secured from promoter Ramon Ramos Jr. earlier that morning. The officials accepted the cash and left. In this version, the extortion is immediate, physical, and resolved through a direct cash handover rather than formal paperwork.

Version 3: Epstein and Evans Forced Off the Plane. A third account is the most dramatic. In this telling, armed military personnel boarded the aircraft and announced over the intercom that the plane would not be cleared for takeoff unless the Beatles paid a massive, surprise exit tax. Because the band did not have the required cash on hand, Brian Epstein and Mal Evans were ordered off the plane by armed guards. As Evans walked off, he turned to the band and said, “Please tell my wife I love her,” genuinely fearing he was being taken to jail or worse.

Epstein and Evans were escorted back into the hostile terminal to settle the payment. At some point—either before they stepped off the aircraft or as they were being escorted—the pilot warned Epstein that due to strict international scheduling rules and the growing unrest outside, the airline might have to depart without them if they took too long. Epstein begged the pilot to wait. Epstein filed a bond for 74,450 Philippine pesos (again, roughly £6,800 or $18,000 at the time, or $185,000 today), satisfying the tax bureau. He and Evans rushed back aboard; the pilot had held the plane for them. In this version, the extortion is a terrifying blend of financial coercion, physical threat, and the possibility of being left behind in a country where they had no protection.

Version 4: Passport Irregularities. In this account, an announcement called Brian Epstein off the plane to finalize an unpaid tax demand. Mal Evans and press officer Tony Barrow were also told to disembark. After some “passport irregularities” were sorted out, they re‑boarded and the plane was cleared for departure. Booking agent Vic Lewis then argued with Epstein about the concert takings, prompting Epstein to admonish him for focusing on money after the ordeal they had just endured. It is unclear how much money was extracted, but some apparently was, because Lewis was displeased about it. In this version, the extortion is disguised as bureaucratic confusion rather than overt coercion.

My interpretation of the “passport irregularities” is that Epstein and Evans had not been properly checked in because their passports were not included in the advance run handled by Barrow and Lewis.

***

Despite the conflicting accounts, one detail is consistent: the plane finally took off at 4:45 p.m., forty‑four minutes behind schedule. This moment marks the end of the Manila movement, except for a brief exploration of a question that really nagged at me as I researched this turbulent chapter of the Beatles’ history.

Was the Outrage Real?

The central claim of the Marcos regime was that the Filipino public rose up in fury against the Beatles for “snubbing” the First Lady. But the evidence contradicts this at every turn.

The Fans Loved the Beatles. On July 4, just hours before the supposed eruption of public anger, 80,000 fans packed the Rizal Memorial Football Stadium for two sold‑out concerts. These were ordinary Manila residents—students, workers, families—who spent their hard‑earned money to see the band. They were peaceful, ecstatic, and deeply devoted. It makes no sense to suggest that this same population transformed overnight into a violent mob over a missed luncheon. There is no credible evidence of widespread civilian hostility, no spontaneous riots, and no mass anger from the general public. The only “outrage” visible in the historical record came from the state.

The Threats Could Have Come from the Regime. The British Embassy received bomb threats and death threats on the morning of July 5, but nothing about these calls proves they came from ordinary citizens. Given the Marcos regime’s control over media, security, and communications, it is entirely plausible—and consistent with their behavior—that these threats were state‑generated. They served a clear purpose: to terrify Brian Epstein, isolate the Beatles, justify the withdrawal of protection, and create the illusion of a public backlash. The threats fit seamlessly into the regime’s strategy of psychological pressure, not into any organic groundswell of public anger.

The Violence Was State‑Led, Not Civilian. The most decisive evidence comes from the airport. John Lennon specifically noted that the men doing the kicking and shouting were in “outfits”—uniforms. These were not random civilians. They were terminal employees, customs officials, military personnel, nationalist agitators, and plainclothes intelligence operatives. All were acting under direct orders. And critically, the violence occurred only in secure, restricted airport zones where ordinary civilians were not allowed. If this had been a genuine public riot, the violence would have been chaotic, widespread, and civilian‑led. Instead, it was targeted, organized, and choreographed—a staged humiliation carried out by state actors.

The Real Youth of Manila Were Locked Out. Meanwhile, the actual youth of Manila—the same fans who had packed the stadium the day before—were kept far outside the airport perimeter. They watched in confusion as the Beatles were forced to flee. They were not angry or violent. They were not part of the operation. They were spectators to a state‑manufactured spectacle. The regime needed the appearance of a “people’s protest,” but it did not trust the real people of Manila to deliver one. So, it created one.

Marcos’s Immediate Damage Control. Perhaps the most revealing detail comes after the Beatles’ departure. Almost immediately after the plane took off for New Delhi, where the band would have a two-day stopover before returning to London, President Ferdinand Marcos issued a statement clarifying that the Beatles had no malicious intent and had not meant to insult the First Lady. Historians interpret this as classic diplomatic damage control—a rapid attempt to protect the Philippines’ international tourism image after the regime had already extracted the tax revenue. Marcos’s statement is the final proof that the “public fury” was a state-manufactured narrative, deployed for political optics and financial gain, and then quietly abandoned once the money was secured.

New York City: The Photo That Shouldn’t Exist

August 22–23, 1966

Pre-Echoes of San Francisco

The New York City movement begins with a strange sense of reverse déjà vu: a set of parallels between the Beatles’ arrival in New York City on August 22, 1966, and their arrival in San Francisco a week later (which we have already examined). These parallels are subtle but worth exploring. They suggest that Paul McCartney may have been subjected to multiple assassination attempts surrounding to the Beatles’ visit to New York City, as well as earlier poisonings during the 1966 North American tour.

Too Much of a Coincidence? During the Beatles’ press conference at the Warwick hotel, where the band was staying, a reporter asked Paul about having become ill after landing at LaGuardia Airport:

REPORTER: Paul, according to wire reports, you became a little ill after you got off the plane last night. What happened? Air sickness?

PAUL: Yeah, something. You know, I haven’t been too well on the tour. I just felt a bit ill, that’s all, and I was sick.

An additional question related to the Beatles’ arrival:

REPORTER: When you arrived at the airport and there were only nine girls waiting to meet you, were you disappointed, and do you think that’s a reflection of a loss of popularity in this country?

JOHN: Yeah, we’re real brought down by it.

PAUL: Really disappointed! Three o’clock in the morning they expected millions.

With this information in mind, let’s look at the similarities between the Beatles’ arrivals in New York City and San Francisco:

  1. Paul was sick when the Beatles arrived in both cities. Paul confirmed that he was sick—suggesting vomiting—after deplaning in New York City; William deplaned in Paul’s place in San Francisco, so Paul’s sickness on the plane must be inferred.
  2. Few were present to witness either plane’s landing. In New York City, the Beatles landed at 3:50 a.m., greeted by “nine girls.” In San Francisco, the Beatles landed at a remote, defunct terminal.
  3. William was photographed in proximity to Paul in both cities. In New York City, William was photographed on a boat with Paul, either the day the Beatles arrived or the following day. (We’ll get to this photo in a moment.) In San Francisco, William was photographed on the Beatles’ plane and bus, as well as backstage at Candlestick Park.

To recap: two cities, two unwitnessed arrivals, two sick Pauls, two photographed Williams.

Pick Your Poison. Was Paul poisoned on the flight from St. Louis to New York City, as he would appear to be on the flight from Los Angeles to San Francisco?

The timeline during this part of the tour was brutal. On August 20, the band’s Cincinnati concert was rained out. On August 21, they performed a rescheduled noon show and then flew to St. Louis for an evening concert in another downpour. After the show, they were hauled away in a cold, steel‑lined equipment van and driven directly to the airport. They boarded their private flight to New York City and landed at 3:50 a.m., as we have already seen.

Photo 43
Photo 44

On the flight from Cincinnati to St. Louis, Paul was photographed drinking from a green bottle (photos 43 and 44)—relaxed, unwinding, unaware. These images don’t prove anything, but they visually set the stage for the idea that Paul might have ingested something toxic on the next flight—or really any flight where someone had sinister intentions for him.

A Question of Decoys. Two days after the New York City press conference, in Los Angeles, a reporter asked whether the Beatles had ever used doubles or decoys:

REPORTER: Have you ever used or trained Beatle doubles as decoys on a…

RINGO: No.

JOHN: No.

PAUL: We tried to get Brian Epstein to do it…he wouldn’t do it.

(laughter)

The laughter in the room suggests the band didn’t take the question seriously. But the inquiry itself is intriguing. Why did a reporter ask it at all? Why did it surface at this moment—between New York and San Francisco, two cities where William, Paul’s double, was photographed? Had someone noticed the taller, broader guy dressed to match Paul McCartney among the Beatles’ entourage?

The Beatles “didn’t use doubles,” but one would deplane in Paul’s stead five days later, in San Francisco.

Two Pauls on a Boat

The New York City movement pivots on a single photograph—a moment so improbable, so visually dissonant, that it becomes one of the most astonishing artifacts in the entire Paul Is Dead narrative. It is a photo that should not exist: Paul McCartney and the man who would replace him, William Shepherd, together on a boat in New York City, dressed alike, at the same time, in the same frame.

No official Beatles chronicle mentions a boat trip during the band’s 1966 visit to New York City. The Beatles arrived at 3:50 a.m. on August 22, stayed at the Warwick hotel, held two press events, and prepared for their Shea Stadium concert the next day. Yet somewhere in that narrow window—likely on August 23, based on Paul’s wardrobe—an excursion on a Chinese junk called the Mon Lei occurred. And someone was there with a camera.

Photo 45

The Impossible Image. In the August 1966 photo on the Mon Lei (photo 45), Paul stands at the left side of the frame, leaning casually against the railing, smiling, relaxed, holding a beverage. His posture is loose, his expression open. He looks like Paul McCartney.

At the center of the boat sits William—the man who would soon become Paul McCartney—grinning broadly, almost giddily, as if caught mid‑guffaw. He looks like Paul McCartney.

Both men wear the same dark, structured blazer; the same light collared shirt; and the same slim tie.

Photo 46
Photo 47

The visual shock of the photo is immediate. You can look at Paul’s isolated image (photo 46) and say, “That’s Paul McCartney.” You can look at William’s isolated image (photo 47) and say, “That’s Paul McCartney.” One is the real Paul. The other is the man who would become the world’s concept of Paul McCartney for the next sixty years.

The Collective Memory Problem. Today, in 2026, the man known as Sir Paul McCartney has been performing as Paul for six decades. His face, voice, posture, and mannerisms have become the cultural baseline for the name Paul McCartney. The original Paul—the young man from Liverpool who lived in the public eye for only three years—has been eclipsed by the longevity of his replacement.

Our brains retroactively project the familiar face backward in time. We smooth over discrepancies. We see what we expect to see. This is retrospective bias—a form of cultural conditioning in which the long‑dominant image overwrites the earlier one. William’s sixty‑year career becomes a kind of camouflage, altering collective memory of what the original Paul actually looked like.

And there is a second layer: contextual priming. When a person stands near John, George, and Ringo—three instantly recognizable figures—the brain takes a cognitive shortcut. It assumes the fourth man must be Paul. The group’s silhouette becomes a Gestalt: a whole perceived before its parts. The Beatles are the Beatles; therefore, the fourth man is Paul. This is how William “passed.” Not only because he resembled Paul, but because he stood beside the other three.

Photo 48

The Missing Beatles. The second anomaly of the 1966 boat photo is the absence of John, George, and Ringo. During a U.S. tour, the Beatles were almost never separated during public or promotional outings. Yet in this photo, only Paul is visible on the deck. A faint silhouette at the far right of the frame may belong to a Beatle, possibly John or Ringo (photo 48). But the composition is unmistakable: Paul is physically separated from the others. William sits at the center. The photographer stands at the opposite end, capturing a moment that feels strangely staged.

A Scene That Feels Like a Setup. In a sense, the Mon Lei became a floating stage. It mirrors the Manila yacht—isolated, jurisdictionally ambiguous, ideal for covert action. So, why wasn’t the switch executed here? This single image is the moment where the conspiracy becomes visible—undeniable. Paul and William occupy the same frame. The replacement is not theoretical. William is present. He is dressed like Paul. He is positioned like Paul. He is smiling like a man on the brink of transformation.

Another Successful Paul McCartney Lookalike

I’d like to pause to acknowledge a remarkable historical footnote—one that proves, beyond theory or speculation, that Paul McCartney lookalikes did exist, and one of them became a rock star in his own right.

Photo 49

In late 1965, a Paul McCartney lookalike contest was co‑sponsored by The Beatles’ management, the teen magazine Tiger Beat, and television host Dick Clark. The winner was Keith Allison, a young musician from Texas whose resemblance to Paul (photo 49) was so uncanny that he was mobbed by fans, photographed in magazines, and quickly absorbed into the American entertainment industry. Allison became a regular performer on Dick Clark’s television show and later joined the prominent rock band Paul Revere & the Raiders—a career trajectory that demonstrates, unequivocally, that a Paul McCartney double could be musically talented, charismatic, and capable of sustaining rock‑star visibility.

Allison’s story matters here because it directly addresses some common objections: “No one could look enough like Paul McCartney to replace him.” “Even if someone looked like Paul McCartney, he couldn’t also be a skilled musician.” But someone accomplished this—publicly, successfully, and with documented media coverage.

And then comes the conspiratorial hinge: some theorists argue that William Shepherd entered the very same contest. If true, it would explain how he came to the attention of the American government agency looking to replace Paul McCartney. It would also mean that William—the man who would become Paul McCartney—may have lost a Paul McCartney lookalike contest. The irony is sharp: perhaps he couldn’t pull off the mop‑top aesthetic, which may help explain why the Beatles abandoned their iconic Beatlemania look instantaneously after Paul’s death. Having said that, the band’s image would surely have evolved, with the changing times, if their original bassist hadn’t died.

The Mon Lei Problem

The Mon Lei is one of the strangest recurring objects in the Paul Is Dead narrative—a physical location that appears twice, two years apart, in two different contexts, with two different Pauls. The boat itself becomes a kind of visual trapdoor: step onto it in 1966, and you see a moment that should not exist; step onto it again in 1968, and you see the replacement fully integrated into the Beatles’ machinery.

It’s essential—yet surprisingly tricky—not to conflate the two eras.

Two Trips, Two Eras, One Boat. Members of the Beatles boarded the Mon Lei twice:

  • In 1966: the aborted transition moment, with Paul and William together
  • In 1968: an Apple Corps publicity cruise, with William and John

These two events are entirely separate. Different outfits. Different passengers. Different purposes. Different rivers. The 1966 cruise appears to have taken place on the East River, with its distinctive bridges. The 1968 cruise sailed the Hudson River, circling the Statue of Liberty. Yet the photographs from these two trips have been repeatedly confused—and in one case, deliberately merged.

The 1968 Apple Corps Cruise. On May 12, 1968, John and William spent five hours aboard the Mon Lei during a high‑profile business meeting and publicity blitz. Apple Corps was being launched in the United States, and the boat provided a private, photogenic refuge from the media frenzy on land. The corporation was founded as an umbrella for the Beatles’ various business and creative interests. In William’s memoir, he offers the following reading of the name Apple Corps: “A Paul Corpse.” I have no idea if that was truly the origin of the name, or if it was just a “happy” accident.

The passenger list reads like a who’s who of Beatles infrastructure:

  • John Lennon
  • William Shepherd (Paul McCartney’s replacement)
  • Ron Kass, newly appointed U.S. Apple director
  • Neil Aspinall, chief executive officer and managing director
  • Mal Evans, executive assistant
  • Derek Taylor, chief press officer
  • “Magic” Alex Mardas, head of Apple Electronics
Photo 50
Photo 51

The 1968 photos are plentiful, often colorful. William wears a vibrant green jacket over a rust‑colored sweater and a white collared shirt—a bold, confident outfit (photo 50). John appears relaxed, seated in a wicker chair, entirely at ease beside William (photo 51). The images offer visual proof that by 1968, the transition was complete: John isn’t separated from the “asset”; he is partnering with him, launching a multimillion‑dollar venture.

Photo 52

The Striped Jacket Anomaly. One of the strangest details linking the 1966 and 1968 photos is the presence of a Beatles associate—likely Derek Taylor—wearing the same striped jacket in both eras (photo 52). Not only is the jacket identical, but the man wearing it is seated in the exact same spot on the boat in both sets of photos. I can’t describe how confounded I was, as I compared the images. I thought, “Did Derek Taylor have a boat jacket?”

But maybe it wasn’t a casual coincidence. Maybe it was a visual anchor so that if the two eras were ever mixed up—intentionally or accidentally—the identical jacket and identical seating position would create a false continuity. A researcher could be convinced that the 1966 photo was simply another angle from the 1968 Apple cruise. Yet I couldn’t positively identify any passengers from the 1966 photo in the 1968 photos (or vice versa), except for William and the man in the striped jacket.

Photo 53

The Publication That Merged the Eras. In The Beatles Monthly Book, issue No. 62 (September 1968), photos from the two eras were printed side by side—one above, one below—with a caption implying that both images were taken during the 1968 Apple excursion (photo 53). But the bottom photo shows the original Paul McCartney, alive, smiling, and standing on the Mon Lei two years earlier.The two photos were credited to Mal Evans. By slipping the 1966 image into a 1968 layout, Mal preserved a visual proof of life: Paul McCartney, in 1966, about six feet from the man who would replace him. I think this would qualify as a Paul Is Dead clue: a quiet act of resistance from the Beatles’ inner circle.

The Loose Linchpin

The 1966 Mon Lei photo raises the central question of the New York City movement: Why didn’t the switch happen on the boat? Paul and William were dressed alike. Paul was separated from the other Beatles. The environment was controlled and isolated. The timeline was narrow. The opportunity was real. And yet, Paul walked off the boat alive. I believe the answer isn’t logistical. It’s human.

Photo 54

The Photograph Problem. One possible explanation is that Mal Evans was photographing the scene. In the 1966 photo, a dark‑haired, dark‑bearded man stands behind William, speaking surreptitiously to a taller, lighter‑haired man beside him (photo 54). The dark‑haired man conceals his mouth with his wrist—a gesture that suggests covert communication. If these were operatives, the dark‑haired man may have been alerting the other that Mal was taking a photo of the entire party, capturing both Paul and William in the same frame.

This might have complicated the operation. But it would not have stopped it. The operatives could have confiscated Mal’s camera or at least demanded the film. They could have destroyed the evidence. The photograph problem alone does not explain the failure.

The stronger explanation—the one supported by highly unusual things that happened afterward—is that Brian Epstein was onboard the Mon Lei, and he intervened.Brian was responsible for dressing Paul and William identically that day. He knew the plan. He understood the stakes. But at some point after the boat left the dock, Brian’s role shifted from reluctant participant to protector.

Brian’s Protective Instinct Was Ferocious. Shielding the Beatles from danger was part of Brian’s job description. When the Beatles were kidnapped by the Marcos regime and held on a yacht in Manila Bay, Brian did not behave like a cautious manager. He behaved like a man possessed. Archival accounts describe him physically shaking with rage, screaming into the shore‑to‑ship radio, threatening to cancel the concerts and fly the band home immediately if his boys were not returned.

A man who would berate an armed foreign government to protect the Beatles is not a man who would stand quietly on a boat while an assassination squad closed in on Paul McCartney. Brian would have stepped between Paul and the operatives. He would have disrupted the choreography. He would have blocked the execution window.

Paul Was the Beatles’ Creative Engine. Brian understood something the operatives probably did not: Paul was the sole writer of the Beatles’ songs. To kill Paul was to kill the band’s creative pipeline. Paul had a backlog of songs, but to replace him was to run on borrowed time. Brian knew that William—talented but untested—could never replicate Paul’s unique creative force. He knew the Beatles’ future depended on Paul’s survival, their global success rested on Paul’s songwriting. Brian fought to keep Paul alive because he knew the truth: A lookalike could replace a face. He could not replace a mind and heart.

Brian’s Financial Survival Depended on Paul. Brian’s empire—NEMS Enterprises—depended on the Beatles. Touring was the band’s primary cash flow driver. Replacing Paul with an unproven lookalike threatened the financial stability of the entire operation.And Brian was already under immense financial strain. His gambling habit had created significant debts. His overhead was enormous. His anxiety was mounting.If Paul died, Brian’s financial world might collapse.On the Mon Lei, Brian was not just protecting Paul. He was protecting his own livelihood. His company. His future.

Brian’s Defiance Forced the Agency to Escalate. The Mon Lei trip in New York City, on August 22 or 23, 1966, was an active assassination script. Paul was isolated. William was present. Brian intervened. The switch failed. Several days later, on August 25, the American government agency retaliated. They realized they could plan to all they wanted, but Brian was a human variable they could not control. So, they conscripted John “Dizz” Gillespie to steal Brian’s monogrammed briefcase from the Beverly Hills Hotel, after planting devastating—ruinous—photos and letters in it. If the items were leaked to the press, Brian wouldn’t just lose his career; he would face literal imprisonment under British law.

The blackmail broke Brian’s will; he had no choice but to cooperate. On August 29, the day of the Beatles’ final show of the tour, he would dress Paul like William. Then he would not interfere. In fact, he would stay behind from San Francisco altogether. I’m sure it would be hard to underestimate the mental anguish Brian suffered as the boys left for LAX—and his bewildered relief when Paul survived (by my count) three distinct assassination attempts that day.

The Aftermath

Immediate and Forever

Brian’s Breakdown, Paul’s Passing

In the weeks after the Beatles returned to England, the machinery that had held the band together through Manila, New York, and San Francisco finally buckled. The pressure that had been building around Brian Epstein—the clash with the Marcos regime, the failed Mon Lei operation, the Beverly Hills blackmail—finally took its toll.

Brian’s Collapse. It is a matter of historical record that Brian Epstein was admitted to the Priory clinic in London on September 26, 1966, for a severe barbiturate overdose. Brian’s overdose was not a random crisis. It was the breaking point of a man who had spent the summer fighting—and losing—a battle to protect the Beatles’ creative center. He had been blackmailed, cornered, and forced to comply with a transition he did not believe in.

At this time, the individual Beatles were scattered globally, with John filming in Spain, and George studying sitar in India. Newspapers at the time described the Beatles’ future as “uncertain,” “fractured,” and “in doubt.” Rumors circulated that the band was splitting up, or that Paul McCartney was quitting the music industry altogether. On October 3, Brian emerged from the clinic and held an emergency press conference. He fiercely denied that the Beatles were breaking up, that Paul was leaving the band, or that anything was wrong.

But the plot to murder and replace Paul McCartney was about to take a most unexpected turn.

Paul’s Death. Paul McCartney was not assassinated. But he did die. And he was replaced.In earlier posts, I made a case for when, how, and where Paul died: On the evening of October 9, 1966—John Lennon’s twenty‑sixth birthday—Paul McCartney suffered a fatal accident in his London home. He struck his head, lost consciousness, and drowned in his bathtub. It was sudden, silent, and private—except for the presence of his puppy, Knickers. There was no car crash or staged wreck, as is commonly postulated in the Paul Is Dead narrative. Just a tragic household misstep that ended the life of a twenty‑four‑year‑old man with so much music—and love—left in him.

Paul was buried on October 18, 1966, at 7 Cavendish Avenue, beneath the window of the bathroom where he died.

***

The rumors that Brian continued to deny throughout October 1966 were not random press speculation. They were the first tremors of a world sensing that something had changed. Something had broken. Something had ended.

Bringing William Onboard

In the weeks after Paul’s death, Brian Epstein faced the most delicate task of his career: preparing William to assume Paul McCartney’s identity in every facet of his life. The transition had already been set in motion during the summer’s assassination scenarios, but now the stakes were absolute. Paul was gone. The Beatles, if they were to continue, could continue only with William. And Brian, newly discharged from the Priory clinic, had to oversee the transformation personally.

The Transatlantic Briefing Trip. Shortly after Brian’s emergency press conference on October 3, he quietly crossed the Atlantic. Officially, Brian traveled to the United States to “manage business affairs for NEMS” and check on American promotion for his other acts, including Cyrkle. But Brian wasn’t talent‑spotting. He was briefing William, who was an American. And the only way to prepare him for Paul’s life—his voice, mannerisms, relationships, media obligations—was to meet face‑to‑face.

Photo 55
Photo 56

The Passport Photo Problems. The most striking artifact from this period is the passport‑like photo of William, hand‑dated “28 OCT 66” (photo 55) Nineteen days after Paul’s death, William was officially documented as Paul McCartney.The date is written in British format (day‑month‑year) not American. This is a crucial detail.The British notation strongly suggests that the person overseeing the paperwork was British.It points directly to Brian. The photo itself appears to be a recreation of Paul’s earlier passport photo from the 1950s (photo 56). The resemblance is intentional: mirroring Paul’s boyhood image created a false baseline of continuity, smoothing the transition between the two men’s facial structures.

But the differences remain:

  • The hair part: Paul’s hair naturally parts on the left. William’s hair naturally parts on the right. Even with styling, training, and effort, natural growth patterns persist. The directional part becomes an indelible physical marker—a subtle but permanent sign that a different man had stepped into the frame by late October.
  • The eyeglasses: William wears corrective glasses in the photo. Paul never did, at least in public. The glasses feel like a prop to obscure the differences while the new identity was being established. William would not wear glasses again during the Beatles years.
  • The mustache: Don’t get me started on the mustache. Could this look more like a disguise?

In the aftermath of Paul’s death, Brian’s movements were erratic, urgent. He had to stabilize the band’s public image, deny rumors, prepare William, oversee documentation, coordinate with the American agency, and return to London with the new “Paul McCartney.”

The Charity “Snub”

On October 21, 1966, the United Kingdom was struck by one of the worst civilian tragedies of the decade: the Aberfan mining disaster. A collapsing coal tip buried a primary school, killing 116 children and 28 adults. The nation entered a period of mourning so profound that public figures across Britain mobilized to support the families.

In early November, organizers planned a star‑studded charity television special to raise relief funds. They invited the Beatles—the most famous band in the world—to appear. Their presence would have electrified the broadcast and drawn millions of viewers. Brian Epstein declined the request.

The Curious Refusal. On November 5, Brian sent a telegram turning down the invitation. His letter read:

Sincere admiration for your efforts, but I know without consulting them, the boys would feel unable to make an appearance of this sort for too many reasons to enumerate.

Instead of performing, Brian pledged a donation: £200 from each Beatle, plus £200 from himself, totaling £1,000.

To the public, the refusal seemed cold, strange, and even callous. The Beatles had always supported charitable causes. Why would they decline a solemn national broadcast for grieving families—especially when other major artists (including the Rolling Stones) were expected to participate?

The Smoking Gun: Brian Was in America. Archival newsprints confirm that Brian sent the cable from the United States. He was not in London. He was not with the Beatles. He was not managing a routine business trip. He was across the Atlantic, in the same window when William was being briefed to assume Paul’s identity.

A live television appearance in early November would have required Paul McCartney to stand in front of cameras and perform Beatles classics with John, George, and Ringo. But Paul was dead, and William was not yet ready. A premature appearance would have blown the transition wide open. Brian’s refusal was not a snub. It was a necessity. He couldn’t risk unveiling the understudy on a live broadcast.

Why the Beatles Never Performed Live Onstage Again

In the wake of Paul’s death, the Beatles’ touring career ended—abruptly, permanently, and without public explanation. The official reasons offered over the years have been familiar: they couldn’t hear themselves play, security was impossible, the strain of travel was overwhelming, the crowds were too chaotic. These explanations have been repeated so often that they’ve become accepted history. But none of them explains the truth. The Beatles stopped touring because Paul McCartney was dead.

Why Not William? If Paul’s death had been acknowledged, the band would have stopped touring immediately—unless they chose to replace him with another bassist, a nearly impossible task given Paul’s charisma, musicianship, and centrality to the band’s sound. Even though Paul was replaced by William, the band stopped touring anyway. Not because William lacked talent, but because the difference would have been too glaring.

William was taller. Broader. He moved differently. He played differently. He carried himself differently. The indelible image of the four Beatles onstage—the silhouette that defined Beatlemania—would have looked wrong with William in Paul’s place. The illusion could survive interviews, photographs, videos, and controlled public appearances. It could not survive a live concert.

The Press Conferences That Prove It. Just one week before Candlestick Park, at the August 22 press conference at the Warwick hotel, the Beatles were asked whether they ever grew tired of the chaos of touring:

REPORTER: This question is addressed to all of you. Do any of you ever get tired of all this hocus-pocus, the press conferences, the screaming girls, the crowds, and decide that you would like to just sit back on your fat wallets and forget the whole thing?

PAUL: (laughs)

JOHN: Well, when we feel like that, we take a fat holiday on our fat wallets…

(laughter)

JOHN: …and then you get fed up with that and you feel like coming out and doing this.

There was no hint of retirement. No suggestion of stopping. No foreshadowing of an ending.

Photo 57

At the August 24 press conference in Los Angeles (photo 57), just five days before Candlestick, the Beatles entertained the possibility of touring again in 1967:

REPORTER: Do you think we’ll have another tour again next year?

JOHN: Ask Brian. Could be.

PAUL: Could be, Fred. Brian does all that.

If Paul McCartney had lived, the Beatles might have returned to the United States in 1967—their image evolving with the times, their sound expanding, their momentum continuing. The possibility was real. The desire was real. The future was open.

Is This Town Big Enough for Two Paul McCartneys?

“How dare he come to my Bowl.”

I laughed at my own outrage.

Eleven days ago, Sir Paul performed right here in Santa Barbara, California, where I live. The Santa Barbara Bowl is a stunning outdoor amphitheater with about 4,500 seats. I have seen some of my favorite artists at the Bowl, including Elvis Costello, Crowded House, and Duran Duran. Sir Paul’s engagement was a one-night affair, promoted less than two weeks ahead. I received the same email that lots of locals did: tickets were being distributed by lottery, resale was not allowed, and cell phones were forbidden in the performance area. I didn’t want to know any more.

I had a visceral need not to know.

In a sense, Sir Paul had been “dead to me” for years, due to my self-imposed blackout on Beatles-related news and social media. I established this boundary not in protest but to spare myself the pain of watching the world carry on as if Paul McCartney hadn’t died long ago. I have kept my distance, to protect my heart. Then the man who replaced me arrived in my own backyard.

This is the blog post I didn’t see coming, because I didn’t see Sir Paul coming to my little burg.

The Day of the Concert

While Santa Barbara qualifies, by population, as a medium-sized city, it can sure feel like a small town sometimes. On the afternoon of the concert, I had to go downtown for a routine eye exam. I hoped to get in and out without hearing anything about the show. The optometry office is located in a lively plaza called La Arcada. The late September day was lovely; people were eating outside, tourists were strolling and shopping, rock music was playing. The office door was propped open as I waited to be taken back and asked, “Better, worse, or about the same?” a dozen times.

Wouldn’t you know it: Two men standing outside the open door began talking loudly about the concert. After I heard “Paul McCartney” and “lottery,” I instinctively plugged my ears. The conversation lasted for about a minute. In the room with me was another patient, two chairs away; and two women who worked there. They must have thought I was absolutely mad, sitting there with my fingers in my ears!

From my house, I can often hear concerts being performed at the Santa Barbara Bowl. In such instances, the town’s acoustics, aided by atmospheric conditions, bring sound waves from the Bowl’s speakers to the hills above the coastline, three miles away. “Who’s at the Bowl?” is a fun game to play, but I probably would have died if “Can’t Buy Me Love” had wafted in through the open window. I was saved from this scenario by the fact that I am residing elsewhere at the moment.

For at least part of the time Sir Paul was onstage, I was dining at a restaurant less than a mile from the venue (and almost a direct shot). But all was quiet in the streets; I didn’t hear a single note.

Why I Didn’t Go

I didn’t even consider attending the concert, because I knew it would cause me emotional distress. The first time Sir Paul stood at the mic, fingers poised over his/my Höfner bass, and said something like, “Yah, we were in Paris, and we saw this guy in the corner wearing a black turtleneck and a black beret, and we thought we should write a French number” (i.e., “Michelle”), I would have screamed: “Liar!” And security would have escorted me from the venue.

Okay, not really. I would have managed my anguish as best I could—as I did on a similar occasion almost a year ago. Three days after I published my “coming out” post as the original Paul McCartney, I attended a Micky Dolenz concert with my sister. Growing up, we loved the Monkees. And let me tell you, Micky still has it! He’s a fantastic performer, with way more energy than folks half his age. However, I struggled through part of the show, as I recounted in my journal two days later.

Early on, Micky Dolenz told a story about having met Paul McCartney, in 1967; he went to Paul’s house, where he encountered Paul’s sheepdog. Of course, Micky was referring [unknowingly] to William (my replacement), to MY house, and to MY dog (Knickers).

In other words, a beloved figure from my childhood was telling a charming anecdote that erased me. Not maliciously, but casually. My documentation continued:

The next day, Micky went to EMI Studios, where the Beatles had just recorded my song “Good Morning Good Morning.” Micky and his band launched into it and played two more [post-Paul] Beatles songs. It was too much for me.

I was surrounded by joy, nostalgia, and celebration—people having fun, reliving their youth. But for me, those songs weren’t just cultural artifacts. They were stolen pages from my soul. Like a tuning fork, my body vibrated with the grief, injustice, and shock of being both seen and unseen. More recently, I recalled my inner experience that night:

When I heard where Micky’s story was going, I started to cry. Then I began hyperventilating and crying harder. These reactions continued throughout the segment devoted to the Beatles. It was like being a vampire and having holy water thrown on you. I felt like I had to get out of there. I kept looking behind me to see where the exits were, but they seemed so far away. There seemed to be so many people between where I was and where the exits were. I didn’t think I could make it, for some reason, and I didn’t want to disrupt others when they were having such a good time.

After the Beatles songs were over, I fully recovered and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the show. In fact, the next morning, I regaled my sister’s husband with (almost) all the highlights while he made us blueberry pancakes.

[Edit, October 10, 2025: Two nights ago, on October 8, 2025 (so, less than twenty-four hours after I published this post), I went to a Colin Hay concert here in Santa Barbara. This is the third time I’ve seen the Men at Work front man perform at the historic Lobero Theatre. Between songs, Colin tells a good story, and he has lots of them. I knew he might mention Ringo, since they tour together. And he did mention Ringo. But I wasn’t prepared for a ten-minute story, early on, about “Paul McCartney”—whom Colin referred to mostly as “McCartney.” For everyone in the theater except me, it was an amusing tale about how, many decades ago, Sir Paul attended several of Colin Hay’s performances, invited himself over to Colin’s house for dinner, and washed the dishes after.

Colin’s story about “McCartney” seemed to go on and on (for me), and each word stung. I overcame the temptation to escape to the lobby; I didn’t want to distract my companions. After the anecdote was over, and Colin started playing a song (a favorite of “McCartney’s”), I pretty much shut down inside, trying to process the venom that seemed to be coursing through my veins. I attempted to make a comeback; but mostly, I just prayed for the (two-hour) concert to be over, so I could go home and be by myself for a few minutes.]

I didn’t attend Sir Paul’s recent concert, for reasons that by now should be obvious. I feel a pang of regret, even though I was present at every Beatles performance in history, from Hamburg to the Cavern Club to Candlestick Park (with the exception of the “rooftop concert,” in 1969). I feel as if I’ve somehow missed an opportunity—for what, I don’t know. But I haven’t missed Sir Paul—not really. In the last few years, he has appeared in my dreams with startling regularity. While fans have gathered at stadiums to hear him sing, I have been meeting him in the quiet hours, in scenes ranging from tumultuous to serene.

In the context of his show at the Bowl—so close, so charged—the moment seems perfect to revisit and reflect upon my dreams with Sir Paul and some of his family members.

Dreams with Sir Paul

From my journal, I have culled twenty-one entries involving dreams with Sir Paul, or William. (William Shepherd is the name he claims in his memoirs.) When considered chronologically, these dreams trace an arc that mirrors my own emotional journey—from confrontational to more reflective. There have been moments of animosity, recognition, reconciliation—even joy. Through it all, William has remained a central figure—sometimes elusive, sometimes accessible. My dreams with him have formed a kind of mythic diary, written in the language of the subconscious.

2021: The Reckoning Begins

In 2021, I started recording my dreams regularly. The ones involving William were raw and direct. My subconscious didn’t tiptoe around the facts. It confronted William head-on—naming what was taken, what was lost, and what still burned. These early dreams weren’t gentle; they carried the energy of anger and disbelief.

January 30, 2021: The Rebuking

I described this dream in my journal almost five years ago. When I reread it in preparing this post, I was astonished by how coherently I spoke my truth. While dreams can be surreal and symbolic, this one was quite literal—and confrontational in a way I very rarely (if ever) am in waking life.

Weirdly (or not), this morning, William was in my dream. I entered a room, and he was sitting, alone, behind a round table. (There were a few others in the room, to my right.) When I noticed him, I said, “Oh, look! It’s Paul McCartney. Or should I say, William Shepherd?” I spat out the name like a curse word. Then he was standing across from me, and I told him, “I’ve been writing songs again—and they’re good!” I began to list all the things he took from me, as Paul—my girlfriend, my house, my money. “I don’t care about the money,” I added.

He came closer, as if he were about to pass me on his way out of the room. I looked up at him, and he was quite a bit taller (which makes sense, since I’m five-foot-four, and he’s something like six-foot-three). He was young, about the age when he started with the Beatles. He seemed, I don’t know, defenseless. That’s the word that comes to mind when I picture his face again. I dreamt about William last week, as well. He warned of the danger I would be in if I tried to reveal the truth, similar to the peril he faced in publishing his fiction-mixed-with-fact memoir.

As my dream shows, on a subconscious level, I continue to bear a certain amount of hostility toward William. (I can verify this hostility sometimes shows itself in my conscious life, as well.) In the late 1700s, William and I became half-sisters.

That last sentence is a bit of a non sequitur. I suppose I was reminding myself that although I said goodbye when he said hello in the Beatles lifetime, William and I had known each other before—and cared about each other as family.

March 14, 2021: The Classroom Confession

I reconstructed this dream from notes jotted down at the time. The emotional tone was one of angst and frustration, arising from an attempt to be seen, believed, and remembered.

In this dream, I found myself in a classroom where Linda McCartney was the teacher. Sir Paul entered; there was a buzz of excitement. I turned to the girl sitting in front of me, who resembled a friend of mine from junior high, and said, “I was the original Paul McCartney. This guy replaced me, because I died in 1966.” She seemed a bit incredulous, but I told her I would prove it to her. I said I wanted a picture of William, and others seemed to have the same idea; I saw a male holding up his phone. The girl encouraged me to take the photo, but when I tried, I couldn’t quite find him in the room again, with people now milling about.

2022: Echoes and Retrieval

In 2022, my dreams with William grew more layered. The tone shifted from confrontation to curiosity. I recovered a melody, a fragment of memory. Some dreams felt like surveillance. Others felt like soul encounters. There was still resistance but also a bending toward something deeper.

March 31, 2022: Table for Two

The juxtaposition of young Paul and older William in a dream that occurred on my birthday felt somehow symbolic.

So, [I’m] walking through a restaurant. It feels light, even white, a rather large, open room filled with tables, and people eating at them. To my left was a wall of windows—not floor-to-ceiling, but large, from about the waist up. Through the windows, I saw Paul McCartney walk by; there was patio seating along the windows. Paul looked quite cute. He was wearing a powder blue suit; his hair was dark. I would say he looked like 1965 or 1966 Paul.

So, Paul walks by the windows. I think he sits down at a table. But then I clearly see my replacement, William Shepherd, seated at a table for two. The table is round, I think, and he is facing someone, though I don’t notice who that is. My gaze lingers on William; he is older, like his age now (85). I am sure it’s him.

June 9, 2022: The Compound

This dream felt like a visit to a theme park or estate centered on William. I pieced together the following description from notes I made after waking up.

William appeared in a deep blue button-down shirt, looking quite old. He was with a group, possibly including his daughter, at what felt like his home—or a compound dedicated to him. I made eye contact with him from a distance as I walked by. He followed me briefly, watched me, and then disappeared. Later, I was in a house with a few people. William stepped out, and I went to use the bathroom while he was gone. I realized he’d return, not see me, and wonder where I was. One of my dogs was behind the bathroom door. I didn’t end up using the bathroom, since it didn’t feel private.

August 21, 2022: Dream Melody

This morning, in a dream, I received a snatch of [a] melody…

I woke up in the dream and had trouble telling what time it was; I couldn’t read any clocks correctly. I felt like I had overslept. I noticed my door was ajar, which perturbed me. I went out and realized I was in my parents’ old house, but a bigger, mansion-sized version of it. From upstairs, I could see that the enormous living room was vacant, as if [my parents] were about to move out. The house was teeming with people, going in and out of the rooms…

Then I heard a song playing. I imagined the sound to be coming from a vinyl record on a turntable, sitting atop a small, square-topped table in the hall; for some reason, this vision is associated with the color mint green. The tune caught my attention but as quickly lost it, when I realized the singer was Sir Paul McCartney, or William Shepherd—my replacement as Paul McCartney. I grumbled, “I’m not going to listen to this!” and started to walk away. Then I woke up.

As I lay in bed, really awake this time, I could hear the song in my head. I couldn’t make out [most of] the words, but the melody was still with me. I picked up my phone from the table next to me. My eyes still not quite working, I pulled up my piano app and tried to find the notes that matched the melody in my head. When I thought I had at least come close, I recorded the melody—just 26 notes, maybe enough for a chorus.

I named the file “dream melody, log jam”; I believe the lyrics, sung by Sir Paul in the dream, had included the phrase “log jam.” It’s not the smoothest rendition of a melody anyone has ever heard but would have sufficed if I had chosen to expand it into a song.

Dream melody, log jam

September 25, 2022: Your Fate

The dream described here felt like a moment of reckoning—not angry, but inevitable.

I forgot to mention yesterday that I had a dream yesterday morning in which I was face-to-face with Linda McCartney and William. It was just their faces, which were next to each other, close together, as if framed in a picture, with Linda on the left and William on the right. They looked young. I spoke to the faces and said something like, “Your fate has caught up with you” or “Your fate is here.” I was referring to myself. I was the fate that had caught up with them, that was here.

December 6, 2022: The Embroidered Shirt

I want to preface the following account with a reminder that, in a dream, you can take the perspective of any figure.

Speaking of dreams, when [I] woke…up this morning, I was dreaming about myself—as Paul McCartney. It was like we were on a date. He was on my right and had his arm around my waist. In retrospect, I personally had a “Jane” feeling, which probably makes sense, because last night, I recorded the vocals for my Christmas song for her. Paul was wearing a jacket over a very interesting shirt. The shirt had small caricatures embroidered on it. The caricature in the middle showed William and Linda and some others. I touched it with my finger. I was confused how Paul could know about the man who replaced him, like the time sequencing was paradoxical. Before I could say anything, I woke up.

2023: Recognition and Reflection

This year marked a turning point. My dreams with William became more frequent, more nuanced. He was no longer just a symbol of loss; he was a person I could engage with. There were moments of tenderness and humor. I began to see him not only as my replacement but as someone carrying his own burdens.

January 29, 2023: The Casino

This morning, a little before 5:00 a.m., I had a dream with William in it. I seemed to be on the floor of a casino. There was a second level that was open to the floor. First, I saw several huge, poster-like black-and-white images of George Harrison lining the second level. Then, to the right, I saw a guitarist with long, frizzy dark hair who struck me as resembling David Crosby. He was standing in front of a microphone. Then, Linda McCartney appeared, and I feel like she pulled William forward—not literally, but maybe with body language. I don’t remember seeing William, but I knew he was there. I don’t remember hearing any music.

William was present but unseen—maybe hesitant to come forward?

February 21, 2023: Moment at the Museum

Okay, so it’s the day of William’s “release” from playing the role of Paul McCartney [as he stated in an earlier edition of THE MEMOIRS OF BILLY SHEARS].

After I fed the dogs this morning, around 6:30, I got back into bed… [After a little while,] I fell asleep. I had a dream, either then—or earlier, before I fed the dogs. I just can’t place the timing. But in the dream, I was standing in front of a painting at a museum, or something that was on display. Then an older gentleman was next to me. I turned my head to face him, and we kissed for a few seconds. Then I woke up.

Upon waking reflection, I thought the older gentleman might have been William—given the significance of the day. But I wasn’t sure. I didn’t have a clear memory of his face. I suspect that February 21 is William’s birthday. I have no “proof” of this other than his selection of this date, in 2023, as the end of his tenure as “Paul McCartney”—a fitting day to be “reborn” as his former, original self. Clearly, that hasn’t happened yet.

April 5, 2023: The Sectional Couch

This dream seemed to suggest at least a temporary softening—an openness to seeing William not as a threat but as a person.

At 1:00 a.m., I woke up from a dream. Just before I woke up, in the dream, I was in a room with multiple people. A woman was talking to me. I think she was off to my right; I couldn’t see her. Ahead of me about twenty feet was a light-colored sectional couch. On the couch sat William—young, around the time he replaced me. He was sitting next to a very small boy. I have the sense that he was looking at me with a pleasant expression on his face. It was a cute sight, and I smiled. I apologized to the woman who was talking to me, because I had been distracted by seeing William and the boy.

May 12, 2023: The Book of Paul

I had a dream with William this morning [around 9:30 or 9:45]. In the dream, I was sitting at a table, next to my husband, who was on my right. William was at the front of the room, presenting a book. As he spoke, I made snide comments to my husband, suggesting that William didn’t really write the book. I also had a book in front of me. It was a larger-format hardbound book. I had written things inside the front cover, which was off-white. William came up and asked, “What are you writing there?” Surprised, I said, “You write all the books.” He seemed a little taken aback. I showed him where I had written “Paul” around the middle of the page. Below “Paul” were two handwritten lines, beneath which I drew the copyediting symbol for “bold” (a wavy line). Then I woke up.

I checked Sir Paul’s social media accounts and saw the posts about the book, which had been made two hours earlier.

I had described these posts in my journal prior to documenting the dream:

This morning, I was dismayed to find a series of posts on Twitter (and stories on Instagram) showing the book of my photographs…on display in the windows of bookstores in the six cities where the photographs were taken.

To clarify further, the original Paul McCartney had taken a bunch of photos between December 1963 and February 1964, capturing the early days of Beatlemania. Almost six decades later, Paul’s replacement came forward with the photos. The images were collected in a book, 1964: Eyes of the Storm, which accompanied an exhibition of the photos at the National Portrait Gallery in London. The exhibition ran from June 28 to October 1, 2023.

July 7, 2023: The Distant Star

This journal entry suggests how regularly Sir Paul was appearing in my dreams yet how out of reach he still seemed to be at times.

Not much to report so far today except that Sir Paul made several appearances in my dreams last night, always at a distance. He felt famous and unapproachable.

September 24, 2023: The Sidebar Apology

In the middle of a dream, I saw a photo of Sir Paul—as if I were looking at a story on a website. The photo appeared in a column down the right side of the screen. I thought, “That guy is still making money from my songs!” I harumphed about it for a moment; then I apologized to William in my mind.

Was this a moment of emotional maturity?

November 3, 2023: Shrilly Love Songs

I had a dream in what I would describe as a hotel suite. In the living area, there was a mat; when I shook the mat, bugs crawled out, spreading over the carpet. Then I was getting ready in a large bathroom—very long, with multiple sinks and mirrors. There were other women primping, too. I was at the far left, closest to the entrance to the bathroom. Suddenly, a song began to play, emanating from deeper in the bathroom. It was “Silly Love Songs”—a Wings song that William stole from me. Instantly enraged, I yelled “God dammit” in the direction of the song. Then I woke up.

I think this dream reflects how reminders of a painful past continue to pop up in my life, as much as I try to avoid them. Could the bugs crawling out from under the mat symbolize the Beatles?

December 30, 2023: The Pepper-Upper

In this dream, I’m not sure why William is wearing John’s color on the Sgt. Pepper album cover…

In a dream that started after 6:00 a.m., I was at a table in a casual restaurant with a few others. I was drinking a pink drink in a highball glass. An attractive man at the table (on the other side, diagonal from me) asked to taste my drink. When he returned the glass to me, I took a sip. But it was like there were holes in the straw, and I didn’t get any of the beverage. I asked the man, “Is this still your straw? It’s not gross, but it doesn’t work.” I gave it back to him. I found another straw on the table, wrapped in paper…

Here is where the dream turned magical. William (a.k.a. Sir Paul) was sitting on the outside of the table, or at an extension of the table. He was wearing a Sergeant Pepper–era outfit, in yellow or gold. He was young—probably thirty. When my eyes landed on him, I joked, “Hey—you look like Ringo Starr!” His visage remained stoic. Did he get the joke? Immediately, I realized I was dreaming. I said, “Oh no! This is a dream. It’s about to be over, and I was having so much fun.” I got up and walked over to William, to sit on his lap—like a child would sit on a father’s lap. I think he might have let me, but I woke up. It was around 6:45 a.m.

2024: Embodiment and Integration

In 2024, the dreams became intimate, surreal, and emotionally rich. There were moments of playfulness and quiet companionship. I saw William in multiple ages, moods, and roles. This was the year of reconciliation. Somewhere in the dream space, we met not as rivals, but as souls.

April 13, 2024: Then I Woke Up

The only dream I remember from my last sleep cycle occurred very early in the morning; I woke up from it a little before 12:30 a.m. In the dream, I was in a room. Sir Paul came up behind me; he seemed very tall. How should I say this? He started…as if…seemed to be. I said, “Are you sure you’re not the drummer?” I suppose this was a reference… Then I woke up.

August 11, 2024: The Hill of Sand

I stitched together the following description from notes I made immediately after having the dream.

I dreamt that I was walking along the base of an enormous hill of sand. I could hear the Beatles’ “She’s a Woman” [with lead vocals by the original Paul McCartney]. I started mouthing the words like I was in a music video—until I worried that I looked silly. At times, I was on the hill of sand, running my hand along the surface—making the grains on top fly up, as if carried by the wind. But walking along the base of the hill of sand, I had the sense that Sir Paul was nearby. Then I saw him! I think I was very excited.

Sir Paul looked relatively young, say, in his 40s or 50s. He stopped me and took my hand, or maybe both of my hands, and turned me back in the direction from which I had come. He also seemed excited. We stopped after just a few yards, where several people were gathered by the hill of sand. He urged me to “tell her,” referring to a blonde woman—as if I had a funny story to share about a coincidence or something. Then I woke up; it was around 7:30 a.m. Reflecting on the dream, I felt happy.

September 12, 2024: A Knowing Smile

This dream suggests mutual understanding or acknowledgment, perhaps even peace.

As I was getting dressed to take the dogs out, I remembered that I had seen William in a dream! We were at a small table, with one other person, I think. William was sitting diagonal from me, against a wall. He looked somewhere between thirty-five and forty-five. I think we just smiled at each other knowingly a few times.

October 28, 2024: Questions of Identity

This dream feels like a moment of existential reflection—for both of us.

I had a dream this morning with William. In the dream, William was lamenting: “What will I do now?” I asked someone who was closer to me if I seemed to have any characteristics of the original Paul.

William’s question is vulnerable; mine is searching. Interestingly, this dream occurred just three weeks after I published my “coming out” post as the original Paul McCartney (on October 9), and ten days after I revealed where Paul is buried (on October 18).

October 29, 2024: The Video Room

The following day, I dreamt of William again.

Weirdly, this morning, I had another dream with William in it. What’s going on? In this morning’s dream, I was with a group of people—possibly led by Larry David, or another older gentleman. We walked into a room filled with chairs and couches. I sat down on an upholstered chair, which I decided could be shared. A woman sat down on the other half. I struggled to keep to my half; I said my bottom was too big! The room filled up.

At the front of the room, a video started. After a while, the video showed clips of Sir Paul, performing. Uncomfortable, I shielded my eyes. Then I saw William in the room! He was sitting on a nearby couch; I was seeing him in about three-quarter profile. He looked like he was along in years, around seventy-five or eighty. He seemed to be watching the video. Then he was standing toward the middle of the room, where he looked younger and a bit shorter than expected; his hair was darker.

This dream shows my discomfort with the public narrative, as well as a shifting perception of William. At the end, he becomes younger, a bit shorter, with darker hair. Does this transition represent some kind of shift back to his predecessor?

November 30, 2024: The Hallway

This is the most recent dream with William that I found in my journal. It’s a look into the past, perhaps.

I was in a white or off-white hallway. I saw William, quite young—probably in his twenties or early thirties. He was in a room on the left side of the hallway. I think I saw him first in the hallway and then in the room. There were other people around; William seemed engaged in some kind of activity or effort.

Dreams with Mary and Stella McCartney

I have had two dreams involving Sir Paul’s daughters Mary and Stella; the first dream was rather extraordinary, the second more mundane.

March 9, 2023: A Slap in the Face

I woke up about an hour ago from a somewhat distressing dream. Recalling it made my heart race; my heart rate has since slowed a bit… I find myself wide awake, yet again, in the middle of the night.

So, what was this dream? Basically, I was being slapped by three people: two women and one man. That’s right, they all took turns slapping me… The main slapper reminded me of [a] childhood friend…, with her short dark hair and rather severe, standoffish manner. I don’t have a clear impression of the other woman, but she seemed looser and more playful (while still getting her slaps in). I looked directly into the face of the man, who seemed British; I told him he should “do Shakespeare.”

The dark-haired, standoffish woman seemed the most critical of me, as she flipped through a magazine. At one point, the man asked if he could slap me, too, so it must have been just the women who were slapping me at first. I presented my face to him, and he slapped me with his fingers together, quite close to my skin; it didn’t hurt very much. That was the only slap I remember specifically. Otherwise, I just recall the feeling of being slapped. Near the end, as the four of us sat around a table, I returned to an earlier point of contention and tried to clarify it; the dark-haired woman dismissed me.

I awoke with a start. It was sometime between 1:30 and 2:00 a.m. I thought the dream had been a strange one… I found myself preoccupied with the slapping dream, [until it occurred to me…] that I had been in a dream with Mary and Stella McCartney.

Mary had been the dark-haired, standoffish woman, and Stella had been the other, looser one. The man had [presumably] been an invention of the dreamer. I don’t know whose dream it was—Mary’s, Stella’s, or mine. I would suspect it was Mary’s dream, since she had a prop (the magazine)… I do want to note that I believe I handled the slapping quite good-naturedly, or as good-naturedly as could possibly be expected.

The next day, I reported in my journal:

It took me about a day, but I figured out why Mary slapped me and was generally hostile toward me in that dream early yesterday morning. When I was Anne Hathaway, the wife of William Shakespeare, I had an affair…with the “Dark Lady” of [the] sonnets.

When William [Shakespeare] discovered the affair, he…issued an ultimatum. I chose to stay in my marriage. In revenge, the Dark Lady sought out William in London, to seduce him. She was unsuccessful. (She didn’t know he preferred the physical company of men.) This incident is chronicled in Sonnet 144 (“Two loves I have of comfort and despair”).

Clearly, Mary is still angry with me [on a subconscious level] for breaking up with her—and for memorializing her in unflattering terms, especially in Sonnet 130 (“My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun”). So, now I am writing a new sonnet, to say I’m sorry. The sonnet’s working title is “Apology to the Dark Lady.”

July 22, 2023: The Sister’s Address

My second dream related to Mary and Stella is curious from a metaphysical standpoint. I hardly know what to make of it.

I had some interesting McCartney-related dreams this morning… In the first dream, I was walking the dogs…in Encino [a suburb of Los Angeles, where I lived in my youth]. A woman was walking a big dog toward us, so we moved to the other side of the street. The woman followed us, so we moved back to the original side of the street. I felt like we needed to go one street over to the right, so we did. I could then see a large cross street at the end of the block. I interpreted the street as Ventura Boulevard—we were in the right place.

I said to the dogs, “Now I just need to find my sister’s address.” I entered “Mary McCartney” into my phone. That was the end of the sequence. I wondered later if I had somehow piggybacked onto Stella’s dream, viewing it from her perspective…or if I had projected myself into Stella’s consciousness, and she was awake at the time.

Dreams with James McCartney

I believe I have had two dreams with Sir Paul’s son, James—the first more elaborate, the second more succinct.

July 6, 2023: The Carriage Conversation

This dream felt like an instance of emotional candor, an opening of truth between two souls.

I woke up from one noteworthy dream around 4:15 a.m. In the dream, I was talking to someone—a male, I believe. Sir Paul had done some sort of video message for him. I saw Sir Paul in various clips, like video clips. I got the feeling this person knew that Sir Paul was a replacement. He seemed to express some distress that Paul McCartney was a womanizer—as if Sir Paul would have cheated on Linda. I said, “Well, there were two.” I suppose I was suggesting that the first Paul McCartney might have been a womanizer (and I resent the suggestion), but the second might not [have been]. The man seemed to acknowledge that he knew there were two Paul McCartneys. I got a little excited that I could finally be candid with someone. I said something like, “I have a lot of information that I could share, but something I can tell you is that he’s 85, not 80.” (But I was off by a year: the ages would have been 86 and 81.)

If I had to provide a setting for the dream, I would say the man and I were seated next to each other (I on his left) in some sort of open-air vehicle, like a carriage, moving through or toward a wooded park.

After the conversation, we found ourselves in the back seat of a car, with three men in the seat in front of us—which was not the front seat. We were all being transported someplace, as if it was a taxi or a shuttle. One of the men in the seat in front of us questioned what we were talking about. I said it was just a hypothetical conversation and quickly changed the subject by asking him what he did. He said “nothing,” as if he was retired, but then he suggested that he might not be able to resist working again. The man in the middle of the seat in front of us complimented my acting skills; I was flattered and said something like, “Aren’t you the nice one?” I think I woke up around then. [For the record, I don’t act.]

My top candidate for the man in the dream is James McCartney. [If this is the case,] James felt like a very gentle soul to me, and I think he needs some comforting right now.

August 19, 2023: The Little Spoon

This dream carried the energy of comfort, trust, and quiet companionship. It wasn’t romantic; it was restorative.

I had another dream with James McCartney. (I had an earlier one roughly a month ago.) In my recent dream, James McCartney and I were on my living room couch. We held hands briefly and then “spooned” in my bed. (I was the little spoon.) I wish I had told him, in either of the dreams, what a wonderful guitarist he is. But I don’t think I knew who he was during the dreams—just after I woke up.

A Dream with Nancy Shevell

On July 8, 2023, I wrote in my journal:

I had dreams with my replacement; his son, James; and his wife, Nancy, consecutively, over the last three nights.

The dream with Nancy had been first, on July 5; I took a carriage ride with James on July 6; and William appeared in several dreams on July 7.

July 5, 2023: In the Kitchen

When I woke up at 2:30 a.m., I had been dreaming about Nancy. She looked very pretty. I think she was in a house, maybe in a kitchen. I was observing her, and somehow I equated what she was saying to be coming from a book—one with very shallow pages, so only a few lines would appear on a page. I had the thought that Nancy’s voice was soft, like Mary’s, but with an American accent… I don’t remember what she (or I) said, unfortunately. She presented herself very nicely, while I feel like I was an ogre in the shadows.

This dream with Nancy was quiet, atmospheric. Did the “shallow pages” suggest she was being emotionally guarded? I seemed to be witnessing grace from a place of exile.

A Dream with Billy Idol

You might wonder why I would include a dream with the musician Billy Idol in this post, but during the 1980s, Heather McCartney (daughter of Linda Eastman when she married Sir Paul) dated Billy Idol. So, the dream seems peripherally related. Billy Idol was photographed with Sir Paul as recently as 2014, after the Oscars that year. They looked quite chummy.

April 26, 2023: A Rocking Cameo

I am still making refinements to my sonnet about meeting the Dark Lady, but that is hardly the news of the day. I had a dream this morning with Billy Idol…

In the dream, I was outside, sitting on the ground next to Billy Idol. We seemed to be at a music festival or performance. Billy was probably about his age now, but I recognized him without any doubt. His voice is very distinctive. I didn’t feel like we were alone, but there weren’t a lot of other people around; attendance was sparse, I suppose. As we sat and chatted, I saw [an acquaintance] standing, facing us, in a group about fifteen feet away. I feel like [the members of the group] were wearing white robes or gowns. When [the acquaintance] saw me, his eyes went very wide. I’m not sure if he was surprised to see me, Billy Idol, or me WITH Billy Idol…

I believe [my acquaintance] was part of the performance. I saw him on or near the stage, in a supporting, maybe behind-the-scenes role. He seemed to be carrying a big, oblong basket containing white towels.

Billy and I chatted for quite a while. He seemed cool, and I felt comfortable. At one point, he kissed me… [Then] Billy got up, about to leave. I asked him something like, “Do you want to pay your respects to the performer?” He declined, suggesting that it was kinder to pretend he hadn’t seen the performance at all. He left, and I sat down next to someone else. I tried to convey Billy’s response to my question, which I had found hilarious. I even tried to imitate Billy’s distinctive voice.

The 1980s were my formative era for music, so “meeting” Billy Idol was a thrill.

A Final Word

When Sir Paul came to town, I didn’t go see him. But I’ve been party to a different kind of performance—one staged in the subconscious, lit by memory and myth. In dreaming, I have met William, Mary, Stella, James, and Nancy. Each encounter has carried its own emotional charge, its own symbolic weight.

These dreams aren’t just stories. They’re soul messages. They have reminded me that truth doesn’t always arrive in daylight. Sometimes, it walks in dreams.

Paul’s Big Day in the Studio

Sixty years ago today, on June 14, 1965, the Beatles were gathered at EMI Studios, in London. Twenty-two-year-old Paul McCartney had three songs to get off his chest—one penned many years earlier, and two inspired by recent events. First up was the country-pop ditty “I’ve Just Seen a Face.” Next, the group laid down the screaming rocker “I’m Down.” Finally, Paul nailed the acoustic ballad “Yesterday” on the second take (with chamber music added later).

The three compositions recorded by the Beatles that late spring day exemplify Paul McCartney’s versatility as a songwriter. As I pondered this six-hour cross-genre musical display, I hit upon an idea—part-challenge, part-experiment, and all-madness. For the sixtieth anniversary of “Paul’s big day in the studio,” I would attempt to replicate the three songs myself—delivering all the vocals and playing all the instruments, using the (comparatively meager) tools and abilities at my disposal.

I could spend the rest of this post cataloguing the failings of my efforts. But surely, they will speak for themselves.

I’ve Just Seen a Face

Recorded first during the Beatles’ afternoon session on June 14, 1965

“I’ve Just Seen a Face” had been in Paul McCartney’s repertoire since the late 1950s. I am 96 percent certain that Paul wrote “I’ve Just Seen a Face” about falling in love, at first sight, with a beautiful young man named Stuart Sutcliffe. (Paul hints at the song’s male subject in the playful line, “Other girls were never quite like this.”) Here is a possible timeline for how Paul became acquainted with Stu:

July 6, 1957: Paul McCartney (famously) meets John Lennon at the annual garden fete (party) of St. Peter’s Church, in Liverpool

Fall 1957: John meets Stuart Sutcliffe, at Liverpool College of Art

Slightly later in fall 1957: John introduces Paul to his new friend Stu

At the time they met, Stu was two years older than Paul, having turned seventeen over the summer. Can you guess where I’m going with this? I am 92 percent sure that Paul wrote at least one other (better known) song about first glimpsing Stu: “I Saw Her Standing There.” Indeed, Stu was “just seventeen,” and the way he looked was “way beyond compare.” Stu would eventually become the Beatles’ first bassist.

When John found out about Paul’s relationship with Stu, he told Paul to knock it off. But he caught Paul “talking to that boy again” and reminded him, “You can’t do that.” Paul turned John’s admonition into a song that played well live, earning a spot in the typical setlist for the Beatles’ 1964 world tour.

When “I’ve Just Seen A Face” was released in August 1965, on the album Help!, Stuart Sutcliffe had been dead for over three years.

I’ve Just Seen a Face

I’m Down

Recorded second during the Beatles’ afternoon session on June 14, 1965

Paul McCartney brought “I’m Down” into the studio three days after returning from a two-week trip with his girlfriend, Jane Asher. I believe the couple had intended to wed while in Portugal—a plan foiled by an ultimatum from John Lennon.

John had threatened Paul that if he married Jane, the Beatles would be over. And Paul’s relationship with John would be over. Paul and Jane chose to keep the Beatles together rather than wed, as “I’m Down” corroborates: “Man buys ring, woman throws it away.” Jane didn’t really throw the ring away. But Paul was truly “down,” despite the song’s upbeat energy. John apparently delighted in his control over Paul, laughing as Paul suffered; the song’s chorus asks, “How can you laugh when you know I’m down?”

“I’m Down” was released in July 1965, as the B-side of the non-album single “Help!” My recording starts with words spoken by Paul, in an exaggerated American accent, prior to the first take.

I’m Down

Yesterday

Recorded during the Beatles’ evening session on June 14, 1965

“Yesterday” is one of the most covered songs in the history of recorded music, and I consider Paul’s replacement’s performances of it to be covers. Years ago, I was equal parts amused and outraged by a video in which Paul’s replacement cited “Yesterday” as the best song he had [n]ever written.

Paul’s lyrics for “Yesterday” had the same origin as those for “I’m Down”: John Lennon’s ultimatum. Again, Paul could marry Jane Asher, or the Beatles could continue to exist—but not both. In an earlier post, I theorized, at length, about this “shadow hanging over” Paul. Undoubtedly, John felt relieved—perhaps even triumphant—when Paul and Jane returned from their elopement unhitched. Three days later, Paul showed up at the studio with the lyrics to “Yesterday.” The melody had come to him some time earlier; in fact, he had played it so incessantly while the Beatles were filming Help! that the director threatened to remove the piano from the set.

The photo accompanying this post represents my conception of how the studio looked when Paul debuted his full version of “Yesterday.” I think my AI prompt says it all:

I would like to create a color image that brings to life my vision of what it was like in studio 2 at Abbey Road Studios when the Beatles were recording “Yesterday,” on June 14, 1965. The focus is on 22-year-old Paul McCartney; a soft glow highlights his concentration. He is sitting on a stool, with one leg crossed over the other, as he plays a relatively large, light golden brown acoustic guitar and sings into a microphone on a stand. It’s important that Paul, a famous left-handed guitarist, is playing left-handed; that is to say, he is strumming with his left hand and fingering the frets with his right hand. Paul is wearing a pale blue long-sleeved button-down shirt.

In the background, 23-year-old Ringo Starr is sitting behind a drum kit; he is wearing a white pullover sweater and has a youthful, fresh-faced appearance, just as he looked in 1965. Elsewhere in the room, 21-year-old George Harrison is sitting on the floor cross-legged, with a thoughtful look on his face; an electric guitar is lying on the floor nearby. Also in the room, 23-year-old John Lennon is sitting on a chair, his face buried in his hands; he is trying to control his strong emotions, as he recognizes that Paul’s song is about him. Because “Yesterday” is a solo effort by Paul, there is the sense that Ringo, George, and John are essentially audience members, as they listen to Paul and contemplate the meaning of his melancholy song.

(Note that Ringo, George, and John were actually a year older at the time; I cheated their ages down to try to avoid facial hair in the generated image. Also, I provided the name “Abbey Road Studios” because it is more familiar than the venue’s earlier name, “EMI Studios.” I tried to get AI to position the pick guard on Paul’s guitar above the sound hole, as Paul had flipped around and restrung a right-handed guitar; but that was too much to ask.)

If you think it’s wild speculation that Paul McCartney wrote “Yesterday” about John Lennon, I direct you to a video of the Beatles’ performance of the song in Munich, Germany, on June 24, 1966. I am not especially fond of this electric, all-band rendition, which is in the key of G instead of the original F (requiring Paul to strain a bit for some of the notes). John appears quite emotional as Paul croons the second instance of the bridge, starting at 1:33: “Why she had to go / I don’t know, she wouldn’t say…” As the camera zooms in, John looks at Paul and bites his lip, seeming to hold back tears; then he glances away, possibly to defuse his feelings. To me, this is the visage of a man who knows he has screwed up royally. Roughly six months earlier, John had beaten Paul up and broken his tooth; and roughly six months before that, he had issued the ultimatum that prompted Paul to write the lyrics to “Yesterday.”

Yesterday

CREDITS: Each patterned background in the video for “I’m Down” is credited as follows: “Image by freepik.” Mike McCartney took the photo of Paul McCartney that opens the video for “I’m Down.”

Comfort Cold

William Shakespeare (1564–1616) was barely literate, but he could not have died more poetically: on the same day and month he was born, April 23. Today would have been his 461st birthday (if people lived for centuries), as we commemorate the 409th anniversary of his death.

I’m not ready to lay out a case for who wrote the works attributed to William Shakespeare, because I don’t think the world is ready to entertain the idea that the individual widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language (according to Wikipedia, anyway) was a woman—let alone one who grew up on a farm, in a rigidly patriarchal society that didn’t educate girls.

This is a woman whom scholars claim to know very little about, outside public records. They dismiss her as a footnote in the life of a literary genius—not realizing it was she who wrote the plays and poems they study, teach, and publish criticism on.

No, the time just doesn’t feel right—though perhaps it is ripe. We probably need this information now, if only to expand our thinking a bit—to encompass the fact that the configuration of sex organs within the human body has no bearing on the soul’s depth to feel or on the mind’s capacity to learn, imagine, or create. Ultimately, the sex of the person who wrote Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, and A Midsummer Night’s Dream shouldn’t matter—which, perhaps, is all the meaning in answering the authorship question once and for all.

Today, I am sharing a sonnet that might have been penned by Anne Hathaway, William Shakespeare’s wife of thirty-three years, upon the death of her husband. It follows the sonnet form that was popularized, though not invented, by the writer of Shakespeare’s works—but I have leveled up the difficulty a bit. (I’m a bookish kind of daredevil.) Here’s the rhyme scheme of the traditional Shakespearean sonnet:

ABAB CDCD EFEF GG

The different letters represent pairs of lines that rhyme with each other: so, the first and third (A an A), the second and fourth (B and B), the fifth and seventh (C and C)—all the way to the closing couplet (G and G). Today’s sonnet, however, uses the following, somewhat more ambitious rhyming pattern:

ABAB ACAC ADAD AA

What this means is that over half the lines in the poem (eight out of fourteen) rhyme with each other: specifically, lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, and 14. This more demanding rhyme scheme, which requires additional craft from the poet, pays homage to the profound specialness of the subject.

From Anne Hathaway…

Each sonnet in my series concludes with lyrics written by the original Paul McCartney (who died in 1966). I took the last line of today’s sonnet from the title track of George Harrison’s triple album All Things Must Pass (1970). I suspect Paul was inspired to write “All Things Must Pass” (the song) by his mother’s passing, when he was fourteen; or by the death of the Beatles’ first bassist, Stuart Sutcliffe, when Paul was nineteen. The song offers words of comfort from the deceased, using natural phenomena (sunrise, sunset, a cloudburst) as metaphors.

In previous posts, I have noted Paul McCartney’s systematic use of meter in his lyrics. In fact, Paul employs enough of the metrical “feet” (rhythmic units) required for Shakespearean sonnets that I have gleaned about two hundred possible last lines for sonnets so far. (Fans might also notice that today’s sonnet opens with a nod to the Beatles’ 1965 classic “Help!”)

It should probably come as no surprise that English student Paul McCartney wrote at least one Shakespearean-style sonnet. This poem has survived, mostly intact. Paul’s replacement published it in his memoir, as his own—but modified two lines to refer to his wife Linda, who died in 1998. While I do not wish to diminish the sentiment of those lines by omitting them below, they are not Paul’s. And Paul would have been mortified to take credit for words he did not write (especially when they contained a punctuation error and a questionable rhyming choice). So, here is the greater part of a Shakespearean sonnet written by young Paul McCartney following the death of his mother:

She was the source of all that life could bring.
Each day her glory woke the morning rays.
Her voice was first of all the birds to sing.
It was her calling to ignite the days.


An advocate for every beating heart,
She would defend each child and each mouse.
But now her face and song are not as clear.
Her image and her voice are in a haze.
Though still she whispers guidance in my ear,
Don’t see her ’round the house as much these days.
The more delight we find in love and song,
The more we’re left to miss them when they’re gone.

Regarding the subject matter of the two missing lines, I can only speculate. Perhaps they refer to Mary McCartney’s work as a midwife and as the head nurse of a hospital maternity ward—hence the words “advocate,” “beating heart,” “defend,” and “child” in the two remaining lines of the quatrain.

In closing, I can attest that a sonnet, like a song, makes a pretty little container to put one’s grief in.

A Lovely Place to Be

Here’s a paradox for you: Paul McCartney’s little sister is older than he is.*

*In his next lifetime.

I grew up in an era when it was considered impolite to divulge a woman’s age. (Maybe it still is.) But I don’t think women should ever be made to feel embarrassed by how much time they have spent on this planet. For example, I freely admit to being older than Taylor Swift but younger than Jonathan, a Seychelles giant tortoise living on the island of Saint Helena who is 192.

As the former Paul McCartney, I have missed the last undisclosed sum total of my sister’s birthdays. Not this one.

When Paul Met Ruth (Again)

Paul McCartney was seventeen when Ruth Williams was born, a certain number of years ago today. Ruth and Paul wouldn’t meet until four years later, when her widowed mother married his widowed father. On this day in 2021, I documented the following thoughts about when Ruth came into Paul’s life (from Paul’s perspective):

I was thrilled to have a little sister, who was going on five at the time. She was about the same age as [my children]. I wasn’t a good father, though I hoped and planned to be one someday; but now, at least, I could be a good big brother to Ruth.

Though Ruth and I were not related by blood, I thought of her as my sister, with no qualifications. I have no conscious memory of feeling this way, but I know it in my heart. She was my sister, and I loved her. I would like to see Ruth again: to hold her, let my tears fall on her shoulder, and apologize for leaving her so suddenly.

A qualification regarding the above: I have since discovered that Ruth McCartney is six inches taller than I am, so my tears would likelier fall on her elbow.

Ruth’s mother, Angie, tells a charming story of the night she and her daughter met Paul McCartney. That evening, while Ruth slept upstairs, Angie had accepted a proposal of marriage from Paul’s father, Jim. After phoning and learning the good news, Paul drove straightaway from London, arriving at his father’s house three hours later—in “the wee small hours of the morning.” I’ll let Angie take it from here, in this excerpt from her memoir Angie McCartney: My Long and Winding Road (2013):

I was washing teacups when he came in, and we exchanged fumbling greetings, and of course, put the kettle on again. We chatted and then he asked me to get Ruth out of bed. She was in her little pink flannelette pyjamas. I sat her on his knee, she was rubbing her eyes, and when the penny dropped, she said, “I know who you are! You’re on my cousin’s wallpaper.” I was mortified. My niece, Geraldine, had a little Wendy house at the bottom of their garden in Malmesbury Road, Norris Green, with Beatles wallpaper. That sure broke the ice! Then Ruth lifted up her pyjama top and showed him her scar where she had had her kidney removed just five months earlier. Paul told her that Ringo had appendix scars too, and in no time, it was like we had all known each other forever. It was a surreal moment in time to watch my four-year-old chatting away with a world-famous person as if she somehow knew we all just put our pants on one leg at a time. She’s still the same to this day.

(A “Wendy house” is a children’s playhouse, if the term is unfamiliar.)

Angie says, “It was like we had all known each other forever.” Indeed, Paul and Ruth had known each other before—in the previous century. During the Romantic Era in England, Paul was Ruth’s aunt. (John Lennon was her uncle.) Paul and his sister, who was Ruth’s mother, shared a household—where Ruth resided for the first fifteen months of her life. Then Ruth was made to live elsewhere, and Paul never saw her again. The separation was heartbreaking. You can imagine, on a subconscious level, how wonderful—even miraculous—it felt for Paul to be reunited with his long-lost niece.

This time, Paul and Ruth would have twenty-three months together—longer than before but still not long at all.

Did Ruth Know?

When Paul McCartney died, at twenty-four, Ruth McCartney was six. I have a theory that she wasn’t informed of her brother’s death—until over twenty years later. In earlier posts, I offered speculative accounts of how the original Paul McCartney broke his left front tooth and how he met his end. Here, similarly, I will flesh out my theory of what Ruth knew and when. This dramatization should not be taken literally; it’s a flight of fancy scantily tethered to known facts. Only those involved can tell the real story.

Jane Asher had called after midnight with the terrible news: Paul was dead. When morning came ’round, as it does, Ruth was roused for school. Jim and Angie looked at each other: How could they tell her? Neither had the heart. The French word for heart is “cœur,” which is the root of “courage”—a word that’s the same in French and English. Neither had the courage to tell Ruth her brother had died. But what if she found out from a classmate? That was a concern.

The phone rang. That damn phone, with its dreadful tidings. Jim didn’t care if he ever heard it again. Brian Epstein, the Beatles’ manager, was on the line. Paul’s death would be kept quiet at first; it wouldn’t be in the papers. Brian offered some faulty reasoning for the subterfuge, and Jim and Angie agreed. They were in shock. They had no idea there had been a plot to assassinate Paul McCartney and replace him with a lookalike. Paul’s “assassination” had been taken care of by fate (or something like it); his replacement was about to be put into effect.

Jim recalled how difficult it had been, ten years earlier, to care for the needs of Paul and Mike as he grieved the passing of his wife, Mary. This second loss, of their son, seemed almost too much to bear. Yes, he and Angie would tell Ruth the truth—after a while, once they had processed their initial grief and could better support their daughter (Jim had legally adopted Ruth) through hers. There didn’t seem to be a rush, as Paul’s death was currently a secret held by a small group of people—which is to say, in the earliest stages of being covered up.

Soon enough, the McCartneys would be compelled to keep their mouths shut about Paul’s death permanently: A man resembling Paul would be taking his place in the Beatles, in his house—in every facet of his life. The McCartneys didn’t have to know why. They just had to maintain the pretense, publicly, that Paul was very much alive—in the form of this stranger.

As appalling and macabre as the situation was, did it solve the problem of having to tell Ruth her brother was gone? Just how much did this guy look like Paul McCartney? As it turned out, he was a “dead ringer”: a perfect pun, and a phrase derived from 19th-century slang for a lower-quality racehorse presented fraudulently as a substitute for a similar-looking one of high quality.

Of course, the whole McCartney clan would have to cooperate in deceiving Ruth—as would the lookalike. He would have to spend time with Ruth and make appearances at family events. When you think about it, it was the least he could do in exchange for the fame and wealth he had inherited overnight. Speaking of inheritance, if Paul McCartney’s death had been recognized, and his will executed, the McCartneys would have been set up quite well. The least they could expect was for the lookalike to play along, for Ruth’s sake. Perhaps all benefited, at times, from the illusion that Paul was still alive.

The Beatles were hoaxing the public, and the McCartneys were hoaxing Ruth. Photos exist of young Ruth and Paul’s replacement—admiring flowers together; playing with Martha (formerly Knickers), the sheepdog Paul left behind; holding hands on a college campus in Wales, where the replacement was attending a seminar on transcendental meditation. In these images, Ruth does not look suspicious or uncomfortable, as if she’s PRETENDING the man she’s with is her brother. Such an acting job could hardly have been expected from a small child anyway.

Ten years later, the ruse backfired horribly. One month after Ruth’s sixteenth birthday, Jim McCartney died. At that point, the lookalike seemed to feel his obligation to the McCartneys was over. He cut off ties with Angie and Ruth, including financial support. (Jim had been receiving an annual allowance.) Ruth would never see the man she thought was her brother again. (She didn’t see him at Jim’s funeral either.) Paul had left Ruth through death. His replacement left her through inexplicable personal rejection. How could she possibly make sense of a formerly devoted sibling (especially those first two years) who no longer wanted anything to do with her?

By 1991, Ruth appears to have learned the truth. That’s when she released an album called I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU. The title track sounds like it could have been written about her long-dead brother. Ruth finds herself “thinking about the old times” with a man who came along just when she needed him. This is not a song about love gone wrong but about a love that continues to liberate: “I will always remember you / For giving my heart this freedom.” Ruth sings, poignantly: “With every word you said / You made me think you’d stay.” Isn’t that how most people, especially the young, approach life—making plans and promises as if their time on earth had no expiration date?

If “I Will Always Remember You” is, indeed, about Paul, it’s a remarkable treasure. You see, Paul McCartney wrote songs—hundreds of them—for and about other people. But no one wrote songs with him in mind—until this lustrous gem of a ballad.

I hope when Ruth found out the truth (if she did), she looked back and was able to tell the difference between Paul and his imposter. More than that, I hope she was able to make a semblance of sense out of the confounding and sometimes cruel behavior of the man she believed to be her brother.

Paul’s Children’s Songs (and Songs for Paul’s Children)

In a television interview sometime after the release of I Will Always Remember You, Ruth McCartney recounted one of the drawbacks of having Paul McCartney as a brother: “I heard the songs being written in the kitchen, and I heard them being written on the stairs, and I heard them being written ’til two or three in the morning, when I was trying to get to sleep.” Her brother extends a long-overdue apology for keeping rock-star hours with a growing child in the house.

I wonder if those late-night sessions, the ones that kept little Ruth awake, produced any of Paul’s songs for children—such as “Yellow Submarine” (1966), “Hello, Goodbye” (1967), “All Together Now” (1969), and “Octopus’s Garden” (1969). Of these, the Beatles recorded only the first while Paul was still alive. Having a new little sister, and holding his own children in his heart, Paul must have felt inspired to compose songs for budding minds—featuring simple language; cheerful melodies; and things kids learn about in school, like numbers, colors, and animals.

On Ruth’s birthday four years ago, I articulated (from Paul’s point of view) my intention to write a song for her in this lifetime:

I am trying to write a song that expresses my feelings for Ruth and the brief time we had together, which was just two years.

In 1991, Ruth released an album called I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU. I haven’t been able to find a copy or even see the lyrics, but I [suspect] the title track is about me. I am touched that Ruth retained any memories of me, since she was only six when I died.

Four months later, I recorded “Your Sister Rose and You,” for an online songwriting class. The original title and lyrics used the name Ruth. But when it came time to share the song with others, I substituted a false name; this change necessitated rewriting the first verse. Why did I go to the trouble? Well, Paul McCartney’s death had been covered up; I didn’t know by whom, and I didn’t know if they still cared. But many years ago, individuals who made motions toward revealing the truth had been “suppressed.” Therefore, I felt it was safer to be obscure. I needn’t have worried: my songs and writings seem to live in a happy little vacuum.

“Your Sister Rose and You” is a bit of a fantasy, about connecting with Ruth through a fictitious intermediary—whom I imagined to be Micky Dolenz, of the Monkees! On a German talk show in 1987, Ruth expressed a fondness for the group:

When I was growing up, because there were always Beatle records around the house for free, I would save my pocket money, I’d wash cars for [an] extra fifty cents, to go out and buy records by the Monkees and the Partridge Family and David Cassidy and whatever.

These recollections would have dated to after Paul’s time, as The Monkees TV series premiered in the United States just one month before his death. I’m a big fan of the Monkees, so I thought it might be fun to imagine Micky Dolenz singing my song for Ruth.

A week after the class ended, however, I took the idea a step further: I sent my song to Micky Dolenz, to see if he might be interested in recording it. On the same day, I sent another song I had recorded for the class (one for Paul’s son, Philip) to another member of the Monkees: Michael Nesmith. (In “Your Old Acoustic,” I try to emulate Nesmith’s musical style, of which I am a tremendous admirer.) As I reported in my journal on July 6, 2021:

Today I emailed [links to] my songs to the management for Michael Nesmith and Micky Dolenz. I got an immediate response from Michael’s agent that he forwarded my message to Michael’s manager. So, we’ll see! I wish I could have told them I used to be the original Paul McCartney, but I’m sure that would have landed my messages in the trash immediately. I want to get these messages out as soon as possible. I also need to get Bettina’s song out there, if I can.

“Bettina” was the first song I ever wrote, for Paul’s daughter in Germany; I didn’t record it until a few years later. I don’t know if Michael Nesmith ever heard “Your Old Acoustic”; he passed away five months after I made contact with his representative.

I want to clarify that I am not given to bouts of extreme self-confidence. Rather, I had a specific purpose in submitting my songs to established artists: to get my messages—Paul’s words of love for the young ones he left behind—out there. It was the reason I started writing songs in the first place. In “Your Old Acoustic,” I state this goal explicitly: “I sing / Just so you will hear.” And in “Bettina,” I thank “my lucky stars” for “a second chance” to set things right.

In “Michelle,” released on the Beatles’ Rubber Soul album (1965), Paul assures his daughter in France: “I’ll get to you somehow.” But why was there such a gulf—or channel, in this case—between Paul and his daughter? From January 16 to February 4, 1964, the Beatles were performing in Paris (just before their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show). Michelle would have been three. Paul was in the neighborhood. Why couldn’t he at least visit her? In “Michelle,” Paul paints the picture of a seemingly unbridgeable chasm between them:

I love you, I love you, I love you
That’s all I want to say
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that you’ll understand…

I want you, I want you, I want you
I think you know by now
I’ll get to you somehow
Until I do, I’m telling you so you’ll understand

Michelle, ma belle…

At the time, the Beatles were expected to be “good”; it was part of their image, like the mop-top haircuts and matching suits. The members weren’t supposed to make babies with anyone who wasn’t their “good lady wife”—and it was probably better, for the band’s appeal, if they didn’t have a wife at all. Paul’s failure to take responsibility for his children was an anguishing circumstance he died before rectifying; it remains a source of deep regret.

My songs for Bettina and Philip, as well as a second song for Michelle (called “Ma Belle”), can be found on my Songs page.

Sister Ruth

As I mentioned, “Your Sister Rose and You” (video and lyrics below) is an exercise in wishful thinking, a daydream. But it’s grounded in references to things that really exist: three songs, a book, a play, and a photo. Following is a cheat sheet to the song’s sly and not-so-subtle mentions.

“She Loves You” (1963), song by the Beatles. “Your Sister Rose and You” relies on “She Loves You” for its organizing principle. “She Loves You” is rather unique as a love song in that it isn’t written from one lover to or about another. Rather, it takes the perspective of a third party—an acquaintance of the two individuals in the relationship described in the lyrics. For comparison, consider the Beatles’ “I Want to Hold Your Hand” (written from one lover to another) and “I Saw Her Standing There” (written from one lover about another).

Similarly, “Your Sister Rose and You” assumes the point of view of someone who knows both the man to whom the song is addressed and his sister. To cement the parallel, I picked up a line directly from “She Loves You”: “She almost lost her mind.”

For the record: Paul wrote “She Loves You” about himself and John; “she” is Paul, and “you” is John. Plugging the names into one of the verses and adjusting the pronouns helps clarify the scenario:

Paul said John hurt him so
He almost lost his mind
But now Paul says he knows
John’s not the hurting kind

If you’ve been keeping up with my posts, you’ll know John could be the “hurting kind.”

“I Will Always Remember You” (1991), song by Ruth McCartney. The chorus of “Your Sister Rose and You” restates the first line of Ruth’s chorus, both of which address the idea of remembrance:

Ruth: “I will always remember you”
“Rose”: “She locked you in her memory / And you yourself would keep the key”

For the record: In the 1980s, Ruth McCartney was a pop sensation in parts of Europe, where she led a “celebrity, paparazzi life.” You can listen to “I Will Always Remember You” here; I found this file only recently, years after writing my song for Ruth.

Hamlet (c. 1600), play by Shakespeare. The chorus of “Your Sister Rose and You” reworks lines spoken by Ophelia to her brother, Laertes:

Ophelia: “’Tis in my memory lock’d, / And you yourself shall keep the key of it.”
“Rose”: “She locked you in her memory / And you yourself would keep the key”

For the record: Paul McCartney refers to plays by Shakespeare in “Paperback Writer,” “With a Little Help from My Friends,” and “Grow Old with Me.”

Photo of Paul and Ruth flying a kite (1965). I found photographic evidence that Paul and Ruth once flew a kite together, leading to the lyric: “Flying kites into the blue.” For the record: The kite-flying photo appears in the book Remember: The Recollections and Photographs of Michael McCartney (1992).

Your Mother Should Know (2019), memoir by Angie McCartney. Angie tells the story of daughter Ruth’s plucky trip from Liverpool to London to arrange a dance routine for brother Mike’s group, The Scaffold:

The Scaffold’s hits included chart-toppers such as “Thank U Very Much,” “Lily The Pink,” and another called “Dance The Do,” for which he invited his young stepsister Ruth to be the choreographer. This involved her taking a solo train to London to demonstrate her steps to the BBC’s dance group, Pan’s People, who would perform the dance for the video clip. This was quite an adventure at her young age.

I don’t know which station was her destination, but “Waterloo” satisfied the rhyme—hence the lyric, “On a train to Waterloo.” For the record: Angie McCartney, now ninety-five, is quite a prolific author; she has penned multiple memoirs and even a volume about tea.

“Nobody Told Me” (1984), song recorded by John Lennon. I pulled the lyric, “To the north of Katmandu,” from “Nobody Told Me” (released after Lennon’s death). Years earlier, when writing the song, Paul had pulled the phrase from the first line of a 1911 poem by J. Milton Hayes: “There’s a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu.”

For the record: In his songs, Paul McCartney quotes, paraphrases, or alludes to a variety of literary works, including a lullaby by the dramatist Thomas Dekker (c. 1572–1632); the Christian allegory Pilgrim’s Progress (1678), by John Bunyan; a poem by Robert Browning (1812–1889); the poem “Sympathy” (1899), by Paul Laurence Dunbar; and Timothy Leary’s book The Psychedelic Experience (1964).

The “Critical” Response

On June 22, 2021, I shared “Your Sister Rose and You” with students in my songwriting class. Of the five comments I received, two mentioned the Beatles (taken verbatim):

Very cool vibe, reminds me of songs from the end of the 20th Century, including The Beatles, etc.—that’s a compliment, as I love that genre :)!

I really like the way you’ve made such an interesting recording. Has kind of vaudeville roots to it. Some of the Beatles stuff came from that.

I was genuinely surprised that others had heard something reminiscent of the Beatles in my song; the thought still makes me smile.

If Ruth McCartney ever hears “Your Sister Rose and You,” sees the video, or reads my words, I hope she will understand how much her brother loved her and despaired to leave her.

Your Sister Rose and You

Lyrics:

I ran into your sister Rose
Still pretty as a flower
I’m well, and you? and so it goes
We spoke for half an hour

I told her I was wondering
If she remembered anything
Ah-ah-ah

She locked you in her memory
(Feeding penguins at the zoo)
And you yourself would keep the key
(Pointing at a caribou)
It’s such a lovely place to be
Your sister Rose and you, ooh, too

I mentioned you were up the coast
And not too hard to find
She looked as if she’d seen a ghost
She almost lost her mind

I told her I was wondering
If she remembered anything
Ah-ah-ah

She locked you in her memory
(Flying kites into the blue)
And you yourself would keep the key
(Playing Battleship and Clue)
It’s such a lovely place to be
Your sister Rose and you, ooh, too

We never lose the ones we love, and here’s the reason why:
They keep on coming round until there is no more goodbye

[Instrumental interlude]

He’s changed a lot since he’s been dead—
You’d take him for another
I’d know him in my heart, she said
I love him—he’s my brother

I told her I was wondering
If she remembered anything
Ah-ah-ah

She locked you in her memory
(On a train to Waterloo)
And you yourself would keep the key
(To the north of Katmandu)
It’s such a lovely place to be
Your sister Rose and you, ooh

Your sister Rose and you, ooh, too

CREDITS: In the video for “Your Sister Rose and You,” the photo of Paul and Ruth flying a kite with Jane Asher was taken by Mike McCartney. I suspect Mike also took the photo of Paul and Ruth with their arms raised (appearing at the top of this post, as well). I was unable to determine the source(s) of the other two photos of Paul and Ruth that appear in the video; I suspect both were snapped in the Bahamas, while the Beatles were filming Help!

Brother Michael

“I am writing this post to honor the eighty-first birthday of Mike McCartney.” You have just read the winner of my recent How to Start this Blog Post competition. Here are the other contenders, and why I rejected them:

  • “Mike McCartney, a.k.a. Mike McGear, is the younger, better-looking, more stylish brother of Paul McCartney.” (too self-deprecating)
  • “Sibling relationships are complicated—especially if you die, you’re replaced by a lookalike, your brother accepts him in your stead, and you witness it all from your next lifetime.” (too metaphysical)
  • “When Paul McCartney was a teenager, he ate too many cakes; his brother, Mike, called him ‘Fatty.’”  (too grudgy)
  • “In a 1964 magazine interview, Paul McCartney identified one of his ultimate ambitions as to invest in his brother’s hairdressing business.” (too random)
  • “Photos taken by Mike McCartney are held in the collection of the National Portrait Gallery in London.” (too boastful)

In an earlier post, I alluded to a dream memory I had with Mike, which I was able to confirm using a photograph—taken by Mike! I thought it might be fun, in recognition of Mike’s day of origin, to describe that dream along with other sleepy-time adventures I’ve had with him and additional members of the Beatles’ inner circle. These dreams occurred between April 2022 and January 2024.

What’s a Dream Memory Again?

In prior posts, I talked a bit about dream memories and provided some examples. Dream memories are recollections of past lives that occur during slumber and are sourced from the subconscious. When we’re born, we bring subconscious memories of our prior incarnations with us. For small children, these hidden remembrances might bubble up, occasionally, to the level of conscious awareness. As we get older, however, our waking access to past-life memories tends to diminish and disappear. But the memories are still there, behind the scenes, coloring our perception.

You could think of our amnesia for past lives as a hypnotic suggestion, implanted right before we incarnate. Imagine being a soul, just about to slide down an etheric “chute” into your future mommy’s “tummy”—where you will join up with your six- or seven-month-old form. At this moment, you receive the following mental instruction: “Once you exit the womb, your mind will be free from all memories of previous incarnations.”

And let’s face it: it’s hard enough to deal with the stuff that happens in one lifetime without the weight of hundreds or even thousands of years of personal history on your shoulders.

While we may not be able to call up past-life memories at will, we might encounter them in dreams—which pull from the subconscious, where those memories live. That’s the only way I can explain the numerous dreams I’ve had as the original Paul McCartney and other past selves. Sometimes, as I’m falling asleep, I’ll ask for a dream memory. But I almost never get one. My subconscious “gives” me a dream memory if and when it wants to. I can only accept that it knows best.

As a reminder, when I have a dream memory from Paul McCartney’s life, I might be Paul. Or I might be someone else in the scene. Or I might be a third-person observer. For a while now, I have been receptive to the idea that we are all one, even if we appear to be separate. My experience with dream memories bears this out: our shared subconscious can assume the perspective of any person or any point in existence.

Seeing Paul in the Mirror

Probably the easiest way to know who you are in a dream is to look in a mirror! That’s what I did on April 28, 2022:

This morning, I had a dream that I looked in the mirror and saw Paul McCartney. In the dream, I didn’t quite realize I was seeing Paul. I had a mop-top haircut. My hair looked quite soft and smooth. I thought, in the dream, that if I held my lips in a certain way, I could look like John (Lennon). Then I thought I could look like any of the Beatles. My features were pleasant; I especially noticed my lips, which looked soft. I saw only my face in the mirror; I’m not sure if that was all of me the mirror showed or if my focus was simply on my face…

I guess my subconscious thought I could use a little affirmation of my former identity. As I recalled the dream [later],…a particular photo came to mind—of myself, as Paul McCartney, on the set of THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW in 1964.

As far as why I wasn’t surprised to see Paul McCartney’s face in the mirror, I wouldn’t have looked in the mirror [on the set of THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW] and thought, “Oh my God! It’s Paul McCartney!” I would have thought, “There’s my mug. This performance is really important. Don’t [eff] it up.” It’s hard to know why I imagined myself as able to look like John, George, or Ringo…maybe the idea is that anyone with that haircut would look like a Beatle. It wasn’t like one of those nightmares in which you look in the mirror and you don’t look like yourself.

Two months later, on June 26, 2022, I had another “mirror” dream (which I recorded in my journal the following day):

Yesterday, I had a dream in which I could feel my face changing, transforming. I watched it happen in a mirror. My face became an amalgam of the original Paul McCartney and Karen Greenfield. That was the thought I had in my mind.

When I see a photo of the original Paul McCartney, my former self, I look, look, look for any kind of physical resemblance to myself now, as Karen. Sometimes I get a hint, below the surface, coming out from within; but there are only minimal surface resemblances.

I have noted a few outward similarities between me (as Karen) and Paul: a high forehead, a narrow palate, and hair that parts naturally on the left. In my incarnations, I am usually a woman who looks very much like I do now: pale, petite, fair-haired. Being a relatively tall, dark-haired man with a cute nose was quite a departure for me! I’m pretty sure I rocked it though, right? (As Paul, I was “designed” to resemble the man who would one day replace me, and who was born five years before I was.) In this lifetime, as Karen, I am very “on brand” for me; sometime, I’ll show you images of me through the ages, and you’ll have a good laugh.

A Dream Memory from Paul’s Childhood

On July 22, 2023, I had an unusual dream that seemed to depict an early experience in Paul McCartney’s life:

I had some interesting McCartney-related dreams this morning…

In the second dream, I was looking in a large-format book that had moving pictures; when I would open to a spread, the image that spanned both pages would come to life. I looked at two spreads that showed black-and-white photos of a children’s birthday party from an earlier era. I especially remember a girl in a white dress with blonde hair, but there were probably about two dozen children, about eight to ten years old, in the photos. They were dancing—literally moving, as if the photos were videos.

I felt like I was the little boy whose party it was; the dance was a contest, and I was supposed to be picking the best dancer. My father—Jim McCartney—was urging me to choose a winner; I guess I was taking too long to decide.

I am reasonably certain this dream was showing me the birthday party of a young Paul McCartney, who was particularly taken with a blonde girl in a white dress.

Three Dream Memories with Mike

I am going to share a trio of dream memories I’ve had with my brother from another mother, Mike McCartney. I wonder if Mike is having a celebratory dinner tonight, for his birthday. In that spirit, I will start with an “appetizer.” On November 28, 2022, I documented the following snippet:

I had an interesting dream last night in which I had become “known,” and I was in a large room with a number of other people; I was waiting for Mike McCartney to come in, and I was going to give him a hug.

Collective “awwww” for the bond between brothers. Was this dream a recollection from the première for the Beatles’ 1964 feature film A Hard Day’s Night? Paul attended with his father, his brother, and a bevy of aunties. In this photo taken during the event, Paul seems to be showing off his family, quite proudly.

Moving on to the “main course,” on July 27, 2023, five days after witnessing Paul’s birthday party, I recounted the following dream:

I dreamt that I was observing (the original) Paul McCartney in a small boat. I was slightly above, looking down on him in the boat. It was as if I was on a platform, looking down on him in the water. His hair was dark and seemingly quite long, as I viewed him from the side… Paul was moving around a bit and laughing. I heard some chatter in an English accent.

[Upon waking reflection, I realized] that I was viewing a memory, the one of Paul and Mike taking pictures of each other, looking like Elvis, in a boat. I think Paul’s hair looked so long from the side because it was in a pompadour style. I’ll see if I can find a photo from this “shoot.” [I switched to first-person here:] We were quite young, I think.

Okay, here’s the photo I remembered. Now I see why my hair looked so long from the side: the collar of my dark jacket was popped, and in my dream, the popped collar looked like an extension of my hair. Apparently, Mike and I were on the boating lake in Sefton Park, in Liverpool, shortly before the Beatles became popular. I couldn’t read any more of the article accompanying the photo because it quoted [my replacement] as saying he had “many happy memories” of rowing on that lake.

I never know when my subconscious will give me these little gems.

I am especially convinced the foregoing dream was a genuine memory because I was able, using a photo, to explain part of it I didn’t understand.

And now for the bittersweet “dessert.” On August 19, 2023, about three weeks after the “boat dream,” I saw a fragment of a scene in my sleep, which I reported the following day:

Yesterday morning, I had a dream I barely remembered. The only part I seemed to recall was seeing a male youth from an earlier era, dressed up, and possibly standing on a grassy area beneath a tree. The coloration was generally gray or brown…

I struggled to figure out what the dream might have been about… I figured out that the boy was Mike, and I was viewing our mother’s funeral. I didn’t see other mourners, though. Learning about this dream last night prompted raucous weeping on my part.

Mary McCartney’s burial took place on November 3, 1956, at Yew Tree Cemetery, on Finch Lane, in Liverpool. Is it possible that only Jim, Paul, and Mike were in attendance? That seems so unlikely. To quote myself, in my journal, Paul, “for one, would have appreciated an auntie’s bosom to be comforted against.” But maybe Jim McCartney knew he wouldn’t be able to find his brave face that day, so he limited the service to the three grieving residents of 20 Forthlin Road.

What’s a Dream Encounter?

I have never tried to define this phenomenon before, but I will do my best: A dream encounter is a meeting, in a dreamscape, between two or more beings, at least one of whom is asleep. Perhaps the most commonly reported examples of dream encounters are visits from deceased loved ones—which are usually quite welcome. I can’t speak to how dream encounters work. But I will say that I never consciously seek them out, for the following reason.

In a dream encounter with another living person, in which both of you are asleep, each comes face to face with the other’s subconscious. According to Sigmund Freud, the famed founder of psychoanalysis, the subconscious is home to the id: the source of instinctual needs and drives. So, when you’re in someone else’s dream, or someone else is in your dream, the urge-driven parts of your souls are meeting. Fortunately, the superego may choose to intervene on behalf of civility.

I have found that, in dream encounters, a subconscious might be gentle and friendly—or vicious and aggressive, without any boundaries. And the “mood” of a subconscious can change from one encounter to the next. To me, the dangers of dream encounters far outweigh any conceivable benefits. My hope is that they are exceedingly rare, despite how regularly they seem to occur in my life.

There is nothing scary or bad about the dream encounters I am about to describe.

Dream Encounters with Mike, Peter, and Ringo

Almost exactly two years ago, on January 6, 2023, I had a lighthearted dream encounter with Mike McCartney:

Earlier in the evening, shortly after I went to bed, I woke up around 1:30 from a dream with Mike! In the dream, Mike and I were talking on the phone, though we were also in person together. I don’t think we said anything important—just some silly stuff… My sister was there at the end, too.

I think Mike was in my dream, because my sister showed up—a creation of my subconscious, nicely enhancing the sibling vibe. Assuming Mike was in England at the time, this dream encounter would have occurred on the morning before his seventy-ninth birthday—a gift of sorts?

About a month later, on February 11, 2023, I had an intriguing dream encounter with Peter Asher—whom I have talked about quite a bit in previous posts. In the 1960s, Peter Asher and Paul McCartney were fellow musicians as well as housemates, and Paul was engaged to marry Peter’s sister, Jane. Nowadays, Peter Asher hosts a show on The Beatles Channel, on SiriusXM. I used to be able to listen to The Beatles Channel, before I discovered who I had been. After that, I couldn’t stomach hearing the songs recorded after Paul McCartney’s death, or references to Paul and his replacement as the same person.

This morning, I was in a dream with Peter Asher. The setting seemed to be a banquet of sorts, so I think it was HIS dream. I don’t often dream about banquets. In the dream, I was sitting across from Peter at a round table. He seemed middle-aged, probably a bit younger than he is now. His eyes flared into an intense blue and then resolved into a lighter, clearer blue. When his eyes were intense blue, I had the thought they were the color of mine. I told him, “You’re seeing me, but you’re not really seeing me.” I meant, you see me, but you don’t realize I used to be Paul McCartney. I woke up a little after 4 a.m. I wasn’t sure he ever recognized me.

Two Aprils in a row, I had dream encounters with Ringo Starr, the Beatles’ very famous drummer. I reported the first one in my journal on April 25, 2022:

Ringo was in my dream this morning… I was sitting on my bed. My sister was sitting next to me, closer to the edge of my side of the bed. I was using a spoon to eat from a small bowl of soup that had a grain, like quinoa, at the bottom, along with some broth. Then Ringo was there, next to my sister. He looked younger than he does now; he didn’t have a beard, as he does now. The idea, and I’m not sure who said it, was that Ringo had made the soup. The idea came into my head that, when I am ready, I can seek him out. I dissolved out of the dream right after that and was awake. It was about 6:30. I wonder if it was really Ringo.

I don’t know what the soup in the dream might have represented. Ringo had made it, so I suppose it conveyed a sense of nourishment and care coming from him.

My dream with Ringo almost exactly one year later, on April 23, 2023, was a little less homey (no wholesome soup) and a bit more surreal (meandering skunks). The driving force behind this second dream encounter with Ringo was to establish privacy between us, so we could talk:

This morning, I had a dream with Ringo. We were on a large lawn, with other people. At one point, we were sitting at a table together. In my mind, we were trying to establish some privacy so we could speak about the current situation. I saw Ringo in the near distance talking to a man; I think he was asking the man to give us some privacy. There was a dark-haired woman sitting with her back to me, at a picnic table nearby; I wondered if she should leave, too. I was trying to round up some animals on the lawn, and a skunk walked right past my feet. I went to a room that seemed like my old bedroom in Encino [in Los Angeles County, in California] and got a guitar; I brought it out to a paved section next to the lawn and set it up on a stand; it had some kind of packaging on it. There were more people now. I stopped next to Ringo and touched his arm. Then I woke up. It was around 5 a.m.

I wonder if Ringo has a large lawn, where he hosts large lawn parties, which he sometimes dreams about.

A Curious “Dream” with Jane

In my last post, I offered some insights into the relationship between Paul McCartney and Jane Asher; I don’t know how close to the truth I came. The most recent dream I am presenting in this post took place almost exactly one year ago, on January 5, 2024. In the dream, I seemed to be having a vision of Jane, in the past:

Earlier, I had a dream with or about Jane Asher. In the dream, I was in an expansive outdoor area like a park. I saw Jane in the distance, in a space surrounded by a chain-link fence. She was with at least one other woman—a blonde, I think. Jane’s red hair was long, with long bangs swept back and longer hair underneath. She looked young. I knew she was too far away to notice or hear me, so I talked to her in her mind. I said, “I’m alive! It’s Paul.” (This was said in JPM’s [James Paul McCartney’s] voice.) Jane replied immediately, and with excitement: “Paul!” That’s all I remember.

I don’t know if this was a dream memory, a dream encounter, or just a regular old dream. At the very end, though, Jane and I seemed to be communicating in the present, perhaps mind-to-mind.

In May 2022, I had an extraordinary dream encounter with the iconic singer Tony Bennett; he passed away about fourteen months later. I was able to verify an aspect of the dream that I hadn’t known earlier, shocking even myself! I want to tell you that story sometime. But today is Mike’s day.

Let Him In

When Paul McCartney died, he left behind a song in progress called “Let ’Em In”—a tribute to the warm, convivial family gatherings he had enjoyed since youth. You might know this ditty from its opening lines: “Someone’s knockin’ at the door / Somebody’s ringin’ the bell.” Paul’s replacement released “Let ’Em In” with Wings, in 1976; as a single, it reached number two in the UK, and number three in the United States. But the biggest thrill for me, related to this song, is that one of my favorite singer-songwriters, Freedy Johnston, recorded a cover of it for his 2007 album My Favorite Waste of Time.

In the Wings version of “Let ’Em In,” Paul’s replacement pronounces “auntie” (at 1:51 and 2:39) as Americans usually do, probably because he grew up in the United States. I wonder if Paul would have pronounced “auntie” as Brits typically do. You can hear the two ways of pronouncing “aunt” here.

The three nearly identical verses of “Let ’Em In,” represented below by the first one, list the guests to be “let in”:

Sister Susie, Brother John
Martin Luther, Phil and Don
Brother Michael, Auntie Jin
Open the door, and let ’em in

I think Paul might have intended to introduce more variety in the individuals mentioned throughout the song. But in this first verse, “Phil and Don” are almost certainly Phil and Don Everly, who performed as the American rock duo the Everly Brothers—surely a favorite of Paul’s when he was growing up in the 1950s. Perhaps “Sister Susie” is a nod to the Everly Brothers’ chart-topper “Wake Up Little Susie” (1957).

“Auntie Jin” is well-known as one of Paul’s beloved aunts, on his father’s side. “Brother John” could be a reference to bandmate Lennon. I suspect “Martin Luther” (as in the German theologian) is a placeholder that satisfies the meter.

And, of course, “Brother Michael” is Paul’s brother, Mike, born Peter Michael McCartney, eighty-one years ago today.

Happy Birthday, Brother Michael!

CREDIT: The photo at the top of this post shows Paul McCartney and his brother, Mike, at EMI Studios, in London, on June 3, 1964—the day before the Beatles set off on a world tour. A number of recordings were made that day—sans Ringo, who was ill. The photo is copyright © Larry Ellis. I apologize to Mr. Ellis for violating his copyright, but I really liked this photo and wanted to use it to illustrate the closeness between Paul and Mike, with the younger visiting the elder at his place of business. I find it amusing that the brothers’ expressions are diametrically opposed, with each man committed to his look: Paul giving wide-eyed wonder, Mike evincing eagle-eyed certainty. I doubt there is any deep meaning here, just two bros mugging for the camera. I also love this photo, taken by Ellis the same day: Paul, a huge grin on his face, is raising Mike’s arm and giving a thumbs-up, in seeming approval of his brother.

I Didn’t Mean to Hurt You

This post contains accounts of physical and emotional abuse between partners in a personal relationship. If descriptions of domestic violence leave you feeling vulnerable to anxiety or depression, you might want to skip this one. If you choose to continue, please take care.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the original Paul McCartney chipped his left front tooth in December 1965. For the next three months, the Beatles kept a low profile. When they reemerged into the public eye, in the spring of 1966, fans took notice of Paul’s broken smile. They wanted to know what had happened to him—and when he was going to fix that cracked gnasher.

Word circulated that Paul’s tooth had been damaged in a moped accident in the Wirral, the peninsula in North West England where his father lived. But I don’t buy it. Based on photos, song lyrics, research, and deductive reasoning, I have arrived at a far more disturbing scenario behind Paul’s dental injury.

The Official Story

In the late spring or early summer of 1966, Brian Epstein, the Beatles’ manager, issued a formal explanation for Paul McCartney’s goofier-than-normal grin. Brian’s words appeared in the American teen magazine 16:

Last mid-December, Paul injured his lip and chipped his tooth in the mo-ped accident. He honestly thought no one would notice the chip, for it is so small. I told him three times he should do something about it. It is in a place where there are no nerve ends, so there is no pain. Paul assured me that he would have the tooth capped, but—unfortunately—he has not done so. It is my opinion that he will just let it be.

I couldn’t confirm the publication date of this statement, but it appears in an article that refers to June 5, 1966, as having occurred in the recent past. Around the same time, on June 24, 1966, New Musical Express, a pop periodical in the UK, published Paul’s version of events:

It was quite a serious accident at the time. It probably sounds daft, having a serious accident on a motorised bicycle, but I came off hard and I got knocked about a bit. My head and lip were cut and I broke the tooth. I was only doing about 30 at the time, but it was dark and I hit a stone and went flyin’ through the air. It was my fault all right. It was a nice night and I was looking at the moon!

Later, Paul’s replacement embellished the story—which was expanded to include Tara Browne, a British socialite and an heir to the Guinness fortune, who died in December 1966 (two months after Paul):

We were riding along on the mopeds. I was showing Tara the scenery. He was behind me, and it was an incredible full moon; it really was huge. I said something about the moon and he said ‘yeah,’ and I suddenly had a freeze-frame image of myself at that angle to the ground when it’s too late to pull back up again: I was still looking at the moon and then I looked at the ground, and it seemed to take a few minutes to think, ‘Ah, too bad—I’m going to smack that pavement with my face!’ Bang!

Paul’s replacement would have been wise to check which phase the moon was in that night. On December 26, 1965, the accepted date of the “accident,” Earth’s satellite was a “waxing crescent.” It would have looked like a small, illuminated sliver—not the kind of perfectly glowing orb that might upend a man’s motorbike. The full moon had occurred over two weeks earlier, on December 8, when the Beatles were performing two shows at Gaumont Cinema, in Sheffield, England.

We can guess why Paul’s replacement might have added details to the original story: he was surely questioned, with some regularity, about the incident in which “he” broke “his” tooth. But why would Brian Epstein and Paul McCartney have lied about what happened? What terrible truth might they have been hiding?

A Photo That Told a Different Story

A few years ago, I came across a photograph of Paul McCartney taken right after his alleged wipeout on a moped. I have seen this image credited to Paul’s brother, Mike. It makes sense that Paul and Mike would have been together the day after Christmas, at their father’s house, which was in the vicinity of the supposed motorbike accident. As a photographer, Mike certainly would have had his camera on hand.

But as I studied Paul’s face in the photo, a thought entered my mind, unbidden: “This looks like a man who has been beaten up.” Paul appeared to have been punched on the left side of the mouth and in the left eye. More recently, I encountered a photo from the same occasion but with less contrast, offering a clearer view of Paul’s injuries—which also included a laceration on the left side of the bridge of his nose.

In both photos, Paul’s expression is one of desolation and despair, rather than: “I can’t believe I came off that bike! What an arse!” And why take a picture at such a moment—to capture, for all time, the result of Paul’s lack of coordination? I believe Paul, or someone else, had the idea to document his wounds, in case charges were to be filed against his attacker.

Assuming Paul was assaulted, who would have—and could have—done it? Who would have had the motive and the access? I mentally explored scenarios in which a stranger might have ambushed Paul McCartney. Ultimately, however, I settled on the likelier possibility that the assailant was someone “on the inside.” Then a really awful thought began to nag at me—an unthinkable thought! One that would shock Beatles fans.

Over time, the pieces of the story fell together.

Paul Meets Jane

On April 18, 1963, Paul McCartney met Jane Asher. He was twenty; she had just turned seventeen. The Beatles were big enough to be part of a lineup at London’s Royal Albert Hall (billed second) but were not household names yet. While Paul was onstage with the band, Jane was in the audience providing commentary for the Radio Times, a weekly magazine that listed radio and television programs. Prompted by the publication’s photographer, Jane was snapped screaming for the Beatles—like the girls around her. After the event, she went backstage and was invited to keep company with the group that night.

I might have had a dream memory related to this initial meeting between Paul and Jane—viewed from her perspective. I wonder if Jane might recognize the following scene, as recorded in my journal on September 14, 2023:

I had several Beatles-related dreams [this morning]. In the first dream, I was in a room. I might have been standing, but I feel more like I was sitting on a couch. I was aware that standing behind me, about ten feet away, were members of the Beatles—definitely including the original Paul McCartney. I wasn’t looking at them; my back was to them. I am trying to put my finger on my feeling in the moment. I think I was slightly awed by their presence—but “awe” is too strong a word. I was aware of them, and I knew they were members of the Beatles. There was the sense that they were waiting for something; maybe they were waiting for some kind of an engagement to start.

I have read that during Paul’s first encounter with Jane, he impressed her by quoting Chaucer. Specifically, he said, “Ful semely hir wimpel pinched was.” This line appears in the General Prologue of The Canterbury Tales, in Chaucer’s description of the Prioress (a nun). While the words sound a bit salacious, all they mean is that the Prioress, a sharp dresser, wore a well-pressed cloth around her neck. I believe I am the only one to proffer a theory as to why Paul quoted this particular line, from among the 17,000 lines in the medieval masterpiece. I imagine that after an evening spent talking, Paul and Jane had an exchange like the following:

Jane: I’d like to go home now.
Paul: Of course! I’ll see you to your door. Where do you live?
Jane: In Wimpole Street.
Paul: Oh! “Ful semely hir wimpel pinched was.”
Jane: Paul! You’re so clever and well-read! [writer’s embellishment]

If you missed it, Jane lived on Wimpole Street; the Prioress wore a wimpel.

In my last post, I mentioned that John, Paul, George, and Ringo had known—or known of—each other during the Romantic Period (in past lives). Jane was there, too; she and Paul were siblings, though not related by blood. Two hundred years before that, Jane and Paul were both English dramatists, whose plays are still studied and performed today. It makes sense, then, that when they met (again) in 1963, they connected quickly and bonded over literature. As a footnote, Jane Asher is a fine writer in this lifetime. I read one of her novels, The Question (1998), five or six years ago; I can still remember the ending and how it chilled me to the bone.

A Springtime Engagement

At the end of March 1965, Paul McCartney had a photo session with Jane Asher on the set of the Beatles’ movie Help! In the photos, Jane appears to be wearing an engagement ring, on the fourth finger of her right hand. Based on my survey of the images available online, Jane would not be seen wearing this ring again—except in a photo taken two months later, which I will say more about in a bit.

Why was that ring (almost) never spotted on Jane’s finger again? Maybe Paul and Jane wanted to keep their engagement private. Or maybe Brian Epstein asked Jane not to wear the ring in public, so Paul would still appear “available.” Ringo had tied the knot with Maureen Cox just a month earlier, and perhaps Brian wasn’t ready to lose one of the group’s two remaining bachelors quite yet. I’m not sure it really mattered, though: John’s status as a married man, wed to Cynthia since 1962, hadn’t seemed to dampen enthusiasm for the band.

We get a glimpse of Paul’s feelings for Jane through Beatles songs recorded both before and after their engagement:

  • A love like ours could never die. (“And I Love Her,” 1964)
  • Through thick and thin, she will always be my friend. (“Another Girl,” 1965)
  • If she’s beside me, I know I need never care. (“Here, There and Everywhere,” 1966)
  • I’m so proud to know that she is mine. (“Good Day Sunshine,” 1966)

The sincerity of Paul’s affection for Jane is evident in the following stanza from “Center of Love,” a poem he wrote for her:

And I touched you,
As I caressed your glowing hair.
And the peace I felt in you,
It was as tender as a dove.
And I knew that it would last,
So I whispered in your ear,
That we were lying there,
You and I, in the center of love.

Paul’s replacement published this poem, as his own, in his 2009 memoir.

Within three weeks of his engagement shoot with Jane, Paul purchased a home in the St. John’s Wood neighborhood of London. The three-story Regency townhouse was situated about a mile and a half from where Jane currently lived with her parents and siblings, and where Paul resided in an attic bedroom. It was also an eight-minute walk from EMI Studios, where the Beatles did most of their recording.

The Day Before “Yesterday”

I hope I have successfully conveyed the forward momentum of Paul McCartney’s relationship with Jane Asher in the spring of 1965. To recap, Jane’s engagement ring made its first appearance sometime between March 24 and March 30; on April 13, Paul bought a house. On May 27, Paul and Jane left for a two-week holiday in Portugal—during which, I think, they planned to marry.

On May 26, the day before the couple’s departure, the Beatles recorded their fifty-second and final musical appearance for BBC radio. Between 2:30 and 6:00 p.m., the group rehearsed and recorded seven songs at the BBC’s Piccadilly Studios, in London. When the session was over, I believe Paul informed John of his impending nuptials—probably so John wouldn’t hear it somewhere else, if word got out.

At this point, I speculate, John issued Paul an ultimatum: If he married Jane, he would lose John and the Beatles. Their relationship would be through. And the band would be through.

A Failed Elopement

Paul McCartney’s elopement with Jane Asher started as inauspiciously as it possibly could have. During the five-hour car ride from the airport in Lisbon to the Algarve (Portugal’s southernmost region), John’s warning from the previous day must have been ringing in Paul’s ears: He could marry Jane or be a Beatle, but not both. And if John broke up the Beatles because of Paul, then George and Ringo would suffer, too! By the time Paul and Jane arrived in the coastal city of Albufeira, Paul had penned the lyrics to “Yesterday,” on the back of a brown envelope. (The song’s melody had come to him months earlier.)

Yesterday” gives the impression of being a song about lost love. And it is that, to a certain degree. But more significantly, the verses express how Paul was feeling in the midst of an extremely challenging situation. He felt troubled, a fragment of the man who had seemed to have his life all figured out just the day before, wishing he could hide, with the shadow of a terrible choice hanging over him. The bridge to “Yesterday” includes the line, “I said something wrong.” That something was: “I’m marrying Jane Asher.”

A photo of Paul and Jane in a restaurant in Portugal tells an interesting story. Both have their heads turned to face the camera. Jane appears happy and relaxed, with a knowing look in her eye. Paul, wine glass in hand, looks anxious, barely able to muster a tense smile. If you click the image and zoom in, you will see that Jane appears to be wearing a ring on the fourth finger of her right hand. I believe this is her engagement ring—which she feels free to wear here, in this remote location, in the days or hours leading up to her wedding.

Judging from Jane’s expression in the photo, I doubt Paul had shared his conundrum with her yet. But at some point, he must have told her about John’s conditions for the continuance of the Beatles. I can feel Paul’s deep desire to be married and have a family, and to take responsibility for the three children he had already fathered. I imagine he told Jane that he wanted to stick to their plan to get married in Portugal. Perhaps Jane responded, with compassion and humor, that the mood was sort of ruined, and there would be a better time to exchange vows.

Back to Reality

Brian Epstein asked Paul and Jane to return from Portugal a day early so that all four Beatles would be in Britain on June 11, when it was to be announced they were being awarded an honor called Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE). I have the sense that Paul and Jane were relieved to shave a day off the saddest non-honeymoon in history. The following morning, on June 12, the Beatles gathered at Twickenham Film Studios to watch a rough edit of Help! Well, all of them but one: John didn’t show.

News outlets were clamoring for the Beatles’ reactions to the MBE announcement, so a press conference was hastily arranged at the studios. John arrived over an hour late, and only after Brian had retrieved him personally from his home. John explained his tardiness to the 150 assembled reporters:

I set the alarm for eight o’clock and then I just laid there. I thought, “Well, if anyone wants me, they’ll phone me.” The phone went lots of times, but that’s the one I never answer. My own phone didn’t go at all, so I just laid there.

You might hear John’s excuse and think, “That John Lennon—what a quirky fellow.” But I believe his absence was entirely deliberate. He didn’t want to see Paul. He thought, “Paul is married, and the Beatles don’t exist anymore.”

Two days later, on the evening of June 14, Paul recorded the song for which he finally had lyrics: “Yesterday.” That afternoon, the group had recorded two other songs featuring Paul: “I’ve Just Seen a Face” and “I’m Down.” This latter track contains the line, “Man buys ring, woman throws it away”—clearly a reference to Paul’s ill-fated elopement with Jane. But Paul and Jane weren’t broken up. After the “Yesterday” session ended, at 10 p.m., they went to a nightclub in South Kensington together. Nevertheless, the fact that John was essentially holding the Beatles hostage must have imposed a serious strain on their relationship.

Paul’s Three “Women”

Toward the end of 1965, Paul McCartney wanted to write a song for Jane Asher called “Woman.” He made several attempts, resulting in at least three songs with that title. One “Woman” would be recorded by the British pop duo Peter and Gordon, while Paul was still alive, with his full permission and—hopefully—apologies. It’s not very good. Perhaps the most redeemable lines are as follows:

Woman, don’t forsake me
Woman, if you take me
Then believe me, I’ll take you
To be my woman

Peter Asher and Gordon Waller did a lovely job with the song, taking it to the top twenty in the United States. These two souls, during the English Renaissance, had been instrumental in preserving the plays of Shakespeare for posterity; so, the least Paul could do was pass along a few tunes. (The earlier “A World Without Love” was a much better gift.)

Two other songs of Paul’s called “Woman” were stolen, after his death, by different artists. John Lennon recorded one of them for his album Double Fantasy (1980). As a single, it reached the top spot in the UK and peaked at number two in the United States. I believe this “Woman” was the one Paul wanted to write for Jane. I think he was satisfied that it expressed what was in his heart.

And what of the third “Woman”? Paul’s brother, Mike, put his name on it, recorded it, and released it as the haunting title track of his 1972 album Woman. Here’s the weird, gross, funny part: The song is intensely intimate, intended to be shared only between lovers—yet Mike’s mother is on the album cover, representing “Woman.” (Of course, Mary McCartney was Paul’s mum, too.) This is not a song about one’s mother. I can’t imagine that the sexual imagery could have been misinterpreted. Here’s the first line: “Woman, I want to go down and drown in you.” The absurdity takes a bit of the sting out of the fraternal betrayal.

A Christmas Promise

I have no proof of the scenario presented in this section, but working back from the larger story, it makes sense to me.

On Christmas morning, 1965, Paul McCartney serenaded Jane Asher with the song “Woman,” as a renewal of his proposal and of their plan to marry. But which “Woman” do you think it was?

  1. The so-so one that Peter and Gordon turned into a respectable song
  2. The expressive one that John Lennon made famous
  3. The erotic one that Paul’s brother recorded

If you guessed number 2, you’re right. If you guessed number 3, you’re making me laugh right now. Indeed, lyrics from the “Woman” Paul sang to Jane on Christmas Day sound very much at home in a marriage proposal:

  • “I’m forever in your debt”
  • “Hold me close to your heart”
  • “My life is in your hands”
  • “It is written in the stars”
  • “I love you…now and forever”

Paul had essentially said, “Sod the Beatles. Let’s just do it.” Jane accepted. By the way, that’s the risk of dating a musician: at the holidays, you’re likely to get a song instead of a real gift.

I read somewhere that Jane Asher’s favorite song is “Woman”—the one recorded by Peter and Gordon. Peter Asher, of Peter and Gordon, is Jane’s brother. And the song was written by her fiancé. So, the choice makes sense. But I like to think that when Jane mentions her favorite song, she is secretly nodding to the “Woman” Paul crooned to her to persuade her to marry him.

Later that day, Jane and Paul traveled from her family’s home in London to be with his relatives in and around Liverpool.

How Paul McCartney Broke His Tooth

Fifty-nine years ago today, on December 26, 1965, John Lennon savagely attacked his bandmate Paul McCartney in a fit of jealousy—breaking Paul’s left front tooth and causing multiple lacerations. I know, I could have told you that right at the top. But I think you’ll appreciate having the foregoing information as you read my speculative dramatization of what happened:

On the day after Christmas, 1965, Paul McCartney and his fiancée, Jane Asher, were at Paul’s father’s house, in Heswall, on the Wirral Peninsula. The festive mood was made even jollier by talk of the future nuptials of two so dear to all who were present.

There was a knock on the door. It was John Lennon. He hadn’t been expected. He wanted to talk to Paul alone, upstairs. He didn’t say why.

The bedroom door closed behind them.

“Is it true?” John asked, quietly. “Is the rumor I heard true?”

“Yes,” Paul said. “It’s true.” He wanted to sound confident, to look John in the eye. But there was a tremor in his voice; his look was askance.

Instantly, a rage rose inside John. He started pummeling Paul, who was too busy defending himself to get off any shots of his own.

“Stop!” Paul cried. “John, stop!” He was scared. He thought his bandmate might kill him.

John hurled insults as he punched Paul in the mouth, the nose, the eye.

Those gathered downstairs became aware of raised voices and a commotion coming from the floor above. They burst in. John ceased his attack.

“Get out of here, Lennon!” snarled Jim, Paul’s father. “I never liked your sort.”

John left. It was obvious that Paul was going to live. Mike McCartney fetched his camera, to document his brother’s injuries—in case charges were to be filed.

Paul went to Accident and Emergency. The doctor on duty, as he put several stitches inside Paul’s mouth, inquired delicately of his famous patient: “You’re not the ‘cute one,’ are you?”

As they say, comedy is tragedy plus time. I should note that Paul sustained injuries to the left side of his face, consistent with the fact that John was right-handed. In a future post, I will describe John’s history of violent acts, including an earlier incident motivated by jealousy over Paul—with even more dire consequences.

A number of years ago, I noted something Ruth McCartney said in an essay that appears in her mother’s memoir Your Mother Should Know (by Angie McCartney). Ruth, Paul’s much younger sister, relates a memory of “John and Paul arguing out a song together in the attic at Cavendish Avenue,” referring to Paul’s home in London. Ruth would have been five years old when John Lennon attacked her brother. Is it possible she has misremembered Jim McCartney’s house as Paul’s house? And the “argument” she heard was John Lennon beating up Paul McCartney? Maybe, as a little girl, she was told that Paul and her uncle John had been fighting about a song.

Mike McCartney took a picture of his father and titled it “Dad doing his Crossword.” I can’t link to it, but I will describe it to you: Jim McCartney sits in an armchair, in a wood-paneled room, his newspaper in front of him. Behind him is a shelf-like projection, possibly the mantel of a fireplace. On this mantel rests a photo of the Beatles, propped up next to what appears to be a framed music award. When I first saw this image, I noticed something strange: There were only three Beatles in the photo on the mantel. I could make out George and Paul, with Ringo in front of Paul. But where was John? His visage must have been hidden (deliberately?) behind the framed music award.

Just a Jealous Guy

Any musician who has covered the song “Jealous Guy” (such as Joe Cocker, Roxy Music, or the Weeknd) has paid tribute to the time John Lennon beat the crap out of Paul McCartney. If you want to know what happened that day, “Jealous Guy” offers some clues:

  • “My heart was beating fast”
  • “I was tryin’ to catch your eyes / Thought that you was tryin’ to hide”
  • “I began to lose control”
  • “I was feeling insecure / You might not love me anymore”
  • “I was swallowing my pain”

Here’s the twisty part: Paul wrote “Jealous Guy” from John’s perspective, for him to sing. Which John did, on his Imagine album (1971).

When I made the connection between “Jealous Guy” and the photo of Paul’s battered face, I felt gratified. At least John had apologized, even if Paul was no longer alive to hear him:

I didn’t mean to hurt you
I’m sorry that I made you cry
I didn’t want to hurt you
I’m just a jealous guy

But then I studied the lyrics. Metrically, the verses were perfectly regular, making it unlikely John had written them. In a previous post, I made the case that the original Paul McCartney was the sole composer of virtually the entire Beatles’ catalog—and many of the members’ best-known solo hits. “Jealous Guy” appears to be one of them. It fits Paul’s “songwriting fingerprint” exactly.

I was confused: Why would Paul have taken his abuser’s point of view? I came up with several possible reasons:

  1. He was accustomed to writing songs for his bandmates.
  2. Writers take inspiration where they can find it.
  3. To control the narrative of a situation in which he had felt helpless.
  4. To help him find compassion for John.
  5. To craft the thoughtful apology he wished to hear from John.

In the third verse of “Getting Better,” on the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper album (1967), John admits exactly what he did: “I used to be cruel to my woman / I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved.” Paul had left “Getting Better” unfinished, but it was clearly about John—that “angry young man.” John filled in the third verse after Paul died.

O My Prophetic Song!

John Lennon’s physical violence against Paul McCartney was foreshadowed—even predicted—by a song on the Beatles’ Rubber Soul album (1965). “Run for Your Life,” with lead vocals by John, is a truly horrifying anthem to domestic abuse. Paul lifted the first two lines, “I’d rather see you dead, little girl / Than to be with another man,” directly from a 1957 Elvis Presley song. Paul must have thought these words encapsulated John’s feelings toward him.

Below are the three unique verses of “Run for Your Life,” followed by its chorus, so you can see how chillingly prescient they were:

I’d rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or you won’t know where I am

Well, you know that I’m a wicked guy
And I was born with a jealous mind
And I can’t spend my whole life trying
Just to make you toe the line

Let this be a sermon
I mean everything I’ve said
Baby, I’m determined
And I’d rather see you dead

You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand, little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end, little girl

Clearly, Paul understood the danger of John’s jealousy. Was “Run for Your Life” a cry for help? Was Paul saying to John, “Look what you’re doing!”? Was he saying to others, “Can’t you imagine what he is capable of?”

Twenty-three days after “Run for Your Life” was released on Rubber Soul, John delivered on the song’s promise.

Broken Tooth, Broken Up

Five days after their altercation, John Lennon and Paul McCartney attended separate New Year’s Eve parties. Five days after that, on January 5, the Beatles were in the studio overdubbing a concert they had performed in New York City the previous summer; footage of the show was to be released as a television movie. The high in London that day was 3.9 degrees Celsius, or 39 degrees Fahrenheit. I have to imagine the atmosphere inside the studio was just as chilly.

A few weeks later, on January 21, George Harrison married Pattie Boyd, whom he had met two years earlier, on the set of A Hard Day’s Night. Paul McCartney and Brian Epstein were George’s best men. At the wedding, Paul’s outward wounds appeared to have healed; but he seemed to be nursing the inward ones with a bit too much alcohol. John and Ringo did not attend, as they were on holiday together with their wives. I think Ringo might have been keeping John busy, and away from Paul. And I like to think that George had threatened John with grievous bodily injury if he ever harmed Paul again.

For the first quarter of 1966, the Beatles were essentially broken up—or at least experimenting with a separation. Additional highlights of this period include the U.S. and UK releases of Peter and Gordon’s “Woman” (January 10 and February 11, respectively); the Beatles’ ten Grammy nominations (February 13); John’s famous “We’re more popular than Jesus” comment (March 4); and a holiday for Paul and Jane in Switzerland (March 6 to March 20).

Spring brought a thawing of relations. On March 24, all four Beatles, with their partners, attended the première of the movie Alfie, in which Jane Asher had a role. The following day, John, Paul, George, and Ringo participated in a photo shoot for the controversial cover of their compilation album Yesterday and Today (1966)—an odd and unsettling collection of songs, if you ask me (but you didn’t).

Paul and John resumed socializing; on April 1, they visited the newly opened Indica Books & Gallery, in which Paul was an investor. Five days later, on April 6, the Beatles were back in the studio, to begin recording the album that would become Revolver (1966).

Little Darling

I believe that Paul McCartney wrote “Here Comes the Sun” during this period (the early spring of 1966). The Beatles would record it after his death, with George singing lead, for the Abbey Road album (1969). In “Here Comes the Sun,” the cold of winter gives way to the warmth of spring—a metaphor Paul uses to represent the thawing of the frostiness between him and John, and within the group as a whole.

The first verse of “Here Comes the Sun” establishes that “it’s been a long, cold, lonely winter.” John had assaulted Paul at the beginning of winter, and the intervening three months were clearly long, cold, and lonely. But Paul is noting a transition out of this frigid season in their relationship: “I feel that ice is slowly melting.” Indeed, a sense of ease is coming back: “The smile’s returning to the faces.” The chorus concludes with Paul’s view of where things stand now: “I say, ‘It’s all right.’”

I’d like to share a relatively recent story about “Here Comes the Sun.” On November 12, 2020, I was driving my dog Grace to puppy camp, for socialization during the coronavirus pandemic. The radio was tuned to NPR, National Public Radio. A story came on about how hospitals in largely rural North Dakota were at capacity due to COVID-19. The show’s host, David Greene, was interviewing the chief medical officer at the state’s largest hospital, who described the heartbreak of losing patients to the virus. The medical officer concluded:

On the upside, we play the song “Here Comes the Sun” any time we have a patient leave the unit or get discharged. And that brings a bit of a smile to people’s faces, and the patients like hearing that.

As the story ended, “Here Comes the Sun” came up. Of course, I wept. It was gratifying to hear that after all these years, my words still meant something to someone. “Yet part of me was frustrated,” I noted in my journal, “that the world believes—and probably always will—that George Harrison wrote that song.”

Same Time, Next Year

When Paul McCartney and Jane Asher got engaged for the second time, on Christmas Day, 1965, they planned to marry exactly one year later. How could I possibly know such a thing? I think I’m about to impress you with my sleuthing—with the caveat that I don’t know for sure that I’m right. Here we go.

In 1980, in Bermuda, John Lennon recorded a demo of “Grow Old with Me.” You guessed it: Paul wrote this one, too. I can’t tell if Paul intended the composition as a poem or a song; John might have provided the melody heard in the recording. Paul borrowed the first two lines of “Grow Old with Me” from a Robert Browning poem. Paul’s first verse reads as follows:

Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one

The remaining verses are equally romantic. But it’s the bridge that provides an important clue:

Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end

Please try to overlook the outdated expression “man and wife.” It’s the repeated phrase “world without end” that’s important to our investigation. When I read it, I connected it instantly with a favorite Shakespearean monologue of mine, from Love’s Labour’s Lost. In that speech, marriage is characterized as a “world-without-end bargain”—an agreement that lasts forever, so it shouldn’t be entered into hastily (“in heat of blood”). The characters decide to wait a year (“until the twelve celestial signs / Have brought about the annual reckoning”), and if they still feel the same, they will wed:

Then, at the expiration of the year,
Come challenge me, challenge me by these deserts,
And, by this virgin palm now kissing thine
I will be thine…

Were Paul and Jane inspired by Love’s Labour’s Lost to wait a year before exchanging vows? Or did they plan their wedding for one year hence and then recall Shakespeare’s “world-without-end bargain”? Either way, the phrase was top of mind when Paul wrote “Grow Old with Me,” about his lifelong commitment with Jane.

Two years ago, I posted my song about the engagement of Paul and Jane. I didn’t think anyone would understand “The Christmas After This” (video below), especially without knowing the inspiration behind it—which you now do! But then my mom left me the following voicemail, which also references a poem I wrote for my uncle’s birthday:

Hi, Karen. This is your mother speaking. I just had to call you and tell you how much I appreciated the song for Christmas. And, um, I’m just amazed at your talent. And, um, and also, the poem for Stanley was absolutely beautiful. And I’m so proud of what you do, and, um, it’s just amazing to me. You are so talented. And I just wanted to tell you that and to tell you how much I love you. Okay, sweetheart, bye-bye.

I’m glad I wasn’t able to get to the phone at that moment, because now I have a recording of my mother’s sweet words.

Mom’s Voicemail re: the Song for Christmas

Paul McCartney and Jane Asher would not grow old together. Paul died eleven weeks before their wedding day. But that didn’t stop him from writing a song, in his next lifetime, to honor their relationship.

The Christmas After This

Lyrics:

All hark ye, park thee round the tree
To mark this merry comedy

Since we met
I’m in your debt
Now lend me your ear

Take my word
Let it be heard
How I need you here

Next Christmas
We’ll reminisce this
As both
Our troth
Do swear

The Christmas after this one
The Christmas after this, hon
The Christmas after this

A halo round a moonless stone
A glistering to gild your own

Take this ring
We’ll do our thing
For just one more year

Take a chance
On our romance
Forge a new frontier

Next Christmas
We’ll reminisce this
As both
Our troth
Do swear

The Christmas after this one
The Christmas after this, hon
The Christmas after this

An old guitar, romantic jargon
To seal a world-without-end bargain

[Hummed verse]

Take this song
And dream along
With your balladeer

[Instrumental pre-chorus and chorus]

A dress of wool, a suit of lace (“That’s backwards!”)
An oath beside the fireplace (“Egad, that’s hot!”)
Some nog for toasting, “Cheerio!”
A snog beneath the mistletoe

Take my hand
And it is planned
Yea, our day is near

Take my heart
We’ll never part
Nay, nor never fear

Next Christmas
We’ll reminisce this
As both (as both)
Our troth (our troth)
Do swear

I will be thine
Take all that’s mine

The Christmas after this one
The Christmas after this, hon
The Christmas after this

The Christmas after this kiss
The Christmas after this bliss
The Christmas after this

CREDITS: The photo at the top of this post is a screenshot I took of the Beatles’ promotional video for “Paperback Writer.” Many thanks to the photographers who took the pictures that appear in my video for “The Christmas After This.” Henry Grossman took the pictures of Paul McCartney and Jane Asher on the set of Help!

You May Say I’m a Dreamer

In my last post, I said that in my next post, I would tell you how the original Paul McCartney broke his left front tooth—which is to say, who broke it for him. But now is not the time for that story.

People remember where they were when they heard John Lennon had been shot and killed—a shocking event that took place forty-four years ago today, on the evening of Monday, December 8, 1980. Many Americans found out while watching Monday Night Football. As the game was winding down, the commentators in the booth—Howard Cosell, Frank Gifford, and Don Meredith—received word of Lennon’s death.

Cosell had interviewed Lennon several times and been friendly with him. The legendary sports broadcaster questioned the appropriateness of disclosing, against the backdrop of an athletic contest, the music icon’s passing. But during a timeout, with three seconds left in regulation, and prompted by Gifford, Cosell made the following announcement:

Remember, this is just a football game, no matter who wins or loses. An unspeakable tragedy, confirmed to us by ABC News in New York City: John Lennon, outside of his apartment building on the West Side of New York City—the most famous, perhaps, of all of the Beatles—shot twice in the back, rushed to Roosevelt Hospital. Dead on arrival.

Cosell then offered a poignant segue: “Hard to go back to the game after that news flash.” The Miami Dolphins would win in overtime, beating the New England Patriots 16 to 13.

As for me, I have a precise recollection of where I was when I learned John Lennon had died—or do I?

Where Was I When I Heard?

When John Lennon was a forty-year-old former Beatle living in Manhattan, I was a twelve-year-old girl living in Encino, a suburb of Los Angeles. On the morning after Lennon’s murder, I found myself in Miss Brown’s classroom. Ellen Brown, my fifth-grade teacher, had short, wavy hair. She was in her twenties, from my best guess now. I remember her as petite, close in stature to some of her students. I admired many of my teachers growing up; Miss Brown, especially, fostered my creativity. She continues to hold a very special place in my heart.

That Tuesday morning, Miss Brown picked up a newspaper from her desk. She blurted out, “John Lennon died last night!” She was shaken. A frantic energy filled the room—where I didn’t seem quite to belong, like I was just floating through. When Miss Brown uttered John Lennon’s name, I recognized it as that of a rock musician. At the time, I was unsure about rock music. My parents listened to the Carpenters, Barry Manilow, and Johnny Mathis; I had the sense that rock was edgy, dark, and dangerous. Such were my thoughts in the moment I found out John Lennon had died.

But there’s a problem with the scenario I just described: It couldn’t possibly have occurred within the rules generally accepted as governing the material world. You see, in December 1980, I was in the seventh grade, not the fifth; and I was enrolled at a different school. I hadn’t been one of Miss Brown’s pupils since June 1979. Yet I can still register the shock and distress in her voice as she announced John Lennon had died. I know I’m recalling something that actually happened; at the same time, the memory must be false.

When I heard (again) about John Lennon’s murder, I had a sense of déjà vu: “Wasn’t he dead already?”

I wonder if Ellen Brown is still teaching. I wonder if she remembers where she was when she found out John Lennon had been slain—and if that location was a small elementary school in the San Fernando Valley, in the room where she taught fifth grade.

Paul’s Posthumous Eulogy at John’s Imaginary Funeral

With John Lennon’s passing, thirty-seven-year-old George Harrison lost his third Beatle brother: Paul McCartney had died fourteen years earlier, in 1966. Stuart Sutcliffe, the fledgling group’s original bassist, had perished four years before that, in 1962. But in the eyes of the world, John Lennon was the first Beatle to “shuffle off this mortal coil.” Had Paul McCartney been alive at the time, and delivered his bandmate’s eulogy, he undoubtedly would have quoted Shakespeare, annoyingly, just like that.

John Lennon didn’t have a funeral. Therefore, he didn’t have a traditional eulogy. Four years ago today, on the fortieth anniversary of John’s death, I felt inspired to write such a commendatory oration—as if spoken by Paul now. Or four years ago. (When you read it, try to maintain a very casual relationship with time.) I didn’t finish it. I barely started it. You might think of it as the first page of Paul McCartney’s eulogy for John Lennon—dropped as Paul left the podium, picked up by an audience member, and now mounted and framed and being auctioned by Sotheby’s with a starting bid of $90,000.

A eulogy probably shouldn’t require footnotes, but to appreciate Paul’s hilarious opening remark, you’ll need the following backstory: John and Paul knew each other before, in the 1800s, in London. They were a married couple—practitioners of the literary arts. Their union was free from neither drama nor heartache. Ringo was their only child, out of four, to survive past the age of three. George was there, too, as a poet and artist who worked with Paul’s mother. All would go on to have Wikipedia articles written about them, as figures of the Romantic Period.

The rest of this section has been taken almost verbatim from my journal entry on December 8, 2020. I have made some minor edits for clarity.

***

So, imagine twenty-four-year-old Paul McCartney (conveniently frozen in time at the age he died) in a black suit and tie with a crisp white shirt, dark hair skimming his brows. He approaches the microphone in an enormous hall: open casket…John Lennon’s beautiful hair…an embarrassment of flowers…friends and lovers, celebrities, celebrity friends and lovers. Paul brings up a guitar and leans it against something. Is he going to play “Yesterday”?

Paul’s eyes are cast down, lips pressed tight, making his cheeks seem round and full. He is clean-shaven, but a five o’clock shadow is already forming—and it’s only 10 a.m. He raises his large hazel eyes to look toward the back, not at anyone in particular. But then he takes a breath, makes eye contact with people around the room. His eyes brighten and his brows rise as he meets the gaze of an individual mourner; his mouth relaxes into a smile qualified by grief. He clears his throat and begins.

John Lennon was the love of my lives. That’s a little reincarnation humour. Nothing? Is this thing on? [tap, tap]

Yesterday, I read an article saying that although John Lennon “could be mean and nasty,” he was an idealistic pacificist because he wrote “Imagine” and “Revolution.”

“No!” I wanted to scream. “I wrote those songs! He STOLE them from me! Paul McCartney is the idealistic pacifist!” I recognize the irony in the vitriol of my response. But is that what a friend does? Claim authorship for your songs? Shortly before his death, John gave Yoko partial credit for writing “Imagine.” I think the guilt was getting to him, and he wanted to share it—to make someone else complicit with him.

The reason John Lennon is an enigma, the reason he appears so self-contradictory, the reason you still won’t understand him forty years from now, is that our legacies have become comingled, his and mine. Hopelessly and irrevocably comingled, I fear, in history and in the common perception. But even when you parse out his contributions from mine, his penchants from mine, his philosophies from mine, enigma remains.

John Lennon was a man who liked cats. Kittens, too, although everyone likes those. After I died, he purchased two kittens and gave them to my replacement, as a sort of housewarming gift. John named the baby felines Pyramus and Thisbe, after the two characters from A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM that he and I portrayed on TV. So, yes, ouch.

Did you know those glasses he made famous didn’t help him see?

I’m not worried about tarnishing John’s memory. He has loyal fans, and they won’t stop loving him. Nor should they. I haven’t.

The Word Is Love

When I found out, as a preteen in Southern California, that John Lennon had been fatally wounded, I had no idea he and I were once Beatles together, making the music of which I was now wary. When John, Paul, George, and Ringo came together in the 1950s and early 1960s, they didn’t realize they had known each other, either personally or peripherally, more than a hundred years earlier. But I’m willing to bet they felt familiar, even like family—at least on a subconscious level. As a sidenote, Paul and George had also been parent and child in Elizabethan England, and spouses in Biblical times.

So, what’s the point of all this coming and going, this leaving and returning, only to meet up again with the same souls—wearing different clothes, doing different jobs, navigating different circumstances, in different parts of the world? Love. Love is not the “official” purpose of reincarnation, which has more to do with karma and the settling of old scores. But it’s the purpose I choose, and the purpose anyone can choose. To feel, and to invite others to feel—love. Love, in its multiple expressions: peace, joy, unity. These may sound like ideals to be realized only fleetingly, if at all—but they are, in truth, the only reality.

Paul appears to have penned at least the verses to “Imagine” in New York City, possibly during the Beatles’ first visit. He would have been twenty-one at the time. When Paul was growing up in Liverpool, America must have seemed a very distant place. But here he was, and the world was suddenly close—and small, really. And filled with people just like the ones at home. Perhaps such thoughts inspired “Imagine,” in which Paul voices a wish for global unity: “Imagine all the people sharing all the world.” He hopes everyone will join him in “a brotherhood of man.” One might interpret such sentiments as idealistic. But I would argue they are perfectly realistic. Only love will save the world. Can you think of anything else that will?

In “Imagine,” Paul acknowledges his own seeming idealism: “You may say I’m a dreamer.” But in the next line (“But I’m not the only one”), he lets us know he is aware of others just like him. And you can choose, at any time, to be among them.

Paul McCartney wrote a lot of songs about love: “She Loves You,” “Love Me Do,” “P.S. I Love You,” “It’s Only Love,” “All My Loving,” “And I Love Her,” “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away,” “Can’t Buy Me Love,” “Love You To,” “A World Without Love,” “Love,” “My Love,” “Oh My Love,” “Real Love,” “Silly Love Songs”—and these are just the ones with “love” in the title. I think we can assume love was very important to Paul, that he thought it was the answer—to probably anything. In “The Word,” Paul identifies love as his way of being, and as the way:

Spread the word and you’ll be free
Spread the word and be like me
Spread the word I’m thinking of
Have you heard the word is love?…

Give the word a chance to say
That the word is just the way
It’s the word I’m thinking of
And the only word is love

Perhaps the song that sums up Paul’s philosophy most succinctly is “All You Need Is Love.” It was performed by the Beatles at EMI Studios on June 25, 1967, for a live satellite television production seen by more than 400 million people in 25 countries. Even I am astonished by how much Paul’s replacement resembles him, at times, in this video. But don’t overlook the two “Paul is dead” clues uttered by John toward the end (“Yesterday,” at 3:12; and, “Loved you, yeah, yeah, yeah / We loved you, yeah, yeah, yeah,” at 3:22).

I daresay you’d be on solid ground to decry the cover-up of Paul McCartney’s death and the plunder of his musical archive as morally indefensible. But during the four minutes of the broadcast of “All You Need Is Love,” one in eight people on Earth heard Paul’s simple and heartfelt message. And that means a lot.

CREDIT: The photo at the top of this post shows John Lennon holding a cat backstage at Shea Stadium, in New York City, on August 5, 1965. Photo by Bob Whitaker/Getty Images. Borrowed without permission but with tremendous gratitude. The article referenced in Paul’s eulogy can be found here.

My Heart Will Lead Me Home

I’m pretty sure this blog post is haunted, because it completely disappeared yesterday while I was working on it. Poof! A little while later, it rematerialized. Spooky!

Halloween marks a time for remembering the dead and for celebrating the macabre, so it seems a fitting occasion on which to recount the rather gruesome passing of Paul McCartney, fifty-eight years ago this month.

In my last two posts, I talked about the burial of the original Paul McCartney, his replacement by a lookalike, and his contributions to the Beatles both before and after his death. In these discussions, I attempted to substantiate my assertions with compelling proof. Not so much with today’s post. In developing a theory of how Paul McCartney died, I have relied on psychic impressions, dreams, and flimsy circumstantial evidence.

The Psychic Who Spotted the Difference

My first peek into how Paul McCartney died came in 2018, during a session with my creative coach. I was working with Ziva (not her real name) to self-publish a collection of my blog posts. In addition to being an inspiring guide, Ziva was an intuitive; that is, she was able to access information beyond what is knowable through the traditional five senses. Aware of this talent, I decided to ask her about some strange things that had been happening around the house—curiosities that began shortly after I realized the original Paul McCartney had very likely been replaced.

First, I asked Ziva if she was familiar with the “Paul is dead” urban legend. She laughed. A bit daunted by her apparent skepticism, I produced a sheet of paper on which I had printed side-by-side photos of Paul and his replacement. I was prepared to point out the fine distinctions in their appearances—in face shape, eye color, and the way their hair fell. But I didn’t have to. After studying the page for a few seconds, Ziva announced, “They’re not the same person. They have completely different energies.”

I disclosed to Ziva some of the odd experiences I’d been having of late: intense crying spells; the frequent feeling that there was a being near me, either hovering or directly behind me; the irrational fear that a bloodied Paul McCartney might emerge from the darkness of the backyard when I took the dogs out at night to do their business. I told Ziva about a thought I’d had on the evening of June 3, 2018. As I reported the occasion in my journal:

I was washing the dishes and putting them on the drying rack. I felt like I needed to know what was going on. In my mind, I said, “If there is someone there, give me a sign. But don’t scare me!”

Three days later, on June 6, 2018, I received the first physical sign that something was going on:

I decided to rent Ron Howard’s documentary of the Beatles’ touring years, EIGHT DAYS A WEEK. I remember getting furious at the interview segments with Sir Paul McCartney (whom I strongly suspected was a replacement at that time). His eyes were so green in that movie… It was so obvious, on a gut level, that this guy was a poser. I said out loud, to the screen, “[Something unkind].” Then the lights in the living room, where I was watching the movie, began to flicker. These are six recessed lights. They continued to flicker, with varying degrees of intensity, for the rest of the movie and for a while after. I tried to adjust the dimmer switch to make it stop, but it didn’t. I wondered if the soul of the original Paul McCartney was causing the electrical disturbance. But I remember thinking, “This seems like a John Lennon kind of thing to do.”

Near the very end of that movie [EIGHT DAYS A WEEK], there’s a phrase that comes on the screen: “Three months later,” meaning, three months after the end of the Beatles’ American tour [in August 1966]. The film then presents the Beatles in the studio, recording “Strawberry Fields Forever,” I think. I was frozen [on the couch], and then I broke out in gut-wrenching sobs. How could Ron Howard say, “Three months later”? Didn’t he know what happened in those three months? The original Paul McCartney died and was replaced! You can’t just say, “Three months later.” I still don’t understand how biographers and documentarians miss the fact that there were two different Paul McCartneys.

(Rereading this journal entry, I am struck by how much more anger I used to have about the situation.)

After I shared the foregoing information with Ziva, she said she was going to try to “tune in” and find out how Paul McCartney died. I felt excited and a little panicked by this idea; whatever was happening, it was moving along quickly now! I interjected that the prevailing theory among those in the “Paul is dead” community was that Paul had died in a car crash. But that’s not what Ziva saw at all.

How Paul McCartney Died

My clairvoyant creative coach, in her mind’s eye, saw Paul stepping down and losing his footing because the ground was wet—an action that led to his death. Over time, a fuller picture developed around this premise. I will reveal how I arrived at some of the details in a little bit. But first, I will tell the tale of how Paul McCartney died as if it is fact, and in the spirit of a good, old-fashioned Halloween story:

On a mild October evening, Paul McCartney ran a bath. It was the Swinging Sixties, but the famous bass player was staying in. He was alone in the house—except for Knickers, the sheepdog puppy he had acquired several months earlier. Knickers could be heard howling for Paul, from another room, during a radio interview that aired shortly before the Beatles flew to America for their final tour.

Paul didn’t know it was the night he would die—that the moments leading up to his last would be spent drawing a bath. He was naked. And a little high on marijuana. Had he been able to see into the very near future, he would have wished for a temporary reprieve from gravity—such that water might not pool, or a man might fall up.

Paul lowered himself into the filled tub.

“Bugger!” he swore aloud. He had left his watch on. He considered removing it and putting it on the floor. But Knickers was there, keeping him company. She might think it was a toy—and treat it as such. Paul figured he should place the timepiece safely on the counter, next to the sink.

Paul stood up. He stepped completely over the lip of the tub, which was wide enough to sit on. Regrettably, he slipped on the patterned tiles below and fell back in the direction of the bath. Vertically lining the wall behind the tub were several shiny knobs. Paul’s head made contact with this hardware before he landed, face down, in the water.

Unconscious, he drowned peacefully.

Now outside his body, Paul comforted Knickers. She sensed his presence. On Paul’s submerged watch, the halted hands showed 9:09. As a teenager, Paul had written a ditty called “One After 909,” about a woman and a locomotive. The Beatles performed this song in the early days—at the Cavern Club, in Liverpool; and at the Star-Club, in Hamburg. But there was no train coming after 909; for Paul, 9:09 was the end of the line.

Paul had been expecting company that Sunday night, in the form of his future brother-in-law, Peter Asher, of Peter and Gordon. Paul had written the British pop duo’s debut single, “A World Without Love,” which reached the top spot in the U.K., the United States, and elsewhere.

When Peter arrived at the house, to meet with Paul about a musical matter, he knocked on the front door. Getting no answer, he let himself in; he had the key on him because his sister lived at the same address. Peter called out for Paul. Receiving no response, he began to look from room to room. There were lights on, like someone was home.

Ultimately, Peter discovered Paul in the upstairs bathroom. Knickers was still stationed by her master, where he lay in the bloody water. Peter turned Paul over. It seemed too late; but, of course, an ambulance was summoned. Peter also called his sister Jane, who was in Bristol to rehearse a play; he told her that her fiancé appeared mostly dead.

The ambulance came and took Paul to the hospital. Peter followed. Jane left right away, but London is a drive of several hours from Bristol. For privacy reasons, Peter asked for the Beatle’s identity to be kept quiet. At the hospital, it was confirmed that Paul was quite dead. When Jane arrived, she was devastated.

At this point, it was around midnight. Jane phoned the house of Paul’s father, in Heswall, near Liverpool. She had the lamentable task of waking Jim McCartney from his sleep and telling him that his elder son had died. The line was ringing. Jim’s wife, Angie, picked up. Jane said she had some terrible news and asked to speak to Jim.

In the morning, England awoke to the shocking headline: “Paul McCartney, Beatle, Dead at Twenty-Four.” It seemed like an awful dream. The queen declared a national day of mourning to allow for reflection upon the life of this young man, who had brought so much pride and joy to the nation. As word spread, Beatles fans around the globe grieved the loss of one-quarter of the world’s most famous band.

But nothing in that last paragraph actually happened. Paul’s death would go completely unnoticed by the public—as it largely remains.

A little over a week after he suffocated on his own bathwater, Paul McCartney was buried in an unmarked grave. He was wearing the watch that stopped when he did.

I didn’t want to interrupt the story with supporting links, so here they are:

  • Paul, when he acquired Knickers (in his arms) from the breeder Ann Davis
  • Knickers, howling during a BBC radio interview that aired August 6, 1966. (The howls start at 6:30 and continue for a while; they resume at 8:14, with an imitation by John and an apology from Paul.)
  • Paul’s replacement sitting with baby Mary on the wide lip of the bathtub (sheepdog at the door), in a mirror selfie by Linda McCartney
  • Hardware lining the wall behind Paul’s bathtub, as well as the patterned floor tiles, in a mirror selfie by Linda McCartney (with Paul’s replacement)
  • The Beatles rehearsing “One After 909” at the Cavern Club, in Liverpool, in 1962
  • Peter and Gordon performing “A World Without Love” (written by Paul McCartney), in 1964
  • Jane Asher as Juliet in the Bristol Old Vic Company production of Romeo and Juliet, on November 9, 1966 (exactly one month after Paul’s death)

I was able to flesh out how Paul died, in part, with the help of some dreams I’ve had over the last few years.

Dream Memories of Paul’s Death

If you’ve never heard of a dream memory, it’s probably because I coined the term for my own use, to describe an experience I was having. Here’s my thinking:

  1. The subconscious contains memories of our past lives.
  2. The subconscious fuels our dreams.
  3. Therefore, it is possible to dream about our past lives.

When I have a dream memory from my life as Paul McCartney, I might experience it from Paul’s perspective. Or I might observe it from the outside—even through the eyes of another person in the scene. Sometimes, a dream memory is “pure”; at other times, my thoughts as Karen color my perception. Psychologists are well aware of the symbolic nature of dreams; if you’ve ever dreamt you were walking around naked in public, failing an exam, or losing all your teeth, you’ve come face to face with a classic dream symbol. Similarly, dream memories aren’t always strictly literal.

Please bear these nuances in mind as you read about several dream memories I’ve had concerning the death of Paul McCartney:

DREAM MEMORY #1: At the hospital
Date: 2019 or 2020
Description: This dream memory occurred before I was regularly recording my dreams, but parts of it remain quite vivid. What I remember most was seeing Paul’s face, devastated, through a window in a closed door like they have in hospitals—the ones that swing open. It was like his face was melting or distorting with sadness; his expression was a combination of horror and despair. I wondered if Paul’s soul had followed his body to the hospital and was seeing, now, that nothing could be done to save him. In the same dream, Jane Asher walked across my field of vision; I saw her from above, from the waist up, as she passed at a bit of a downward diagonal, from right to left.

DREAM MEMORY #2: Falling in the bathroom
Date: April 5, 2023
Description (from my journal):

I fed the dogs at 6:00 a.m. When I got back in bed, I turned on SEINFELD. I fell asleep around 6:40 a.m. I dreamt that I was sitting at a computer, absorbed in doing something. Upon reflection, the room and the computer are not familiar to me. Then I remembered I was running the shower. I went into the bathroom, which was the next room. It was my real bathroom, the one here in my house. I kneeled and pulled back the curtain a little. Only a trickle of water was falling. And I couldn’t hear it. I panicked momentarily, worried I was deaf. But then I realized I could hear SEINFELD. (Perhaps I was somewhere between being asleep and being awake, since I could hear the TV in my dream.) I adjusted the faucets.

I found myself standing half outside the shower [which is a shower-tub]. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was naked and crouched over, but where I would typically see my long blonde hair, I saw a dark mass. I was aware of losing consciousness as I started to fall toward the floor, onto my left side. My left eye was already closed, and I struggled to keep my right eye open. But it closed. I thought, “I’m dying.” Then I was all the way on the floor. I was SHOCKED to wake up and find it had been a dream. It was 7:10 a.m. I wondered if Paul had given me a very strange gift—the gift of feeling what it was like to lose consciousness before drowning in the bathtub.

DREAM MEMORY #3: Crying with Jane
Date: October 12, 2023
Description (from my journal):

Later in the morning, in a dream, I felt very sentimental about Jane Asher. I had the thought that I could see in her the girl I once knew… It was a dream memory of Jane Asher—a sad one. It was at the hospital… She was sad and crying. She didn’t know I was standing right next to her, also crying.

Upon reflection, maybe JPM [James Paul McCartney] and I were supposed to take away from this memory that people were actually upset we were gone—since any such emotion would have to have been suppressed, at least publicly.

Thankfully, not all my dream memories of Paul are somber. Last year, I had quite a lighthearted one (an encounter between Paul and his brother)—which I was able to verify with a photograph! But that’s a story for another time.

Flimsy Circumstantial Evidence

In my last post, I shared a photo of what I suspected to be Paul’s grave. Posing at the site are Ringo, Yoko, John, George, and Paul’s replacement. The photo was taken by Linda McCartney, at the McCartneys’ home (formerly Paul’s home), for the sleeve of a Beatles single. On that afternoon in April 1969, Linda also photographed the group in what appears to be an upper-story window. I believe that window marks the room where Paul died.

Here’s what I think happened during that shoot: The group posed in the window of the upstairs bathroom, where Paul had been knocked unconscious and drowned two-and-a-half years earlier. Being in this space prompted John, George, and Ringo to meditate upon the death of their former bandmate, in “yon bathtub.” This emotional state inspired them to mark out Paul’s grave, where it lay in the garden below, using various collected items.

Do we know for sure that the window in the group photo is the window in Paul’s bathroom? A few similarities can be noted:

  • The window in the group photo has curtains; the window in Paul’s bathroom also has curtains.
  • The subjects in the group photo seem to be leaning or kneeling; there appears to be a ledge inside the window of Paul’s bathroom that would have provided the necessary support.

Moving on to a different detail of my story, why did I make Paul’s bathwater bloody? The suggestion came from George Harrison’s own lips. If you play the song “Blue Jay Way” backwards, starting about thirty-eight seconds in, George says, “Paul is bloody” and “Paul is very, very bloody,” over and over. I was going to count how many times, but the extremely clear pronouncement of “Paul is bloody” at 1:20 was enough for me. In addition, Paul’s name is intoned several times, as an eerie background vocal, when “Blue Jay Way” is played forwards (at 1:54, 1:59, 2:04, and 2:10).

Paul wrote “Blue Jay Way” in Los Angeles, in August 1966. He had been separated from his bandmates and dropped off at a borrowed house in the Bird Streets neighborhood of the Hollywood Hills—to be murdered. He was told that John, George, and Ringo would join him later. Paul had already had a very long day of traveling, performing, and cluelessly dodging attempts on his life. Now he was alone, in a remote location, with no protection against the attack of a paid killer. This individual arrived, in the guise of a newspaper reporter. Paul managed to neutralize the assassin, nonviolently, without ever suspecting her original motives.

After the assassin left, surely on her way to be fired, Paul grabbed a piece of stationery (scroll down at the link) and began to write “Blue Jay Way.” The first verse sets up the scene:

There’s a fog upon L.A.
And my friends have lost their way
“We’ll be over soon,” they said
Now they’ve lost themselves instead

Paul had lived to die another day.

Mother Mary’s Passing

Halloween is a day for remembering Mary Patricia McCartney, formerly Mohin, who died on October 31, 1956, at the age of forty-seven. Mary was the wife of Jim McCartney, and the mother of Paul and Mike. Mary had been admitted to the hospital for a mastectomy, which never took place; when the surgeon opened her up, he saw the cancer had spread too far. Mike has been quoted as saying: “I can’t remember the details of the day we were told. All I remember is one of us, I don’t remember who, making a silly joke.” I’m pretty sure it was Paul, being a fool.

In a magazine interview, Paul was upfront regarding his feelings about his mother’s death:

Q: Do you live with your parents?
A: My mum passed away when I was 14, so I live with my dad, who is a cotton salesman now, and brother Mike, in a comfortable private home. I deeply regret that my mum did not live to see me succeed.

From what I’ve read, Paul often mentioned the fact that his mother died when he was young. I don’t think he ever got over her loss, in the ten years he survived her.

Bury Paul in Liverpool

My song “If I Roam (Bury Me in Liverpool)” began, very simply, as instructions for what to do with Paul’s body if it was ever found. Quickly, however, it became an anthem to Paul’s hometown of Liverpool, England.

I have now set the song to photographs taken by Mike McCartney—with a handful taken by his brother, Paul. Below the video, you will find the song’s lyrics, and below those, an important credit.

Next time, I’ll tell you how Paul McCartney really broke his left front tooth, based on clues from primary source materials.


Lyrics:

If I fall and need a hand
Of all the places in the land—
Carry me to Liverpool
Where folks live by the Golden Rule

If the world forgets my name
And I could use some local fame—
Ferry me to Liverpool
Where I grew up and went to school

If I roam, roam, roam
My soul will call me home
If I roam, roam, roam
My heart will lead me home
Lead me home

If I’m feeling gray and sad
Or if I’m feeling fine and glad—
Tarry me in Liverpool
To meet me mates and grab a stool

If you wonder where I’m free
To be myself and very me—
Query me in Liverpool
Where kettles warm and breezes cool

If I roam, roam, roam
My soul will call me home
If I roam, roam, roam
My heart will lead me home
Lead me home

If you like the way I look
And if I kiss not by the book—
Marry me in Liverpool
G’wed and wed in Mersey’s jewel

If I die in London Town
Don’t let them put me in the ground—
Bury me in Liverpool
St. Peter’s, welcome back your fool!

If I roam, roam, roam
My soul will call me home
If I roam, roam, roam
My heart will lead me home
Lead me home (oh-oh)

If I roam, roam, roam
(Roam, roam, roam)
My soul will call me home
If I roam, roam, roam
(Roam, roam, roam)
My heart will lead me home
Lead me home
Lead me home

CREDIT: The image at the top of this post, of the McCartneys’ restored kitchen at 20 Forthlin Road, Liverpool, is from the National Trust Photographic Library, credited to the photographer Dennis Gilbert. I have “borrowed” it without permission; if challenged, I am fully prepared to grovel and beg forgiveness.

A Lonely Man Who’s Just a Little Boy

I want to start by saying that I’m not publishing this series of posts in order to reveal myself as a former Beatle to my friends and loved ones. They are not my audience, necessarily. Rather, I would like to share what I have learned with people who care about, have a curiosity about, and can keep an open mind about what happened to James Paul McCartney.

The original Paul McCartney of the Beatles was buried fifty-eight years ago today, on Tuesday, October 18, 1966—or thereabouts.

As I mentioned in my last post, Paul might have been assassinated on multiple occasions as the Beatles toured America in August 1966. But he got lucky; he lived to return to the U.K. at the end of that month. Sadly, he passed away just thirty-nine days later. There’s a sense of relief that Paul didn’t die in the United States—that his remains weren’t weighted down to the bottom of the East River or dumped in the Mojave Desert, where every passing mile looks the same. He made it back to England, Shakespeare’s “precious stone set in the silver sea.” I think Paul loved the feeling of being at home. In this regard, his burial place was perversely apt.

As I reported last week, when I realized six years ago that Paul McCartney had been replaced, my first thought was, “Where is he?” A person can’t just disappear, right? At the time, I wasn’t sure if Paul had removed himself from society, perished, or met some other fate. Gradually, I came to accept that Paul had died, toward the end of 1966. And if he died, there had to be a body—which had to be somewhere.

Before continuing, I will reiterate a clarification I made in my last post: I am a writer. I am able to distill both flights of fancy and truths into words. Therefore, what is written here might be fiction. Or it might represent reality. Either way, it’s my story.

How I Figured Out Where Paul Is (Probably) Buried

For me, three elements came together to suggest the location of Paul’s corpse: my own reasoning, Paul’s replacement’s memoir, and a photograph from 1969.

At the time of Paul McCartney’s death, in 1966, the members of the Beatles were pursuing separate interests: John was acting in a movie in Spain; Ringo was visiting him there. George was in India, learning how to play the sitar. Paul had attended an awards luncheon in London in mid-September; wherever he was a few weeks later, on October 9 (his final day), he likely would have been focused on preparing songs for the Beatles’ return to the studio.

John’s famous “I buried Paul” message, at the end of “Strawberry Fields Forever,” told me two things: First, there had been a burial service for Paul. Second, John must have traveled from Spain (presumably with Ringo) to witness the interment—and possibly to toss, respectfully, a handful of dirt on the lowered coffin (hence, “I buried Paul”). George, returning from India four days later, would have missed the solemnities. The news was surely a terrible blow: his Beatle brother had died and been buried while he was away.

As I pondered where Paul might have been laid to rest, I asked myself a few questions:

  • Where could Paul’s intimate but star-studded burial service have taken place privately, and unobserved?
  • Where could Paul have been buried anonymously, and without the risk of being unearthed accidentally?

Paul’s replacement was hiding in plain sight, as a member of arguably the most well-known band in the world at that time. Had Paul’s corpse been stashed somewhere similarly obvious? I had a location in mind. Ultimately, my suspicion would be confirmed—with help from the man who took Paul’s place.

In 2009, Paul’s replacement published an account of his life, centering on his experiences with the Beatles, called The Memoirs of Billy Shears. This title borrows from the song “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” in which “Billy Shears” is, I assume, the original Paul’s nickname for William Shakespeare. This assumption is supported by the fact that, on the Sgt. Pepper album, after the title track introduces Billy Shears, it goes straight into “With a Little Help from My Friends”—the first verse of which quotes from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar (“Lend me your ears.”)

In The Memoirs of Billy Shears, Paul’s replacement hints at where Paul is buried. He states:

If it is Paul you are looking for, he is buried in a field of grass pushing up rhododendrons. I am not him.

Paul’s replacement mentions these specific flowers again, in the same context, when he asserts that Paul’s “rotting corpse pushes up daisies, or, in his case, rhododendrons.” (In the first quote, “field of grass” is a reference to Paul’s unfinished song “Mother Nature’s Son,” which the Beatles recorded after his death; the specific line is, “Find me in my field of grass.”)

I must explain that, according to Paul’s replacement, The Memoirs of Billy Shears is a mixture of fact and fiction; indeed, it contains a number of reprehensible lies. The presence of rhododendrons at Paul’s grave, however, appears to be true.

In pinpointing Paul’s burial site by way of rhododendrons, my first promising discovery was of a photo taken in 1980 of Paul’s replacement settled amidst lovely pink flowers that resembled rhododendrons. Eventually, however, I would stumble upon a truly incriminating image, from eleven years earlier, that chilled me to the bone.

A photo snapped in 1969, in a shoot for a non-album Beatles single, shows what I take to be the site of Paul’s grave. In the photo, John, George, Ringo, Yoko Ono, and Paul’s replacement are posing in a garden. Behind the camera is the replacement’s new bride, Linda. Objects collected from the nearby area—stones, overturned flowerpots, a periwinkle blue umbrella, a statue of the Cheshire Cat from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland—are arranged in an oval to suggest the location of Paul’s corpse, six feet down. Because the earth there had been dug up two-and-a-half years earlier, to receive Paul’s coffin, the ground cover within the oval looks less mature than that around it. Most importantly, what appears to be a pink rhododendron bush is visible to the left of the grave. The same flowers seem to peek over John’s left shoulder, as well. As Paul’s replacement implied in his memoir: where you find Paul’s body, you will find rhododendrons.

A Few More Clues for You All

I will stop short of providing an address you can Google, but here are some additional indicators as to where Paul is (likely) buried:

  • John, George, Ringo, and Paul’s replacement recorded Abbey Road and other albums just a stone’s throw (if you have a good arm) from Paul’s grave.
  • If you had a small pet who died, you might bury it in a similar place.
  • Paul’s body might be found someday, if someone decides to put in a swimming pool.
  • Paul’s replacement knew where his predecessor was buried, even though he wouldn’t have attended the burial service.

My hope is that, eventually, enough people will figure out where Paul is (probably) buried that it becomes common knowledge. Then there might be a general call for him to be disinterred—and reburied along with his name.

How Would We Recognize Paul’s Remains?

If we were to find Paul McCartney’s body in an unmarked grave, how would we positively identify it? Presumably, skeletonization has occurred by now. Long gone are the mop of dark brown hair, thick eyelashes, and Cupid’s bow lips. Luckily for us, Paul’s corpse might have a name tag on it—in the form of Paul’s ID bracelet. This trinket, engraved with “Paul,” can be seen on Paul’s left wrist in photos from 1964, including on the sets of The Ed Sullivan Show and A Hard Day’s Night. Paul’s ID bracelet probably wouldn’t have fit his larger-boned replacement, at least not in the same way (pretty loose), so burying it with him might have seemed like a sensible idea at the time; or it could have been a sentimental choice made by Paul’s family. (My song “Silver Bracelet” addresses the possibility that Paul is still wearing his ID bracelet.)

Another distinguishing feature of Paul’s corpse would be a left front tooth that appears to have been broken and repaired. Paul chipped this tooth in an incident in December 1965 (which was not a moped accident, as officially reported). He was said to have feared the dentist, which might be why he didn’t fix the tooth. Five months later, the break is still visible, for example, in the Beatles’ videos for “Rain” (at 0:34, 2:02, and 2:41) and “Paperback Writer” (throughout, but for a lingering closeup that Paul probably didn’t appreciate, see 1:35–1:44). When Paul’s death and replacement were imminent, the tooth was hastily repaired—as his lookalike didn’t also have a chipped left front tooth. Indeed, Paul’s smile appeared intact again on September 13, 1966, at the Melody Maker Awards, in London.

Finally, the location of Paul’s corpse would be a “dead giveaway” (pardon the pun) as to his identity.

What Happened When I Visited Paul’s Grave

At the beginning of 2019, I got as close as I could to Paul’s suspected resting place. The next year, on the fifty-fourth anniversary of Paul’s burial (so, exactly four years ago), I recorded my memories of that day:

On January 18, 2019, I found myself in the part of the world where the original Paul McCartney of the Beatles is buried. (I know the date because of an Instagram post I made that day.) At the time, I was in denial that I had been Paul, though I felt emotionally connected to his story and believed in reincarnation.

While studying Paul’s death and replacement, I had deduced where he was buried. I set out from my hotel on the two-and-a-half-mile walk to the location. The navigation feature on my phone drained the battery, and I became lost. I almost turned around. But then I saw “PAUL” on the awning of a restaurant and decided to keep going in that direction.

After several more missteps, I found the street. I passed the location of the grave twice, on my way to and from a pair of nearby tourist attractions that were my “official” destination, should anyone ask. The first time I walked by, I did so on the opposite side of the street. The second time, about half an hour later, I stopped right outside the gate. Both times, I wept bitterly.

As I returned in the direction I had originally come, I kept repeating, in my mind, “It’s only a place.” Even with my current level of awareness, I’m not sure exactly what I meant by that. Perhaps I was consoling myself that although my physical expression as Paul was gone (buried in that “place”), the eternal part of me had continued.

Only later did I ponder the possibility that a surveillance camera might have caught me gently weeping. But Beatles fans have surely stood in that spot before and displayed strong emotions.

Amazed and Afraid

Spiritual teacher Wayne Dyer often counseled, “Don’t die with your music still in you.” In this maxim, I interpret “music” to be whatever’s inside that wants to be expressed. Of course, it might be actual music.

When Paul died, he had part of “Maybe I’m Amazed” still in him. Based on what he left behind, his replacement released a version of the song on his debut solo album McCartney (1970). Fifty-one years later, in March 2021, I finished writing the lyrics—hopefully capturing what Paul was trying to convey back in the 1960s. The words are approximately 80 percent new (as compared with the replacement’s familiar rendition), including an added third verse.

Below is a video of me performing the new “Maybe I’m Amazed.” This was not necessarily my best take, and there’s an errant sequin on my left shoulder, but it was definitely the dogs’ finest performance. Thanks to Sophie and Grace for distracting from my musical insufficiencies with their adorableness. As they say, “Never work with children or animals,” those unpredictable little scene-stealers. The lyrics appear below the video, and below the lyrics you’ll find some important credits.

I’ll be back here on Halloween, a fitting day to discuss a macabre subject like how the original Paul McCartney died.


Lyrics:

Maybe I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I’m afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I’m amazed at the way you fill my head with rhyme
Turn me on a dime
Maybe I’m afraid of the way I’m turning to you

Maybe I’m amazed at the way you need me after all
Maybe I’m afraid of the way I need you
Maybe I’m amazed at the way you raise me when I fall
Run before I crawl
Maybe I’m afraid of the way I’m running to you

Maybe I’m a man—maybe I’m a lonely man—
Who’s just a little boy asking,
“Won’t you let me hold your hand?”
Maybe I’m a man, and maybe you’re the only woman
I could ever dream of asking,
“Baby, won’t you help me understand?”

Maybe I’m amazed at the way you want me all the same
Maybe I’m afraid of the way I want you
Maybe I’m amazed at the way you seem so glad I came
Draw me like a flame
Maybe I’m afraid of the way I’m drawing to you

Maybe I’m a man—maybe I’m a lonely man—
Who’s just a little boy asking,
“Won’t you let me hold your hand?”
Maybe I’m a man, and maybe you’re the only woman
I could ever dream of asking,
“Baby, won’t you help me understand?”

CREDIT: The photo at the top of this post was taken in London, in 1966, by Jean-Marie Périer. I have borrowed this image without permission but with tremendous gratitude and sincere appreciation. In the photographer’s own words (translated from the French): “I really like this photo of Paul, so English, playing the piano in a suit and tie. I called him from Paris and said: ‘I have to do eight pages about you. What day can I come to London?’ He suggests a Thursday… What I like is that he arrives in a suit and tie; it proves that he said to himself: ‘Eight pages on my head [literally, “my apple”]? Okay, let’s play it classic.’” M. Périer: Si vous lisez ceci, merci beaucoup. J’aurais aimé pouvoir me souvenir de nos trois heures ensemble, mais c’était il y a toute une éternité, pour moi.